


All the time in the world (May 2019)

by our_time_is_now



Series: Davenzi Plays [2]
Category: Druck | SKAM (Germany)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Fluff, Friendship, M/M, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-23
Updated: 2020-10-16
Packaged: 2021-03-05 11:07:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 31
Words: 74,344
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25469764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/our_time_is_now/pseuds/our_time_is_now
Summary: Davenzi-Roleplay Part 2 - Slowly but surely we are leaving the missing moments behind and are moving onto David and Matteo as a couple after the end of season 3
Relationships: Matteo Florenzi/David Schreibner
Series: Davenzi Plays [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1844773
Comments: 6
Kudos: 33





	1. May 1, 2019 - You’re smiling!

**Author's Note:**

> This is the English translation of the roleplays by Katrin and Pauline ([ riddikulus](https://riddikulus.tumblr.com/) and [ shakshuka-grandpasweaters ](https://shakshuka-grandpasweaters.tumblr.com/) on tumblr)  
> You can also find us on tumblr: [ our-time-is-now.tumblr ](https://our-time-is-now.tumblr.com/)  
> If you have any questions: just ask!

**Wednesday, 06:24 pm**

David:  
*sits with Laura at dinner - the math books and his notes, with which he had been studying until 10 minutes ago, lie pushed aside on a pile*  
*has had a hard time concentrating on studying since Saturday, but is doing his best that his thoughts don't keep drifting away to Matteo all the time*  
*attempts to convince himself that Matteo actually just needs time, even though he found it hard to keep his hopes alive when he saw the photos on Instagram where Matteo is happyly playing table tennis with his friends*  
*is happy that Matteo has fun and likes to look at the photos again and again, because it is just nice to see Matteo laughing, but also panics about the fact that for Matteo the topic might be already over and he will never hear from him again*  
*Laura's voice pulls him out of his thoughts, "So, how's studying going?"*  
*shrugs and mumbles*  
It's all right…  
*Laura looks up and smiles encouragingly: "Oh come on, you're actually good at math! You can do it!"  
*sighs and nods*  
*then his phone vibrates twice and he gets light palpitations like always since Saturday, because this time it could actually be Matteo*  
*but then reckons that it is Leonie, who has a question about math and thinks that he won't be able to answer math questions during dinner anyway and therefore will read the message later*  
*finishes his dinner and listens to Laura who speaks a little too fake-happy about her day*  
*doesn't reach for his cell phone until after dinner, while Laura starts to clear the table, ignoring her complaint that he could help*  
*freezes and his heart skips a beat when he sees that he has two messages from Matteo*  
*takes a deep breath but realizes that he feels sick from excitement and is quite afraid of what it says*  
*opens the messages anyway and takes a moment to sort out his feelings*

** _Translation:_ **   
_M: Hey._   
_M: So, I need a little more time to sort my thoughts out. I hope that’s okay._   
_D: It is_   
_M: I don’t want you to think, that I am going to bail on you or something._   
_D: I’m not thinking that. Take the time you need_   
_D: And thank you that you texted me this_   
_https://drucktranslations.tumblr.com/post/184578133133_

*doesn’t know if Matteo’s message is good or bad, but it's basically what he suspected, that Matteo needs time and nothing is decided yet*  
*is a little overwhelmed and doesn't really know what to answer, so answers short and crisp*  
*sees that Matteo has read the message instantly and starts writing back immediately and waits a little impatiently until the message appears on his display*  
*has to smile almost instantly as he reads it - Matteo doesn't want him to think he's letting him down, which means he is still important to Matteo, he still cares about him*  
*immediately writes back smiling and then looks up from the phone*  
*sees that Laura is sitting across from him again and looking at him sceptically*  
*grins slightly and bends his head*  
What?  
*hears Laura saying sceptically: "You are smiling!”*  
*laughs softly and sees Laura also starting to smile and shaking her head saying: "I can hardly remember the last time you smiled ..."*  
*doesn’t say anything, just gives her his phone with Matteo's message still open*  
*sees her smile widen and she hands him his phone back*  
*"I don't want to say I told you so, but I told you so."*  
*shrugs his shoulders and says*  
That doesn't mean anything…  
*Laura also shrugs her shoulders: "At the very least, it means that you are important enough to him to let you know that he cares about you. And it means that you're finally smiling again and hopefully you'll be able to concentrate better on math."*  
*shrugs again, but finds it pretty hard to stop smiling*  
*watches Laura leave the kitchen, telling him she is getting comfy in bed and reopens Matteo's chat history*  
*feels that there is still a bit of fear in him, that Matteo - the more time he needs - might decides against him, but can't deny that there is a bit more hope in him now than there was a few minutes ago - and relief that Matteo hasn't forgotten about him*  
*hesitates a moment and then writes him again to thank him for letting him know*


	2. May 2, 2019 - Maybe even more…

**Thursday, 8:40 pm:**

David/Laura:  
*is still beaming when he puts his phone next to his math-textbook, his heart is still racing, Matteo’s voice still stuck in his head – “Ciao, see you tomorrow”*  
*is excited and jittery, but first and foremost excited that Matteo has reached out to him and that he’ll see him again tomorrow*  
*tries to suppress the quiet and anxious voice in his head telling him that maybe tomorrow all Matteo wants to do is tell him in person that they definitely won’t get together and decides to think about that should it really happen*  
*looks back at his math-textbook, picks up his pen, but realizes after only a few seconds that all he can think about is Matteo*  
*laughs quietly, pushes his chair back and leaves his room still smiling, only to knock on Laura’s door a moment later*  
*hears her inviting him in and notices the way she expectantly looks at him over her book*  
*energetically sits down next to her on the bed and grabs one of her thousands of pillows and wraps his arms around it*  
*hears Laura laugh quietly: “You’re smiling again. Did you have a breakthrough in math”!? *  
*presses his lips together to hide his obvious grin but realizes that this only causes his grin to widen*  
*looks at Laura and tells her with a grin*  
Matteo called!   
*laughs quietly because saying it out loud makes it seem even more real and notices how Laura sits up bolt upright, beaming back at him: “Seriously!? Ha, I told you he’d call! Oh, David, I’m so happy for you! Really! What did he say?”*  
*presses his lips together again for a moment and hugs the pillow even tighter and smiles while he tries to remember the conversation*  
*slightly shakes his head *  
Actually, not that much…  
*has to chuckle quietly because somehow, that’s typically Matteo*  
*looks back at Laura and says*  
He wants to pick me up tomorrow, after the exam…  
*realizes how only thinking about it makes his heart beat faster and notices how Laura wiggles her eyebrows: “And then you’ll finally get together, and you’ll ride off into the sunset”?!*  
*chuckles quietly and shrugs his shoulders*  
Maybe!?  
*then shakes his head and says*  
No, he’ll probably just want to talk…  
*hears Laura again: “But maybe even more…”*  
*has to grin again and full of hope says*  
Maybe even more....


	3. May 3, 2019 - I’m sorry

**Friday, 10:35 pm:**

WhatsApp, Matteo/David:

_**Translation** : _

_Today_

_Missed voice call_

_Missed voice call_

_Missed Voice call_

_Missed voice call_

_David, where are you?_

_Should I come over? Are you OK?_

 _Please don’t run away_ _again_

_Missed voice call_

_I’m waiting for you_

David:  
Please don’t worry. I need some time. I’ll call you-

David:  
I’m sorry

Matteo:  
Okay


	4. May 5, 2019 - Giraffes and stuffed rabbits

**Sunday, 01:43 pm:**

WhatsApp Matteo/David:

Voice message from Matteo, 01:43 pm:  
Hey, you don’t need to respond to this, I know you need time… just wanted to tell you that I was at your sister’s this morning… and well… I hope Fürstenberg will do you some good and… yeah… see you

Voice message from Matteo, 05:51 pm:  
So, as I said, you don’t have to respond but Hans was just here, and Linn, and they brought me some food… veggie casserole… I mean, I’m not complaining but somehow them coddling me is a little strange… I hope your Godmother can cook and that you’ll get spoiled… see you….

Voice message from David, 08:17 pm:  
hey… (long pause) Thanks for your messages. I’m at my Godmother’s but you already know that… *smiles a little so that Matteo is able to hear it in the message* And yes, she can cook… at least a little… *gets serious again* but… mostly she leaves me be. And that’s good. I have to think about some stuff… (another long pause). How are you?

Voice message from Matteo, 08:25 pm:  
Hey,… I’m… okay. I… I dunno, well, I do, but… well, never mind…. Anyway, I’m glad that you’re getting the quiet you need… (pause) And you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to… but, well…. I’m here.

Voice message from David, 08:28 pm:  
*sounds a little amused* Can we just agree that I’ll simply remember for each one of your messages that I don’t have to answer, if I don’t want to? This way, you don’t have to add it to each message? (short pause). And it DOES matter how you are… I… I’m sorry that it’s probably my fault that you’re not doing so well… or only doing okay… or… Anyways, I’m sorry, I never wanted to hurt you…

Voice message from David, 08:29 pm:  
And please don’t say that I don’t have to be sorry. *laughs* I know you – you were going to say something like that, weren’t you?

Voice message from Matteo, 08:33 pm:  
*laughs* Okay, okay… and yes. I was going to say something like that because it’s true. But if it makes you feel better, I’m already feeling better…

Voice message from David, 08:38 pm:  
I’m glad to hear that… *clears his throat warily and asks hesitantly* Tell me something? I… *stops and adds even quieter, even more hesitantly and a little breathless* It’s nice to hear your voice…

Voice message from Matteo, 08:44 pm:  
Oh, umm… well, I don’t really know… so, okay, umm… when I was five my parents and I went to the zoo… and my father was… or still is, I dunno, well, anyways, he likes giraffes… and we were standing in front of this totally boring giraffe enclosure for, like, half an hour and he held a lecture about giraffes and the only thing I remember is that giraffes make these noises that we can’t even hear… like infrasonic frequency… which means that they can even communicate via the ground. I mean, that’s exactly what you want to learn as a five-year-old at the zoo, right? And now you’re in the same boat, because now you’ll never forget that… awesome, right?

Voice message from David, 08:52 pm:  
Umm… *laughs quietly* Thanks for this super important information which I’ll certainly never forget. Hmmm… when I was four or five, I also went to the zoo with my parents and Laura and back then I had this stuffed rabbit that I took everywhere. Somehow, it fell in the duck pond there and in sheer desperation I jumped in to rescue it. Problem was that I didn’t know how to swim, so my father had to jump in after me to rescue me and the rabbit.

Voice message from Matteo, 08:57 pm:  
Whoa, your story is definitely more dramatic than mine… maybe we should go back to the zoo one day… without fathers or stuffed rabbits…

Voice message from David, 09:15 pm:  
I’d like that. Well… if you want… okay. And we won’t spend more than three minutes with the giraffes… but… I’ll just have to see how long I’m going to stay here… but okay, yeah, we could think about it… *sounds a little unsure and absent minded*

Voice message from Matteo, 09:21 pm:  
No worries, like I said… well… I’d be really happy to… but well, like I said, take all the time you need… I’m here and… well… you know. So… yeah…

Voice message from David, 09:25 pm:  
Thanks (short pause and then a faux-desperate David-grumble) Argh, I don't really know what else to say… maybe I should go to bed… and you, too. Tomorrow’s your Bio-exam, right? I don’t want to keep you from studying…

Message from Matteo, 09:27 pm:  
Yeah, right. Well… good night.


	5. May 6, 2019 - Bio

**Monday, 01:24 pm:**

Whatsapp, Matteo/David:

David:  
How did Bio go? Everything OK?

Matteo:  
Could have gone better, but it was all right…


	6. May 7, 2019 - Sports field

**Tuesday, 11:46 pm:**

WhatsApp, Matteo/David:

Voice message from Matteo:  
Heyyyy…I’m standing in a field… a sports field, that is… well, you know… the boys went to get more alcohol but I wanted to stay here… really quiet all of a sudden… without anyone else… I just wanted to say… well, I mean… I really hope you’ll be back soon… sleep well…

Voice message from David:  
*voice sleepy and husky*   
Hey… *clears his throat to make his voice sound clearer* This afternoon I booked my train for Thursday. So yes, I’ll be back soon. Take care, yeah? I mean… all by yourself… at a sports field… *can hear his slight grin*

Matteo:  
*sends a picture of himself, sports field in the background, showing a thumbs up*   
Everything great! I’ll be fine.

David:  
*sends a picture of himself in bed*   
Then I can go back to sleep… (you woke me up :-p)

Matteo:  
Sorry sorry sorry sorry… go back to sleep!   
*saves the picture of David again*


	7. May 9, 2019 - Will we see each other tomorrow?

**Thursday, 10:13 am:**

WhatsApp, Matteo/David:

David:  
Will we see each other tomorrow?

Matteo:  
Sure! After your exam?

David:  
I’d like that. Can I come over to your place?

Matteo:  
Of course!


	8. May 10, 2019 - I only want you

**Friday: 8:53 pm:**

David:  
*can't believe that he's standing here in the middle of the pool - underwater - together with Matteo - that Matteo is here with him, that they kiss (and how!) and most of all he can’t believe that Matteo said that he loves him*  
*can't believe that Matteo was actually looking for him, found him and still wants him*  
*feels his heart racing and Matteo's lips on his, Matteo's hand tenderly on his neck, Matteo's closeness and somehow everything is just too much and yet too little*  
*feels a big lump in his throat from relief and slowly releases the kiss*  
*puts his forehead briefly against Matteo's, wraps his arms around him and hides his face on Matteo's shoulder*  
*feels tears of relief rise in his eyes and exhales shakily*  
*squeezes Matteo tight and doesn’t want to let him go*  
*has no idea what to do now, but that's not important now - the important thing is that they are finally together*

Matteo:  
*can't believe what actually just happened*  
*that he told David that he loved him and that David even said it back*  
*was so worried and scared and frustrated and yes, even angry*  
*wasn't sure at all to find the right words at all*  
*and now he stands here and kisses, feels and holds him*  
*breathes heavily as David ends the kiss*  
*wraps his arms around him and just holds him*  
*buries his face in his hair and kisses his head*  
Hey...*he says quietly*... it's gonna be okay, all right? Somehow...

David:  
*feels Matteo returning his hug and feels so close to him - much closer than with any other hug before because finally there's nothing left between them*  
*then hears his voice and holds his breath for a moment*  
*smiles at his words and for the first time in forever actually feels that everything could be fine*  
*this thought is so new and absurd and surreal to him that he even has to laugh softly for a moment*  
*says then in a shaky voice*  
Somehow... if you say so...  
*laughs again softly and a little disbelieving*  
And I kind of believe you...  
*lets him go a bit to look at him*  
*still has watery eyes when he says to him softly*  
Thanks for coming.

Matteo:  
*nods and squeezes him a little harder*  
That's good... you should believe...  
*looks at him while he breaks loose a little and raises his left hand to touch his cheek*  
*shakes his head slightly*  
You're real...  
*doesn't finish that sentence but shakes his head again*  
I've been looking for you all the time...  
*slightly tilts his head*  
So thanks for the hint... I didn't think you'd be here...

David:  
*closes his eyes briefly as he feels Matteo's hand against his cheek to enjoy the feeling, but opens them again to look at him*  
*hears that Matteo was looking for him and feels guilty*  
*actually knew that Matteo must have been worried, but still just wanted to be left alone*  
*explains hesitantly*  
At first I didn't want to be found. I... had to sort out the chaos in my head.  
*looks around briefly when Matteo says he didn't think he would be here, smiles slightly and shrugs his shoulders*  
Well... it's not a five-star hotel. But at least dry and running water... it's okay for a few nights.

Matteo:  
*slightly bites his lower lip*  
*could tell him again how many people are worried about him, that a message where he is isn’t wrong, that he would have given him time*  
*but thinks he already said it all, and doesn't want to talk about it anymore, about his worries and his fear that he lost David, not now at least*  
*then nods slightly*  
Well... *looks around*... if you think so... but it was probably cold, right? Just on the sleeping pad...

David:  
*shrugs his shoulders at Matteo's question*  
It's okay. The sleeping bag is actually quite good.  
*can’t lie to himself and Matteo, sighs, grins a bit and says*  
Yeah, okay, it was pretty cold...  
*tilts his head and grins a little more*  
I didn't had anybody to keep me warm...  
*squeezes his lips together and looks at Matteo in a slightly roguish and challenging way*

Matteo:  
*laughs and smiles and is kind of relieved that the weight is off*  
Oh, yeah?  
*jiggles back and forth a bit to imitate the playfulness*  
Is that an invitation? Let's see your super sleeping bag.

David:  
*pushes Matteo away from him as he imitates him, but grins and pulls him back immediately*  
*imitates Matteo instead with the back and forth wiggle*  
Of course it's an invitation!  
*laughs softly, detaches himself from Matteo and takes his hand to pull him towards the sleeping pad*  
*drops on it and lets go of Matteo's hand*  
*pads invitingly on the seat next to him*  
It's not that uncomfortable.  
*would actually like to stay here a little while longer before Matteo and he have to face reality outside*

Matteo:  
*lets himself be dragged along and then looks skeptically at David's camp at first*  
All right, well...  
*sits down next to him and slides his butt back and forth a little*  
Hmmm, I don't know...  
*then lowers his head onto David's shoulder and grins*  
You're right... it's quite comfortable this way...

David:  
*smiles as Matteo sits down and watches amusedly as he slides back and forth*  
*then immediately wraps his arm around matteo as he lowers his head towards his shoulder and grins too*  
See - I told you!  
*wraps the other arm around him too and squeezes him*  
*closes his eyes, hides his face in Matteo's hair and inhales the typical Matteo smell he missed so much*  
*mumbles softly at some point*  
I want to kiss you again.

Matteo:  
*closes his eyes as David wraps his arms around him and just enjoys it*  
*this is how it should be, this is how it feels right and good*  
*realizes that he'll keep fighting for this - for David*  
*grins when he hears him and opens his eyes again*  
*turns to him*  
All right, well...  
*grins and grabs David's hair with his right hand before closing the gap between them and kissing him again*

David:  
*laughs softly and is outraged at Matteo's answer, but then feels Matteo's hand in his hair and that he's actually getting closer to kiss him*  
*grins into the kiss for a few more seconds, but then forgets why he grinned in first place and everything else around him anyway, because only Matteo and this kiss count*  
*deepens the kiss after a while and pulls Matteo even closer*  
*strokes his cheek tenderly with one hand, the other just holds him tightly*  
*just enjoys the moment for a while, but then is brought back to reality by a stomach growl from Matteo*  
*has to grin and release the kiss just for a second to realize*  
You're hungry...  
*but then continuous kissing him anyways*

Matteo:  
*is almost outraged at first when David loosens the kiss*  
*but then grins*  
Get used to it...  
*kisses him again and pulls him even closer if possible and moves his body even closer to him*  
*then hears his own stomach growling and pulls back*  
Sorry... are you not hungry?

David:  
*has to grin at Matteo’s words and murmurs into the kiss*  
Okay, um...  
*has the feeling that somehow he will probably get used to everything concerning Matteo unconditionally and that everything about him is absolutely lovable and great - even a stomach growl while kissing*  
*lets Matteo pull himself even closer, then he hears his stomach growling again*  
*laughs when Matteo finally backs down and apologizes*  
No problem...  
*tries to feel his stomach and shrugs his shoulders*  
*hasn't really eaten much since yesterday and can't really tell if he's hungry or not*  
I don't know...  
*reaches for his bag*  
I have some waffles somewhere... I mean, they probably don't really fill up, but if you want, you can have them...  
*looks at him questioningly*  
Or would you rather have some real food?

Matteo:  
*looks at him with a little skepticism*  
When was the last time you ate something?  
*nods the second he mentions the waffles*  
I would take them... but we can just go back to my place now and I'll make some pasta or something... real food. You can't just live on waffles.

David:  
*thinks about the last time he ate something and bites his lower lip*  
I don't know... sometime this morning...  
*he ate a waffle there*  
*smiles when Matteo says he'll take the waffles and dig them out of his pocket*  
*he hears his offer to go to the flatshare and grimaces slightly*  
*buries his head briefly on Matteo's shoulder and makes a grumbling sound*  
Well, that's tempting, but...  
*looks at him and grimaces again pretending to be desperate*  
I don't want to leave... can't we hide out here together for a little while?  
*looks at him begging*  
*then gets an idea*  
One street away is a kebab restaurant. You could get some real food there... or I could get you some...

Matteo:  
*shakes his head*  
This is not good... Luckily I am here now and can make sure that you eat regularly...  
*takes the waffle, breaks it through and gives him a piece back*  
*looks down at David's face on his shoulder*  
Hmmm... okay... just like you want to.  
*bites off the waffle and then nods*  
Yes, kebab sounds great. I could go...  
*raises up and does not notice how his cell phone falls out of his jacket pocket and remains on the mattress*  
You want a dürüm with everything?

David:  
*looks affectionately at Matteo as he speaks and gives him a piece of waffle*  
*is then quite astonished that Matteo immediately agrees to them staying the pool and doesn't even try to persuade him to go to the flatshare with him*  
*remembers, however, that Matteo has often simply taken his words seriously without having to explain much*  
*actually wants to tell him how much that means to him, but can't find the right words and since they are still on the subject of food*  
*also bites off a little piece of the waffle when Matteo offers to go to the kebab restaurant*  
*smiles at him and nods his head at the question*  
Yes please! Hurry up!

Matteo:  
*nods*  
Will do!  
*bends down again to give him a kiss*  
*then grins slightly embarrassed and walks through the pool to the stairs*  
*exits the building and finds the kebab restaurant down the street easily*  
*unfortunately it's pretty crowded and it takes time to order and then again to get his food*  
*noticed in between that he forgot his cell phone because he wanted to write David that it takes time*  
*then rushed even more to get back*  
*goes through the door into the pool hall*  
Sorry, but there was...  
*stops when he sees that the pool is empty*  
*has the feeling that his heart just stopped and immediately the anxiety comes back up inside him*  
David???

David:  
*smiles as Matteo bends down to give him a kiss and then looks at him*  
*pulls out his sketchbook again and opens it*  
*starts to draw a little bit and feels that he is actually a little bit hungry now and happy that Matteo is getting something to eat*  
*reaches for his cell phone after some time to take a look at the clock and notices that Matteo's cell phone is still on the sleeping pad*  
*puts it aside properly and then reaches for his sketchbook again*  
*but can't really concentrate because his mind keeps drifting off to Matteo*  
*smiles automatically when he thinks about how uncomplicated it was, that Matteo just accepted that he wants to stay here a little bit longer and how much it means to him*  
*takes another look at the clock and thinks that Matteo has been gone for some time now and it's probably pretty crowded at the kebab restaurant*  
*anxiously glances at the skylights outside, where it is slowly dimming, hoping that Matteo will be back soon so that he won't have to find his way back to the pool in total darkness*  
*then realizes that he has to go to the toilet and decides to do it, filling up his water bottle in the process and then maybe walking towards Matteo with his cell phone and flashlight*  
*leaves the pool and goes to the upper floor, because at the end of the corridor there is the only bathroom with running water he found here*  
*uses the toilet and refills his water bottle*  
*then looks at himself in the mirror for a while and washes his face, because he has the feeling that he looks kind of worn out somehow*  
*doesn't notice that Matteo's back by now*

Matteo:  
*climbs down the stairs into the pool and heads for their camp*  
*drops the plastic bag of dürüms and grabs his cell phone*  
*there's no message, of course*  
*looks around like that's gonna make David show up*  
*feels panic and frustration and anger and can't believe that after everything that has happened, David can’t just walk away like that again*  
*looks at the sleeping pads like they're giving an answer*  
*thinks then that the bag is gone as well because he can't see it under the sleeping bag and gets angry*  
*unlocks his phone and types a message to David*  
Seriously? Where are you? Never mind, I'm going home!  
*but then erases it without sending it and sinks onto the sleeping pad*  
*can't leave, but also doesn’t know what to do now*

David:  
*has filled the water bottle after freshening up and after a last look in the mirror he leaves the bathroom smiling*  
*plans to take the water bottle back to the pool to see if Matteo is already back and - if he isn't - go to meet him with his cell phone and flashlight, because it's already getting really dark in the building*  
*but then, as he enters the pool hall, he sees that Matteo is sitting on the sleeping pad and is happy that he is already back*  
*climbs down the ladder and walks towards him smiling *  
Hey... you're back!

Matteo:  
*looks up when he hears and sees David*  
*jumps up*  
*and even if that actually shows that David didn't run away, Matteo can only remember that he was gone*  
*stares at him and speaks in a normal voice, but squeezed*  
Did you forget something? You want to take the sleeping pad after all? And the sleeping bag?  
*shaking his head and pointing at the mat*  
Go ahead, I'm not stopping you!

David:  
*when he gets closer and Matteo jumps up, he sees the look in his face and automatically stops smiling*  
*thinks that maybe something happened at the kebab restaurant or something happened to Matteo*  
*somehow can't read the look on his face at all and is about to ask what's going on when he hears Matteo's questions*  
*is totally confused and can't do anything with them at first*  
*notices how everything in his head starts spinning and tries to understand how Matteo thinks he forgot something and how Matteo's mood could change so abruptly*  
*takes another step towards him*  
*still tries to read something in his face and is just about to ask what Matteo means when it suddenly "clicks" in his head*  
*has to swallow when he realizes Matteo thought he was running away again*  
*takes another step towards him and states more than he asks*  
You think I was trying to run again...?!

Matteo:  
*shakes his head, then nods and rolls his eyes*  
Yeah... you weren't here... the bag was gone... we were so close... I mean...  
*doesn't find any more words and exhales*  
Just say it, okay? Cause I'm not doing the silent treatment anymore, okay?

David:  
*can’t really believe at first that Matteo actually thinks he wanted to run away again, but then it makes sense that he thinks so, because how many times did he act the same way and just disappeared without any explanation*  
*knew even back then that he would probably hurt Matteo with it, but but when he disappeared before he somehow always had his own feelings on his mind rather then Matteo's and only now understands how deeply his behaviour must have hurt him - especially with the thought that he finds being alone so bad*  
*is so incredibly sorry right now that he's responsible for making Matteo so insecure and moves closer to him so that they now face each other*  
*looks him in the eye and assures him*  
I'm not running away again...  
*explains*  
I went to the bathroom... and got us some fresh water. The bag... is under the sleeping bag...  
*doesn't know if Matteo is angry and if it's okay to touch him, so he hesitantly grabs his hand and repeats it again*  
I'm not going away again... okay?

Matteo:  
*looks at David*  
*doesn't flinch and holds his gaze*  
*sees both relief and skepticism at the same time*  
*swallows hard*  
In the bathroom?  
*suddenly feels very stupid for panicking like that*  
*doesn't take David's hand in his, but doesn't pull back either*  
*needs, like often when it's important, longer to answer*  
Okay... and you... you'll answer when I text you?  
*knows that this sounds weird too, but needs to know now*

David:  
*watches Matteo's facial expressions, thinks he sees insecurity*  
*nods slowly as Matteo asks for the bathroom again*  
*glad he didn't pull back his hand and wait patiently to see if anything else comes from Matteo*  
*then realizes that with Matteo's next question everything tightens inside him, and he plans to answer immediately in the future, whenever Matteo writes, and to do everything possible to make Matteo trust him again and not be afraid of him just disappearing*  
*takes one more step towards him and says seriously*  
I'll answer when you write. I promise!  
*would like to hug him now, but doesn't know if it's okay and waits for some sign from Matteo*  
*gives him a good look and asks cautiously*  
Okay?

Matteo:  
*notices how his heart and his stomach and everything slowly calms down*  
*nods slowly*  
Okay...  
*pulls lightly on his hand, bringing him closer*  
Sorry... for panicking about nothing...  
*exhales slowly*  
Do you maybe want us to sit down and... eat?

David:  
*feels how he slowly relaxes a little bit as Matteo seems to believe him and even pulls him closer*  
*shakes his head when he apologizes*  
*doesn't think he's panicking about nothing*  
*then smiles when Matteo asks him to sit down and shakes his head*  
*mumbles*  
Hang on...  
*pulls him even closer and put his arms around him*  
*just wants to be close to him now and feel that everything really is okay*  
*gives him a quick kiss on the mouth and then hugs him hard*  
*takes a deep breath and murmurs on his neck*  
I'm sorry!  
*knows that he's responsible for Matteo's panic and thinks that Matteo deserves an apology for all the times he let him down*

Matteo:  
*feels the kiss and the release of that last bit of tension from him*  
*wraps his arms around him too*  
It's okay...  
*sighs softly and bury his face in the back of his neck*  
I didn't mean... you don't have to apologize… you shouldn’t have a bad conscience now...  
*kisses his neck briefly and then leans back again*  
Okay? Can we just drop it and eat?

David:  
*thinks Matteo is just unbelievable - that he thinks he shouldn't have a bad conscience, even though he's obviously the reason why Matteo felt so bad recently*  
*mumbles*  
But I did!  
*doesn’t let go when he leans back and smiles lightly*  
Food yes, drop it no.  
*gives him a quick kiss and then drags him off to the sleeping pad*  
*sits down and waits until Matteo sits down too*  
*says then slowly and hesitantly as he reaches for the bag of dürüm and opens it*  
I've been... kind of too much in my own world these last few weeks. I should have been more concerned about how you were doing.  
*briefly presses his lips together and gives Matteo a dürüm*  
*looks up to Matteo*  
And... I should have checked in earlier... or explained myself. I should have...  
*shrugs his shoulders and takes a quick breath*  
I should have never left you alone.

Matteo:  
*sits on the sleeping pad with David*  
*then raises his eyebrows slightly as he explains*  
Sure you were...there was a lot going on...  
*takes the dürum and shakes his head*  
No... I mean... you didn't know what to tell me and then... you got outed... honestly, I get it. It takes time...  
*just sighs lightly and looks at him*  
Okay, so, yes, I was worried. And maybe at least a note back here and then would have been nice... but we'll just do that from now on, okay? 

David:  
*unpacks his dürüm while he listens to Matteo*  
*is worried about him, because he knows that Matteo was more affected than he might admits now, because otherwise his last reaction would have been different*  
*but then is glad, that he at least admits that he was worried and nods instantly at his suggestion*  
*says with a smile*  
I promise!  
*bites into his dürüm and realizes now that he was actually very hungry*  
*waving the roll and muttering with a full mouth*  
Thanks, by the way...  
*swallows down and then takes up the subject again*  
*admits*  
I used to run away all the time... Of course it didn't really change anything... but at least I was always able to cool myself down somehow...  
*takes another bite, chews, swallows and then shrugs his shoulders slightly*  
And so far, there just hasn't really been anyone who's been worried...

Matteo:  
*has also bitten off and nods with a grin*  
No big deal...  
*swallows and nods slowly at David's words*  
Yeah... you know... sometimes you just have to, I guess… I mean being alone to cool down... So don't think you have to give up on this this now or I'm going off when you do... but just let me know next time, okay?  
*takes a quick look at him*  
*then shakes his head slightly*  
I don't believe this... what about your sister?  
*gets big eyes*  
Shit! Laura! She's probably worried sick. Have you written to her by now where you are?

David:  
*shrugs his shoulders again slightly at Matteo's answer*  
*is indecisive and actually hopes there won't be a next time so soon*  
Let's see... if I feel I need it again, I'll let you know anyway.  
*smiles again slightly*  
*just about to answer Matteo's question about his sister when Matteo says she'll be worried*  
*lowers his head shaking his head*  
Shit... no, I didn't.  
*moans softly*  
She's kill me...  
*pulls out his cell phone and stares a little helplessly at the screen, which suddenly appears quite garish in the always gloomy pool hall*  
*then explains to Matteo*  
My sister has been living in Berlin for almost 4 years. Most of what happened at home she didn't really notice... when things got so bad at my old school, she offered me to move in with her. She hasn't seen me running away a lot...  
*pulls a face*  
What do you want me to write to her?!?

Matteo:  
*shakes his head when David says that Laura will kill him*  
I don't think so...  
*nods slowly*  
*wonders what exactly was going on*  
*realizes just now that David has never actually talked about his parents before*  
*but postpones asking about this*  
*watches him staring at his cell phone*  
Wait... I'll do that...  
*grabs his cell phone that is still lying next to him and types a message to Laura*  
"Found him. All good so far. Don't worry."  
*shows it to David without sending it*  
Yeah?

David:  
*is relieved and grateful that Matteo is taking over with the message to Laura, puts his cell phone aside again and continues eating*  
*leans over to him when he's finished reading the message, smiles and nods*  
Perfect! Thank you!  
*waits until Matteo sends the message*  
*then takes the water bottle out of his pocket and offers Matteo some water*

Matteo:  
*sends the message and then takes the bottle from him*  
*takes a sip and gives the bottle back*  
Laura was really nice to me by the way... at least the last time I saw her... I don't think she's mad at you...  
*looks at David and shrugs*  
If you're worried about it, I mean...

David:  
*takes the bottle from Matteo and takes a sip too, before he puts the rest of the dürüm in his mouth*  
*listens to Matteo and shrugs slightly*  
Well, I still feel guilty. She lets me stay with her, and I leave without a word...  
*slides back a little, leans against the pool wall and looks at Matteo from the side*  
She texted me that you were with her on Sunday and that I should get in touch with you because you were worried. I wanted to, but before I knew what to write, you sent me a voice message...

Matteo:  
*looks at him and has to laugh*  
Yeah, she told me to give you time, so I've been at it for like 12 hours...  
*also leans back against the pool wall and turns his head to see him in the dark*  
Hans once told me that sometimes people can surprise us... somehow he's right, isn't he? Sometimes we stand in our own way, because we think the other person won't understand us...  
*thinks of his mother and how he left her in the church and how she still wrote to him afterwards, how nice it was to see him and that she hoped that everything would be allright*

David:  
*grins a little too*  
It's probably a good thing you didn't last more than 12 hours. Who knows when I would have had the courage to get in touch with you.  
*listens to him when he talks about Hans and think about his words*  
*then nods and lowers his eyes*  
*admits quietly*  
I was so afraid to tell you that I am transgender. And I kept pushing it off. I... didn't want to lose you.  
*takes a short break and then continues*  
And then when I told you, I was so sure that...  
*shakes his head slightly*  
...that that's it for us... I didn’t just stand in my way but in both our ways…  
*laughs softly*  
And even when you texted me that you needed more time... and when you called and wanted me to pick up... or when you waited for me at school and after all those messages when I left... even then, I still couldn't quite believe that you didn’t actually care that I… am who I am.  
*rubs his face and grumbles because he had so little faith*  
It wasn't until you were standing right here in front of me that it kind of clicked.  
I'd say I wasn't just standing in my own way, I was building a wall in front of me.  
*somehow has just about a thousand questions for Matteo - would mainly be interested in how he was dealing with the whole thing, but doesn't really know where to start*

Matteo:  
*listens to him and lets him finish*  
*puts his arm around David and pulls him closer when he says he was scared*  
Sorry I reacted so stupidly when you told me... I kind of... didn't have any words... and then... it wasn't so much about what you told me, well it was... but I kind of had to sort that out for me, you know? Sorry, that sounds stupid, but yeah...  
*nods slightly*  
I'd say it's pretty good that we both clicked.  
*then shakes his head a little when he thinks about what David said*  
I actually care who you are. I have some pretty strong opinions about what you're like...  
*gives him a kiss on the temple*  
So I think we can agree to stop thinking the other one doesn't want us, okay?

David:  
*leans on Matteo as he puts his arm around him, but then shakes his head at his words and interrupts him briefly when he apologizes*  
No, it was really okay... you didn't expect it and it's obvious that you had to digest it first.  
*then listens further and nods sympathetically when he thinks he had to sort it out for himself*  
*mumbles in the end*  
Doesn’t sound stupid...  
*has to smile then when Matteo says he has some pretty strong opinions about what he's like and nods his head at his suggestion*  
Sounds good. We want each other and period.  
*laughs softly for a moment, then gets serious again and asks*  
And was there a certain point where it clicked for you?

Matteo:  
*hums slightly on David's question and sways his head back and forth*  
Click, that you're pretty cool?  
*grins and giggles a little*  
When you were wondering if there was still March on the other bus, that was pretty cool...  
*laughs again a bit and then goes quiet*  
Or click, that it doesn't matter that you're trans? That must have been Hans again, who told me that it depends on how you are and not who you are... of course he put it better... but yes...  
*tilts his head and nudges David*  
I've... I don't know... sometimes it was somehow easier to just let everything happen... everybody has a girlfriend, so I just get one too... at least it was easier than dealing with me...

David:  
*laughs softly when he mentions the bus ride and nudges him briefly in the side*  
*comments briefly*  
Oh god, I was so overwhelmed, and I was just saying some shit...  
*but actually means the being trans thing and listens to it*  
*smiles and repeats*  
...the way I am, okay... *laughs quietly* How am I!?  
*keeps listening to him and nodding*  
*can understand him so well and wished so often just to be "normal" and to belong*  
*but never just let anything happen, he was forced to deal with himself*  
*back then it was hard and can pretty much relate to how Matteo was doing*  
*nods and says softly*  
Hmmm... I know the feeling. But at some point you can't ignore it anymore and have to just deal with with what you need to be happy and to be yourself...

Matteo:  
*laughs*  
Fishing for compliments, huh?  
*then grins and nods*  
Well, you are amazing and you... I just feel good when you are there... and you are not the ugliest person I have ever seen...  
*squeezes his shoulder a little*  
*then nods slowly*  
Yeah, I just-- I never really realized I was different. Only when Jonas got together with Leonie and all of a sudden everybody started talking about breasts... well, I wasn't that interested in that... but somehow there was so much else going on and I just didn't want to attract attention... and you can like boys without telling anybody...  
*thinks about his crush on Jonas and how that feels like half an eternity ago now, when it was not even three months ago*  
*sighs*  
Well, and then you came... and somehow... it was time and I admitted it to myself and... I started coming out and then...  
*wants to phrase it well and needs some time*  
And then I just didn't know if "gay" was still true... I know now that it was stupid... but well, it was still pretty fresh...

David:  
*grins at Matteo's question about the compliment*  
Always!  
*smiles then when he actually gets compliments and raises his head to give him a short kiss on the chin*  
*mumbles*  
Thank you very much!  
*then listens to him and realizes how nice it is and how good it feels to know more about Matteo*  
*when he speaks about his outing, he realizes again that they both had no contact during this time and thinks that he should have been there to support Matteo*  
*then shakes his head again as Matteo comes to an end and nudges him again*  
Stop calling yourself stupid all the time! I don't have a stupid boyfriend!  
*only then he realizes that he just called Matteo his boyfriend for the first time, he hopes on the one hand that it is okay and on the other hand he thinks that it feels right and good*  
*quickly continues talking*  
Obviously, you were confused and trying to define it somehow...

Matteo:  
*grins slightly at the kiss and nods only briefly*  
*feels his heart flutter briefly when David calls him his boyfriend and can't stop his face from glowing*  
*can only hope that the darkness hides it a little*  
If you say so...  
*then shakes his head again*  
Yeah, well... but still… I could have done that better.  
*looks at him*  
But anyway, we're here now. Now we've made it...  
*smiles slightly and then moves so that he can give David a kiss*

David:  
*nods*  
Yes, I say so!  
*wants to disagree with him just when Matteo adds that they have made it now and nods approvingly*  
*thinks that the other stuff actually doesn't really matter in the end*  
*mumbles smiling*  
Right! And that's the main point!  
*meets Matteo half way, as he leans into the kiss, he closes his eyes and immediately feels a tingling in his stomach as their lips touch*  
*wants to deepen the kiss, but finds it rather uncomfortable in the current position*  
*mumbles against Matteo's mouth*  
Shall we lie down? In half an hour it'll be so dark in here anyway, there's nothing else to do...

Matteo:  
*nods and then backs off*  
Okay...  
*stands up so they can spread out the sleeping bag*  
Let's see what your ‘super’ sleeping bag can do.  
*takes off his shoes and jacket, but leaves everything else on*  
*suspects it's gonna be pretty cold anyway*  
*watches David open and spread out his sleeping bag and takes off his shoes too*  
*lets him lay on the wall and then lies down next to him*  
*pulls the sleeping bag over both of them and rolls over on its side*  
*grins slightly*  
And what exactly did you have in mind keeping us warm?

David:  
*laughs insecurely as Matteo talks about his sleeping bag*  
*hopes it won't be too uncomfortable for Matteo*  
*also takes off his shoes and jacket, spreads out the sleeping bag and sits on the sleeping pad*  
*folds his jacket and puts it under his head*  
*looks up at Matteo and explains*  
Pillow...  
*moves to the wall as Matteo lies down next to him and lies down too while Matteo spreads the sleeping bag over them*  
*laughs softly at Matteo's question and feel him blush slightly*  
*asks insecurely grinning*  
Making out and cuddle?  
*has never spent the night with a boyfriend before and has no idea if Matteo is expecting anything and if so, what exactly*

Matteo:  
*nods slowly and smiles*  
Sounds good.  
*but then feels somehow David's insecurities and puts his arm around his waist*  
*speaks softly and gently*  
Hey, no stress, okay?  
*gives him a quick kiss and then look at him*  
*gives him some space and time to decide what he wants*

David:  
*wonders if Matteo wants to calm himself or him, but nods and repeats quietly*  
Don't stress...!  
*smiles at him and gently strokes his cheek with his hand as Matteo gives him a short kiss*  
*can hardly see him in the dark, but feels even more hat he is here and how perfect that feels*  
*then leans over to kiss him properly and at the same time moves closer to him*

Matteo:  
*kisses him back and closes his eyes immediately*  
*puts his hand on David's back to be a little closer to him*  
*deepens the kiss and doesn't really notice how his hand starts to wander after a while*  
*just feels the need to be as close to him as possible*  
*so lets his fingers slide under David's sweater and shirt, feeling only the excitement that sets in when he suddenly touches skin*

David:  
*has his hand buried in Matteo's hair while they kiss, but lets his hand wander down his neck and back during the kiss*  
*thinks it's incredible that he's finally allowed to touch him again and only now realizes how much he's missed this the last weeks*  
*feels Matteo deepening the kiss and sighs softly into it because it feels so good*  
*is so focused on the kiss that in the beginning he didn’t even notice that Matteo's hand has gone under his shirt*  
*can't really think straight, just enjoy the feeling that they're so close*  
*also lets his hand slide under Matteo’s shirt without thinking and feels his heart beating faster as he touches the warm skin underneath*

Matteo:  
*shudders in the most positive sense as David's hand touches his skin*  
*sighs into the kiss as his fingers run over David's skin*  
*gently pulls up David's shirt and sweater slightly*  
*interrupts the kiss for just a second to gasp for air and then continues*

David:  
*at first he doesn't really realizes that Matteo pushes his sweater and shirt up, but simply enjoys the feeling of being touched and touching Matteo*  
*then feels Matteo interrupts the kiss for a moment, and shudders slightly as he gasps for air*  
*starts to kiss him again but is suddenly able to have clear thoughts, namely that Matteo's hand keeps on pushing up his shirt and his sweater and that underneath is his binder and that they haven't talked about it yet and that Matteo might be shocked because he doesn't expect it and anyways that Matteo probably doesn't know what he looks like under his shirt and under his boxer shorts*  
*pulls his own hand away from Matteo's back and moves a bit away so Matteo pulls his hand back as well*  
*finally interrupts the kiss breathing heavily with his heart is racing and mumbles*  
I'm sorry...  
*feel his flight instinct sparking up minimally*

Matteo:  
*feels David's hand disappear and that he’s moving away*  
*needs a moment to realize what's happening, but then pulls his hand back*  
*doesn’t know what just happened, but knows that David has every right to stop if it's too much for him*  
*shakes his head slightly and needs a moment before he can formulate words*  
No need to apologize...  
*swallows a little and then asks*  
Too much?

David:  
*shakes his head instinctively at Matteo's question because it wasn't really enough and he longed for more*  
*wonders for a moment what would have happened if his head just didn't get in his way*  
*longs so much for Matteo's closeness, but at the same time is afraid of rejection*  
*takes a deep breath and searches for words*  
*doesn't always want to be the one who causes problems, or the one who has to be pitied, but at the same time thinks he has to address it, that this time he has to be open to Matteo, so that there won't be any misunderstandings again*  
*has no idea what Matteo is expecting and to what extent he informed himself and actually thinks of Matteo to be understanding and tolerant, but is nevertheless very afraid of rejection*  
*decides to just get it over with and not drag it out so long again*  
*clears his throat briefly and then finally says quietly after some time*  
Well, I don't know how much information you've gathered or what you're expecting, but... I...  
*need to take a breath and then finally let it out in a slightly shaky voice*  
...I didn’t had surgery... I...don’t have the body of a boy.

Matteo:  
*notices that something is eating David up and looks a little worried*  
*then hears him say “informedly” and suddenly has an idea what's going on*  
*actually read something about surgery*  
*but didn't care about what David has or doesn't have*  
*at least not as explicitly*  
*realized then that it doesn't really matter to him*  
*grabs David's hand and holds on to it*  
But you are a boy. And that's all that matters, okay?  
*swallows lightly and searches for the right words*  
We don't need to do decide anything today, but... if some day... then just as you feel comfortable, okay?

David:  
*has a big lump in his throat from happiness when Matteo says what really counts*  
*but at the same time thinks that this doesn't change anything about his body*  
*squeezes his hand and strokes the back of his hand with his thumb*  
*thinks Matteo is just perfect and loves him for just taking things as they come, but doesn't want Matteo to fall by the wayside in any way either*  
*admits*  
I am comfortable!  
*grins embarrassed*  
And I probably would have been comfortable for a while longer...  
*sighs softly*  
But I want you to feel comfortable too... and I didn't know what you'd expect...  
*still doesn't really knows that and not even in terms of sex, kissing or making out - would probably do anything with Matteo that he would expect or want - means this more in terms of his body*

Matteo:  
*frowns slightly*  
What I expect?  
*doesn’t really know what David means or where his concern is*  
Well I have a rough idea of anatomy ... but otherwise ... expect?  
*shrugs and doesn't know what to say*  
*none of that is really important to him, or at least not as important as David makes it to be*  
I only want you.  
*he says finally*  
I don't really care about anatomy.

David:  
*watches Matteo - or at least what he can see in the dark*  
*almost laughs when Matteo says he has a rough idea of anatomy, but then gets serious again and gets heart palpitations when he adds that he only wants him*  
*is about as amazed as he was with his "because I love you" earlier and fascinated how plain and simple and naturally Matteo formulates such important things*  
*fully believes that Matteo doesn't care about anatomy and knows deep inside that he just has to get rid of his own insecurity*  
*releases their fingers from each other and brushes tenderly over Matteo's hair, his ear and cheek*  
*just mumbles*  
Okay  
*because he's at a loss of words and because it really is okay*  
*gets closer to Matteo again and kisses him softly*

Matteo:  
*waits for his reaction*  
*relaxes even more under David's touch*  
*smiles at his okay*  
*kisses him back and put his arm back over David's hip*  
*whispers then*  
Let's go to sleep, okay? It's been a long day... and tomorrow is another day, yeah?

David:  
*nods at Matteo’s words*  
Yeah... okay...  
*puts his arm around Matteo's hip as well and tries to relax*  
*realizes that it's kind of uncomfortable and turns on his back after a short time*  
*but somehow he doesn't like that either*  
*mumbles*  
Wait...  
*raises his one arm so that Matteo can put his head on it and he can put his arm around Matteo and now lies roughly as how they woke up in the morning after their first kiss*  
That's better...  
*smiles and brushes gently through Matteo's hair again*  
*then gives him a kiss on the hairline and whispers*  
Sleep tight...  
*closes his eyes and relaxes*  
*feels eventually that he's smiling and thinks that somehow he has every reason to be*


	9. May 11, 2019 (1) - Swimming practice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi there,  
> a little note: in this play we moved a scene up that happens later in the show. So we changed the sacred canon world a little bit, but only because it made sense to us timeline-wise.
> 
> And one more general note: From now on it can happen that you get "half" a play, because we divided plays that happen in one day and sometimes even consecutively but are just too long and sometimes thematically separate.
> 
> So don't be surprised if a play stops a bit abruptly, then it continues for you in the next chapter.

**Saturday, 9:37 am:**

David:  
*wakes up the next morning and the first thing he realizes is he can't stretch as much as he is used to*  
*remembers only now yesterday's events and automatically has to smile when he realizes that the reason for his restricted mobility is Matteo and that they are basically still lying there just as they fell asleep last night: Matteo in his arms*  
*feels an incredible feeling of happiness rising and slightly turns his head to hide his face in Matteo's hair*  
*closes his eyes again and barely dares to move to not wake Matteo*  
*but eventually can't resist the urge anymore and gently strokes through Matteo's hair*

Matteo:  
*somehow only lies halfway on the sleeping pad, one arm and one leg hanging over it*  
*slowly wakes up and is at first not quite sure why*  
*sees David next to him and now also feels his hand in his hair and smiles*  
Hey...  
*slides closer to him so he can tighten his leg and arm*  
Did you sleep okay?

David:  
*feels that Matteo is waking up and stops stroking his hair for a moment*  
*hopes this didn't wake him up*  
*mumbles softly*  
Morning...  
*clears his throat because his voice still sounds hoarse from sleeping and when Matteo moves takes the opportunity to stretch for a short time before he wraps his arms around him and thus pulls him even closer*  
*makes a feel-good hum and mumbles smiling*  
Perfect!  
*has to grin and adds*  
As perfect as you can sleep on a sleeping pad and sleeping bag in an abandoned pool... but in any case much better than last night!  
*gives him a short kiss on the forehead*  
And you?

Matteo:  
*grumbles slightly and even stretches for a moment *  
Well... to be honest... the mattress is pretty hard...  
*then looks at him and grins slightly*  
But otherwise pretty good...  
*clears his throat a little and tilts his head*   
But we don't need another night like this, do we?  
*swallows and can taste his unbrushed teeth*  
I didn't even bring a toothbrush or anything...

David:  
*sighs when Matteo says they don't need another night like this*  
*knows that he can't hide here forever and that he will have to leave the pool at some point, but somehow feels a little panicky at the thought of having to meet others besides Matteo*  
*tries to buy a little time*  
Well, I could lend you some toothpaste... maybe you can brush with your finger... for like a week or two?*   
*grins*  
And maybe we can file for hot water... and order a comfortable bed and a kitchen...  
*hugs him tight like he could hold him here with that and hides his face*  
*groans*  
I don't want to go out there! I don't want to see anyone from our year...

Matteo:  
*looks at him scrutinizingly when he suggests two weeks*  
*can imagine that he's starting to feel the flight instinct again*  
*then laughs a little at his suggestions*  
And where would we order that? From that nice guard and his dog?  
*hugs him back, but then moves a little to look at him*  
Hey... you don't have to see anyone from our year... we'll just go to my place, because there’s already warm water and a bed... and from our year no one except maybe Mia, but she's probably at Alex's anyway...  
*tilts his head slightly and grins*  
Tell me a hot shower doesn't sound tempting...

David:  
*would like to reply that it's not about meeting anyone from their year, but rather about leaving this shelter here and face reality again: his missed sport exam, the question of whether he has to repeat his abi because of this and has go to school for an extra year, where everyone looks at him funny again, the stares of his classmates - and if not at school, then just at random meetings and all the other things he could successfully suppress for almost two days*  
*but he refrains from replying, because on the one hand he knows that Matteo is right, even if he can barely begin to understand what he is actually afraid of, and on the other hand because he also knows that somehow it has to go on and he has to face whatever he has to face - and since he decided yesterday not to run anymore, he will have to face the fear of everything that lies ahead of him, for better or worse*  
*returns Matteo's look and shrugs his shoulders*  
*says not very convinced*  
It does...  
*breaks away from him and sits up*  
*runs his hand over his face and through his hair and fights against this stupid flight instinct in his mind*  
*would like to get up and pack up the stuff, but somehow isn't able to*

Matteo:  
*watches him and sees how hard he is thinking*  
*gives him time to sort himself out*  
*sees him sitting up and slowly does the same*  
*hears his one-word answer and swallows*  
*doesn't want to rush him, just wants to be there for him*  
*sees how beat up he looks and reaches for his hand*  
Hey... it doesn't have to be right now...  
*squeezes his hand lightly*  
We can practice some swimming before we go out into the open sea, okay?

David:  
*doesn't look up as Matteo grabs his hand, but closes his eyes for a moment*  
*smiles slightly at his words and nods*  
*mumbles*  
Okay...  
*leans his back against the edge of the pool and remains silent for a moment*  
*feels like he's not really awake yet and has too many thoughts in his head for this early hour, thoughts he has to sort out first*  
*looks at Matteo and tries to convince himself that maybe this time it will be really different because Matteo is there - that maybe it does make a difference to not having to face problems alone*  
*hasn't really had this experience yet and therefore has his difficulties to be confident*  
*keeps quiet for a moment and reviews yesterday*  
*says then eventually hesitantly says*  
You said yesterday... that there were... that there were people who stood up for me... that they were at your house...  
*sighs once and then asks*  
What did they say?  
*hesitates and then asks*  
What were their reactions after the outing?  
*presses his lips together and asks himself if he really wants to know*  
*thinks that it's probably good to know what he's getting into before he has to face the people at the school and that Matteo might have heard something*  
*has left the Abi-Whatsapp group immediately after the video and therefore didn't hear anything at all*

Matteo:  
*keeps quiet with David*  
*but only finds it pleasant for a short time because he can literally feel the wheels turning inside of David*  
*then looks at him as he talks*  
Mmmm...  
*then thinks about it briefly*  
Well I can only talk about my friends... I left the stupid Abi group... but they were all very... eager  
*smiles slightly*  
Kiki wanted to start a petition and Carlos wanted to stick a middle finger on Neuhaus' door...they all just wanted to help, there were no bad words spoken... Jonas got a bit political, but he always is...  
*lightly squeezes his hand*  
They've all got your back... the only thing you can blame them for is overeagerness, here look…   
*grabs his phone and shows David the pictures with the trans flags*

David:  
*squeezes his lips together and nods as Matteo says that he has left the Abigroup*  
*doesn't even wants to imagine what the reaction were like there*  
*then hears about his friends and raises his eyebrows skeptically*  
Oh, God, they didn't, did they?  
*hopes they didn't actually pull any of that off, doesn't want to be the center of attention and draw even more attention to him*  
*then hears that they've all got his back and is quite astounded by it*  
*leans closer to Matteo so he can see what's on his phone*  
*sees all the pictures and doesn't know what to say*  
*thinks that on one hand it's really nice that they show such solidarity - he has never experienced something like this before - on the other hand he is a little embarrassed that they make such a fuss because of him - it seems a little bit too much*  
*briefly hides his face on Matteo's shoulder in shame and mumbles*  
Oh, man...  
*then keeps looking at the pictures and realizes*  
You don't look very enthusiastic in the pictures...

Matteo:  
*shakes his head at his first question*  
Nah, I told them that maybe they should ask you first...  
*then grins slightly as David hides his face and briefly kisses his head*  
*then laughs slightly at his statement*  
Nah...to be honest, it was a bit too much for me... but they were all so full of energy so I didn't just want to leave... and I didn't know what you would think... and well like I said, sometimes they just overshoot the mark a bit...  
*considers telling him about the Whatsapp group for a minute but drops it*  
*was going to discreetly change the title there anyway*  
And you know… I left the Abi group because two guys got on my nerves… but what I read there until then was mostly how shitty Neuhaus is...

David:  
*exhales with relieve when he hears that his friends didn’t do anything like that and mumbles*  
Puh…  
*continues listening to Matteo and has to smile slightly because he again feels understood by Matteo*  
*says quietly*  
They certainly mean well, but it really is a bit too much.  
*has to get used to the thought that maybe Matteo is right and this time it may be different than at his last school - that there isn’t only Matteo at his side but that there may actually be a handful of other people having his back*  
*then hears Matteo’s comment about the Abi group and frowns skeptically*   
Neuhaus?  
*can’t understand that at all*  
I thought…  
*lowers his gaze and continues quietly*  
I thought there would be similar comments like before…

Matteo:  
*first nods and then shakes his head*  
Nah, as far as I have seen… I mean sure there were a few idiots but there probably always are… mostly I’ve seen comments about what an asshole Neuhaus is… and Jonas gave Steffen shit for recording the video in the first place…  
*looks at him and slightly tilts his head*  
You are not alone in this, okay?

David:  
*nods and rests his head against the pool wall when Matteo says that there are always idiots who say stupid things and also knows that this has nothing to do with him or being transgender*  
*knows that he can’t expect /everyone/ to understand but the way Matteo describes it, it seems to actually be a large part of their year that somehow understands*  
*smiles when Matteo tells him that Jonas gave Steffen shit*  
*notices that Matteo is looking at him and turns his head to return the gaze*  
*smiles at his words and even when he still notices a small insecure voice protesting in his mind, a much larger part of him now believes in what Matteo says*  
Okay…  
*takes a deep breath and then says*  
Okay… that was a good swimming practice…  
*is actually feeling a little more comfortable at the thought of leaving the pool today*  
*hesitantly bends forward a little and gives Matteo a short kiss on the mouth*  
*leans his forehead against his*

Matteo:  
*smiles slightly when he says okay*  
*laughs then when he says that it was a good swimming practice*  
I’m glad…  
*kisses him back and puts his arm around his shoulder*  
*reaches with the other hand for David’s and laces their fingers together*  
*hesitates a bit but then asks*  
How long have you known?

David:  
*slides down a bit and leans against Matteo when he puts an arm around his shoulder*  
*looks at their entwined fingers and gently strokes the back of Matteo's hand with his thumb*  
*closes his eyes and relaxes*  
*hears Matteo's question after some time and contemplates how he should start best*  
*finally talks about it and smiles at the end when Matteo says that he is good the way he is*  
*grins slightly and finally says*  
You're not that shitty either...  
*pulls their still entwined hands to his lips and presses a kiss on Matteo's fingers*

Matteo:  
*grins and gives him a proper kiss*  
*then pulls back a little and pffts slightly*  
No that shitty? You probably mean the best!  
*laughs and squabbles with him for a bit*  
How is it going, Mr. Lifeguard, ready to take a step into the sea and towards a warm shower?

David:  
*laughs when Matteo reacts so late to his "not that shitty" and squabbles with him*  
*eventually gives up and falls back on the sleeping pad*  
*looks up at Matteo with a grin but then gets a little more serious at Matteo's question*  
*takes a deep breath and shrugs*  
*actually doesn't know, but thinks he won't know unless he tries*  
It's worth a try, right?  
*straightens up and reluctantly reaches for his jacket*  
*is actually a little nervous*  
*looks back at Matteo and smiles slightly*  
*knows that it is going to be less hard with him and begins packing his bag*

Matteo:  
*nods*  
It's worth a try...  
*gets up and helps David pack his things*  
Hey, as soon as it gets too much we'll retreat, okay?  
*grabs the sleeping pad with the sleeping bag rolled inside it and waits for David to shoulder his bag*

*they arrive at the flatshare around 11 am and Matteo unlocks the door for them*  
Helloo?  
*hopes that nobody is there but then Mia walks out of the kitchen: "Hey... oh hey, David"!*  
*notices how Mia throws him a scrutinizing look, but then smiles*  
Hi, we wanted to... umm... take a shower... is everyone done in the bathroom?  
*notices Mia's nod: "Yes... everyone's done..."*  
*notices how she smiles once more and how she then disappears toward her room*


	10. May 11, 2019 (2) - Do you even realize how perfect you are?

**Saturday, 10:57 am:**

Matteo:  
*nods*  
It's worth a try...  
*gets up and helps David pack his things*  
Hey, as soon as it gets too much we'll retreat, okay?  
*grabs the sleeping pad with the sleeping bag rolled inside it and waits for David to shoulder his bag*

*they arrive at the flatshare around 11 am and Matteo unlocks the door for them*  
Helloo?  
*hopes that nobody is there but then Mia walks out of the kitchen: "Hey... oh hey, David"!*  
*notices how Mia throws him a scrutinizing look, but then smiles*  
Hi, we wanted to... umm... take a shower... is everyone done in the bathroom?  
*notices Mia's nod: "Yes... everyone's done..."*  
*notices how she smiles once more and how she then disappears toward her room*

David:  
*thinks that their "move" from the pool is working quite well and after some time doesn't feel as uncomfortable anymore as they make their way through Berlin*  
*slows down for some reason the closer they get to Matteo's flatshare and only reluctantly follows him up the stairs*  
*can't really figure out if he is afraid of running into one of his flatmates or if it is this new, uncertain feeling of entering Matteo's flat as an actual couple*  
*remains standing at the door while Matteo steps over the threshold and calls out into the flat*  
*would like to take a step back when Mia steps out of the kitchen but pulls himself together, reluctantly takes a step forward and closes the door behind him*  
*smiles insecurely and lifts his hand when Mia greets him*  
Hey...  
*remains standing with his back against the door while Matteo and Mia chat and slowly takes off his jacket after Mia disappears into her room*  
*clears his throat and puts his bag down on the floor*  
*looks at Matteo insecurely*  
Umm... do you maybe have some coffee or something like that? I think I could really use some right now…

Matteo:  
*is relieved when Mia disappears into her room*  
*turns around to face David*  
Yeah, sure...  
*puts down the sleeping pad and sleeping bag*  
*takes off his jacket and throws it on David's bag*  
*goes into the kitchen*  
*notices that unfortunately there isn't any coffee left and starts making some fresh coffee*  
*only notices that David is still standing at the door after he has to turn around*  
Don't you wanna sit down?

David:  
*stands at the kitchen-door and watches as Matteo puts on some fresh coffee*  
*slowly takes a step into the kitchen after Matteo tells him to sit down but feels like at the moment he's much too passive and nervous and has to do something*  
*asks reluctantly*  
If you tell me where you keep the mugs, I can go get them...  
*lets his eyes wander round the kitchen but can't tell where they might be and doesn't want to rummage through the cabinets*  
*tensely fiddles with the hem of his shirt*

Matteo:  
*looks at David and notices how nervous he is*  
*points at the cabinet in which the mugs are*  
There, but not the pink Santa mug, that one belongs to Hans and it’s sacred*  
*turns around then and leans against the counter while he waits for the coffee*  
*watches as David puts the mugs on the table*  
Coffee is almost done…  
*hesitates but then asks*  
Why are you so nervous?

David:  
*opens the cabinet Matteo points at and then hears his words*  
*has to grin a little once he sees the mug and takes two others out of the cabinet*  
*realizes that Matteo is watching him while he puts the mugs on the table, smiles a little and nods towards the coffee*  
*murmurs*  
Perfect!  
*then doesn’t really know what to do with himself, hesitates and is just about to sit down on one of the stools when he hears Matteo’s question*  
*gnaws on his bottom lip and looks up at him*  
*shrugs because he doesn’t even really know himself*  
*thinks about denying it but eventually says*  
I don’t know… somehow it was easier in the pool…  
*laughs quietly*  
…safer…  
*sits down on a stool after all and adds*  
Somehow, this is new… I mean, sure, I’ve been here before, but not… out and not as your… boyfriend…?  
*has to think about the last time he’s been at this apartment and how much he’d hoped that Matteo would stop him when he left but quickly stops that train of thought*

Matteo:  
*nods when he says that it was safer in the pool*  
*frowns when he hears his next words*  
*asks himself why the fact that they’re together now would make it more difficult*  
*had hoped that it would make it easier*  
*rolls the words around his head a little*  
*eventually only says*  
You’ve just dealt with Mia, Linn never says anything and Hans… Hans won’t be a problem*  
*sighs*  
Ican’t take this off your shoulders… but…  
*shrugs*  
Like I said, if it gets too much, we’ll just leave… somewhere where it doesn’t matter that you’re out and my boyfriend… ok?

David:  
*listens to him and doesn’t know if Matteo understood him right*  
*nods when he lists the flatmates*  
*immediately shakes his head when Matteo tells him that he can’t take this off his shoulders*  
You don’t have to!  
*needs some time to really understand his last sentence*  
*understands the beginning and thinks that he should get a grip and that Matteo has already spent an entire night in the pool because of him and that he was right when he said that running isn’t a solution*  
*doesn’t want to throw his basically right solution overboard because of him*  
*thinks about the last part of the sentence – probably way too long – and eventually shakes his head*  
No…!  
*runs a hand through his hair*  
It shouldn’t matter that you are my boyfriend no matter where…  
*grimaces, because it sounds weird and wrong*  
Man, it DOES matter that you are my boyfriend! Especially to me!  
*shakes his head*  
Somehow everything I say sounds wrong. I’m sorry!  
*quickly adds*  
We’ll stay here, okay? It just made me feel a little insecure. It’s new, yes, but not a bad new.  
*looks at him pleadingly*  
Can we please just forget about it? Or at least have some coffee first and continue this conversation afterwards?

Matteo:  
*frowns again*  
*grimaces slightly and doesn’t know what to say*  
*doesn’t have to because David continues talking*  
*takes a deep breath and then nods*  
Yes, okay, we can forget about it…  
*turns back to the coffee maker hoping that the coffee is ready*  
*grabs the pot and turns off the coffee maker*  
*takes it to the small table and pours both of them some coffee*  
*sits down on the stool on the side so that David can sit and still be able to look at the door*

David:  
*gives Matteo a scrutinizing look when he says that they can forget about it and somehow has a bad feeling about this whole situation*  
*somehow regrets having said anything in the first place and is annoyed that he can’t express himself more coherently*  
*watches as Matteo pours some coffee and quietly murmurs*  
Thanks!  
*pulls one mug towards him and can feel that the coffee is still too hot to drink*  
*doesn’t look at the door but scrutinizingly at Matteo*  
*asks himself what he’s thinking about and thinks that it’s only ever about him and Matteo has to adapt to him*  
*doesn’t want him to be left behind*  
*reluctantly asks*  
How are you?  
*feels like this question is completely out of context and adds apologetically*  
Somehow, everything’s always about me. I don’t want you to feel like you aren’t important and that how you feel isn’t important…  
*sounds a little breathless because he is insecure and doesn’t know if they are really done with this topic*

Matteo:  
*puts his hands around the mug but doesn’t drink yet*  
*looks up when David asks him how he is*  
*is currently a little overwhelmed by that question*  
*sighs a little and then shrugs*  
I’m… I’m not really sure… quite good actually, because you’re here… but also a little… I don’t want to do anything wrong…  
*looks at him slightly apologetically because he doesn’t know how else to say it*

David:  
*is relieved when Matteo answers his question, even though his answer worries him a little, and takes a small and quite hot sip of coffee*  
*has to smile when he says that he’s good because he’s here but is quite astonished when he hears the last part of the sentence*  
*swallows once and thinks about where to start*  
*then smiles and slightly shakes his head*  
*eventually says*  
Matteo, do you even realize how perfect you are!?  
*laughs quietly and then starts to list*  
Since I’ve met you there hasn’t been one thing you did wrong. You were the one who wrote to me after our first meeting. You showed me that I matter to you, that our meetings meant something, while I was mostly too much of a coward to answer you. And yet you still kept trying. You went along with everything I suggested, you even followed me into the pool. During the weekend after our first kiss in the pool you didn’t push me to do anything and it was simply beautiful with you! You immediately broke up with Sara when you realized that I reciprocate your feelings, so that you wouldn’t betray her. You were brave enough to tell me that I mean something to you and when I backpedaled, you didn’t back down offended; instead you stood at my door to resolve things. Ultimately, you made me face things because you wanted to know where we were at. You didn’t react in a hurtful way when I came out to you; you only needed some time to figure some things out. And when I ran off again after the outing at the school you went looking for me. You texted me, you called me, and you basically showed me even then that I’m not alone, that you are there. And ultimately, last night you stood in this stupid pool, you ran after me again, fought for me, again…  
*has a small lump in his throat by now, because he only realized now just how much Matteo has done for him in the last couple of weeks*  
*searches for his hand under the table and says more quietly and calmer*  
So far, you have done /everything/ right, that can be done right.  
*shakes his head slightly and laughs quietly*  
I don’t think you have to be afraid of making any mistakes… and even if you did something wrong, don’t you think I would forgive you after all the things you’ve done right so far!?

Matteo:  
*immediately shakes his head when David says that he’s perfect*  
*listens to him and doesn’t even realize at first that tears were starting to pool in his eyes*  
*can’t even believe that David really feels all the things he’s listing*  
*thought that half of the time he was clumsy and clingy*  
*feels David’s hand in his and hears his next words*  
*feels the tears and quickly wipes his eyes with his free hand*  
*doesn’t even know what to say and only looks at him*  
I… ummm…  
*clears his throat and tries again*  
It didn’t feel like what I did was right. So… ummm… thanks…

David:  
*fells the lump in his throat getting bigger when he sees the tears in Matteo’s eyes but tries to swallow it down, because right now it’s not about him but about Matteo*  
*can only guess the amount of tension he’s been under all this time and how awfully uncertain the last couple of weeks must have been for him*  
*smiles slightly when he hears Matteo’s words, slides off the stool and pulls him into his arms*  
*murmurs against his neck*  
It was perfect! And I promise you to give you positive feedback in the future instead of disappearing.  
*kisses his neck quickly and then puts his forehead against Matteo’s without releasing him from the hug*  
Even with all the stuff that’s going on with me i don’t want you to come in last place. I want you to feel good, okay?

Matteo:  
*exhales deeply when David pulls him into his arms and feels once more how he relaxes immediately*  
*even has to laugh a little when he talks about positive feedback*  
*nods slightly when he hears his next words and really realizes for the first time that it is true that David wants him to feel good…*  
*sighs a little*  
Thank you…  
*kisses him briefly and wraps his arms around his waist*  
But I still want you to feel good, as well…

David:  
*laughs quietly*  
Maybe we could agree that we both make sure that both of us feel good… this way we can do both you and me justice…  
*looks into his eyes and smiles*  
*realizes that the tension form a few minutes ago has now vanished almost completely*  
*detaches one arm from Matteo but stays close to him and reaches for his mug*  
*takes a big sip of coffee and looks back at Matteo*  
Hmm… what did we say about showering? Do you want to go first or should I? And do you maybe have a clean towel and some shower stuff that I could borrow?

Matteo:  
*grins slightly and nods*  
Yes, sounds good.  
*releases one arm as well and reaches for his mug*  
*takes a sip but then puts it down when he hears his question*  
Yes, towels are in the bathroom at the top of the cabinet and the shower stuff in the shower is mine... the others keep their fancy stuff in their rooms.  
*releases his other arm from David as well, because he has to run a hand through his hair*  
*hears something and notices Linn standing below the kitchen-door*  
*notices how she only looks at David and how her gaze softens all of a sudden*  
*hears her softly say "David" and determinedly walk towards him*  
*is momentarily scared of what might happen next but then sees how she hugs him*  
*gets wide-eyed because Linn isn't one for physical contact*  
*Linn releases the hug and says: "Good that you're back again"!*

David:  
*listens to Matteo and nods at his explanation about the bathroom-stuff*  
*figures that he's supposed to go shower first and takes a step back when Matteo releases him from the hug*  
*hears his name and looks toward the door*  
*vaguely remembers Matteo’s flatmate Linn and is just about to greet her but the words get caught in his throat when he notices her determinedly coming towards him*  
*is immediately wrapped into her arms and has no clue what he should do*  
*awkwardly strokes over her back and throws Matteo a puzzled expression when Linn already releases him from her hug*  
*smiles slightly at her words and stutters*  
Ummm... hey... thanks...  
*sees how she nods, briefly smiles and then get back to looking serious again, and watches her turn around as if nothing happened*  
*sees how she walks to the fridge, take out a bottle of water and then wordlessly leaves the kitchen*  
*lifts his eyebrows and looks at Matteo*  
Ummm...  
*laughs quietly*  
... is she always like that?  
  
Matteo:  
*had been looking at David just as wide-eyed and clueless*  
*laughs slightly when Linn disappears and he hears David's question*  
Umm... yes and no... somehow she is, but she's actually quite specific when it comes to human contact...  
*grins and prods him slightly*  
So take it as a compliment... she seems to like you...  
*pulls the mug back toward him*  
And now get going before Hans comes out of his room, as well...

David:  
*shakes his head almost bewildered and amused when he hears Matteo's words about Linn*  
*grins slightly and shrugs*  
Okay... then I'll take it as a compliment.  
*thinks the encounter was still really strange*  
*is reminded by Matteo about showering and nods*  
Right... showering...  
*takes another sip from his coffee and walks around Matteo to leave the kitchen*  
*presses a kiss on his cheek from behind and murmurs*  
See you soon...  
*takes his back with him from the hallway hoping that he'll be able to find some clean things in it and vanishes in the bathroom*  
*rummages around in his bag but can only find clean underwear and socks*  
*smells his clothes and thinks they're still alright*  
*had changed his clothes yesterday in the pool – all the other things in his bag had been worn much longer*  
*gets a towel from the cabinet, checks another time if the door really is locked, grabs his toothbrush and toothpaste and steps into the shower*  
*quickly relaxes under the warm water and closes his eyes for a moment*  
*has to think about the events of the past 24 hours and has to smile when he realizes where they have taken him – which is to Matteo's shower with Matteo in the kitchen waiting for him and who told him that he loved him and that he was there for him*  
*doesn't want to waste any time with him by standing in the shower and hurries up a little*  
*washes his hair and his body, then brushes his teeth before he steps out of the shower and gets dressed again*  
*rubs his hair more or less dry and puts the towel over the edge of the bathtub*  
*grabs his bag and leaves the bathroom*  
*while crossing the living room he notices that the door to Matteo's room is now open and that Matteo has moved their mugs and the coffee pot to his table and that he's lounging in his armchair while he waits for him*  
*steps into the room and smiles*  
Hey...  
*puts his bag down and stands in his room a little clueless*  
*nods his head toward the door*  
Bathroom is all yours...

Matteo:  
*finished his coffee in the kitchen*  
*quickly moved the cups and the coffee to his room after that*  
*gets up when David comes back in*  
Okay... umm... make yourself at home... there's still coffee... I'll hurry...  
*really goes to the bathroom after that and only then does he realize that he didn't take any clothes with him*  
*sniffs his clothes and thinks that they're still all right*  
*showers in record-time because he doesn't want to leave David waiting*  
*rubs his hair more or less dry also and decides to let the air do the rest of the drying*  
*manages to be back in his room after 15 minutes*  
*notices David sitting in his armchair sipping coffee, his gaze directed toward his lap, where he must have something that Matteo can't see from his position*  
*only thinks how unbelievably good he looks and how unbelievably great it feels to have him still there, still waiting for him*  
*closes the door behind him and smiles when David looks up*  
Hey...


	11. May 11, 2019 (3) - I have never…

**Saturday, 12:14 pm/7:15 pm:**  
  
Matteo:  
*finished his coffee in the kitchen*  
*quickly moved the cups and the coffee to his room after that*  
*gets up when David comes back in*  
Okay... umm... make yourself at home... there's still coffee... I'll hurry...  
* goes to the bathroom after that and only then realizes that he didn't take any clean clothes with him*  
*sniffs his clothes and thinks that they're still alright*  
*showers in record-time because he doesn't want to leave David alone*  
*rubs his hair more or less dry and decides to let the air do the rest of the drying*  
*manages to be back in his room after 15 minutes*  
*notices David sitting in his armchair sipping coffee, his gaze directed toward his lap, where he must have something that Matteo can't see from his position*  
*only thinks how unbelievably good he looks and how unbelievably great it feels to have him still there, still waiting for him*  
*closes the door behind him and smiles when David looks up*  
Hey...

David:  
*took out his sketchbook after Matteo vanished into the bathroom and randomly filled a page with things that had accompanied him yesterday and today: two Dürum, the transgender-flag from the Instagram-posts, Matteo and him embracing in his sleeping bag, his and Matteo's hands, two mugs of coffee and so on*  
*only made rough sketches and plans to complete some of them later when he has time*  
*skims through some older stuff when Matteo comes back into the room*  
*smiles automatically when he sees him and cocks his head*  
Na? All cleaned up?  
*grins slightly*

Matteo:  
*grins*  
Yep, as clean as it gets...  
*drops himself on the bean bag next to him and then leans forward to refill his coffee*  
*sees his sketchbook and grins slightly*  
Did you have to process the traumatic experience with Linn?

David:  
*takes the mug from Matteo when he refills their coffees*  
Thanks...  
*laughs at Matteo's question and shakes his head*  
*Nah... I was just doodling a little...  
*pushes the sketchbook towards Matteo in case he wants to take a look*  
... I have to finish it sometime when I have more time...  
*remembers something and pulls the sketchbook back toward him*  
*murmurs*  
Hang on...  
*removes the paper clips that hid the pages he thought were too private - obvious transgender elements, some pages on which he processed the humiliations at his old school and countless sketches of Matteo before they met and some other big and small things connected to him*  
*puts the book back on the armrest between them and looks at Matteo invitingly*  
Well, If you'd like...

Matteo:  
*laughs slightly*  
With you it's never just doodling...  
*Is just about to reach for the book when David pulls it back toward himself*  
*thinks that David remembered something he isn't supposed to see and waits for him to tear out or glue together pages*  
*is all the more surprised when the opposite happens and looks at him with wide eyes*  
Of course I'd like to...  
*reluctantly takes the book into his hands*  
Are you sure?  
*sees David nod and then carefully skims through the book*  
*reaches the pages he wasn't allowed to look at a few weeks ago*  
*swallows when he sees the tougher sketches*  
*turns the page and sees his own face, sometimes bigger, sometimes smaller, sometimes only his eyes, sometimes in profile*  
*two full double-pages only of him*  
*looks at him dumbfounded*  
When... when did you make these?

David:  
*watches as Matteo skims the book and only looks at the pages a couple of times to see what Matteo is looking at*  
*at Matteo's question he leans a little further toward him to see which sketches he is looking at*  
*grins and blushes slightly*  
Hmmm... if I told you it was after our first conversation, would you consider me a freak?  
*has actually recorded the situation or the feelings or Matteo himself after every meeting with him... and during the time they didn't have any contact he drew him again and again whenever he thought about him*

Matteo:  
*shakes his head*  
*looks back at the drawings and then back at David again*  
No... I'm just... flabbergasted... for only seeing me once you captured me pretty well...  
*clears his throat*  
After our first conversation I only tried to find you on Insta...  
*looks back towards the page*  
*slowly skims forward*

David:  
*grins slightly*  
Your face etched itself directly into my brain...  
*in his thoughts adds "and into my heart", but doesn't say it because it sounds too cheesy and because it's more true for their second meeting than their first conversation*  
*laughs quietly when he mentions Instagram and thinks*  
I don't even remember when we followed each other there...  
*leans forward when Matteo keeps turning pages, but finds it pretty uncomfortable having to twist like that - especially as the armchair is wide enough for both of them to fit*  
*shuffles to the side of the armchair, almost to the armrest, and asks*  
Do you maybe want to come up here? Then I can see better and don't have to twist like that...  
*can feel a little that he has been wearing his binder for too long but is quite relaxed at the moment and so it isn't too much of a strain, yet*  
*wouldn't mind being a little closer to Matteo, anyways*  
*glances back at the book and notices that they almost reached the "sandwich-recipe in pictures"*

Matteo:  
*looks at him slightly amused but also a little touched*  
Awwww  
*shrugs his shoulders*  
I don't either...  
*does remember it exactly but doesn't want to expose himself as someone who remembers stuff like that*  
*looks up at him when David offers the space next to him*  
*grins and naturally joins him there immediately*  
*would love to put an arm around him but leaves it for now because otherwise he wouldn't be able to turn the pages anymore*  
*turns the page and sees the sandwich-recipe and has to laugh out loud*  
This is genius!  
*looks at him lovingly*  
The drawings are all really awesome…

David:  
*smiles satisfied when Matteo sits down next to him, hesitates briefly but then puts an arm around him and leans against him to look into the book with him*  
*grins when he hears Matteo’s laugh and shrugs*  
At least this way we can never forget what was on them... just in case we want to prepare another feast like that*  
*laughs but then gets more serious again and smiles at Matteo's compliment*  
*hears a phone buzz and tries to fumble his phone out of his pocket*  
*looks at Matteo questioningly while doing so*  
Yours or mine?  
*eventually manages to get his phone out and glances at it*  
*shakes his head*  
Yours!  
*moves slightly away so that Matteo has enough space to grab his phone but lets his arm remain on the armrest*

Matteo:  
*smiles and wipes imaginary pearls of sweat off his forehead*  
Thank God!  
*also notices the vibrating and is immediately annoyed that someone is disturbing them*  
*gets up to take his phone out of his pocket*  
*sees that it's his mother and immediately feels bad*  
Sorry, my mum...  
*walks a few steps away and picks up*  
Hi Mama...

David:  
*nods when Matteo apologizes and contemplates for a moment whether he should leave Matteo alone*  
*decides against it because if he didn't want him to hear the conversation he probably would have left the room*  
*reaches for his mug and tries to look as if he wasn’t listening but still hears everything*

Matteo’s mom:  
*is glad that her son answers his phone; had tried calling yesterday without success and was worried after he had disappeared so suddenly the day before that*  
Hey, darling... I just wanted to ask if everything's alright...

Matteo:  
*turns slightly away from David, more as a reflex than defense*  
Yes, everything all right... sorry that I left... but I had to take care of something... but everything’s good now...

Matteo’s mom:  
Take care of what? Did it have something to do with David? I mean it's probably none of my business... anyways: It is good that everything's all right and well now.  
*sounds a little insecure, as if she didn't know to what extend she is allowed to ask her son about private things*

Matteo:  
*closes his eyes briefly*  
*doesn't really want to tell his mother anything but doesn't want to offend her either*  
Yes... it did... but... everything's fine now and we... we'll make up for the dinner, okay?

Matteo’s mom:  
*sounds happy*  
Yes, I'd love that! With David as well? When do you have time?

Matteo:  
*shakes his head for himself*  
Maybe... I don't know...  
*briefly looks over to David*  
*I'll ask him and I'll text you, ok?

Matteo’s mom:  
Do that! - I'm looking forward to it!  
*one can hear her smile*  
*Bye, my boy!  
*waits for Matteo to say goodbye and then hangs up the phone*

David:  
*had sipped his coffee and waited*  
*only looked up once when Matteo said he would ask _him_ and wondered briefly if it was about him*  
*watches Matteo now, after all, but thinks that he doesn't look stressed but only a little impatient*  
*smiles when Matteo hangs up and turns around to face him*  
*tilts his head questioningly*  
Everything all right?

Matteo:  
Bye, Mama  
*hangs up and puts the phone back into his pocket*  
*nods briefly and talks while he goes back to David and sits back down next to him*  
Yes, that was my mom... I kinda left her hanging on Thursday and well...  
*shrugs one shoulder*  
She invited us over for dinner... but I didn't agree on anything... I can go by myself...

David:  
*briefly thinks about what could have happened on Thursday and realizes that it was probably because Laura had told him that he hadn't come home*  
*feels bad for a moment but doesn't get the chance to apologize again because Matteo continues talking*  
*looks at him skeptically while he talks and shakes his head slightly*  
Um, what? She invited _us_?  
*for one, didn't know that Matteo came out to his mother and didn’t know that he even told her about him, either*  
*smiles insecurely and stammers slightly*  
I didn't know that you... well I thought you weren't out to her... and... she knows about me?

Matteo:  
*nods slowly when he asks /who/ she invited*  
Yes...  
*listens to him and instantly gets a little embarrassed*  
Oh... umm... yes... after I called you, when I wanted to pick you up... after that phone call I texted her... well I came out and she knows your name but not much more than that...  
*looks at him and puts his arm around him*  
And you really don't have to come if you don't want to...

David:  
*smiles lovingly and a little proudly because he thinks it's really brave of Matteo and because it shows him once again how certain Matteo had been the entire time that he wants to be with him - if he even told his mother about him*  
*leans on him when he puts his arm around him and reaches for his hand*  
*quietly says*  
This was really brave!  
*actually thinks any kind of coming-out is really brave*  
*grins when he hears his next words and looks up at him provokingly*  
And if I want to? Would you take me with you?  
*would actually like to meet Matteo’s mother*

Matteo:  
*shrugs when he says that it was brave*  
Over text? I just wanted her to know...  
*grins at him when he says that he wants to come along*  
Of course I would take you with me... but I'd warn you that you can't choose your family...  
*hesitates briefly and gets serious again*  
My mother takes antidepressants... I think she's doing better now... but... it wasn't always easy with her.... and I'm used to not really knowing in what mood she's in... just so you know...

David:  
*thinks the way of the coming-out doesn't matter - if it's over text or in person - it's a really big step*  
*shrugs when he hears his warning and grinningly sighs*  
You don't have to tell ME about it...  
*thinks that one of these days they're probably going to talk about his family, too, but for now he's only curious about Matteo’s mother*  
*gets serious again when Matteo does and listens to him*  
*presses his lips together briefly and at first doesn't really know what he should say or what he's allowed to ask*  
*brushes his thumb over the back of Matteo's hand and eventually says*  
If you want to tell me more about it... about your mother or your parents you can do that anytime... doesn't have to be now... but maybe sometime...  
*looks up at him and gives him a brief, tender kiss on his mouth*  
*murmurs*  
I'm here, okay?

Matteo:  
*nods slowly*  
*smiles at the kiss*  
Okay... maybe some time... later... after you've met her...  
*kisses him again and automatically slides closer to him*

David:  
*smiles at Matteo's words and nods*  
Okay...  
*gets another kiss and feels how Matteo slides closer to him*  
*softly grabs his neck so that Matteo won’t release the kiss and deepens it*  
*runs a hand through his hair, which is still damp from the shower and then back over his neck and his cheek*  
*a feeling of happiness rushes through him when he thinks about the fact that he can kiss Matteo whenever he wants now*

Matteo:  
*makes out with David on his armchair a little longer until his stomach rumbles once again*  
*laughs and apologizes*  
*they decide to get some food and go to the kitchen to make some sandwiches, which they take back to Matteo's room*  
*they then move from the armchair to the bed*  
*at some point, Matteo puts on some quiet music and they lie there and talk*  
*Matteo tells him a little more about his friends, who is or was dating whom or who's crushing on whom, what they are like*  
*David talks a little about Laura and his godmother*  
*at some point in the evening they order pizza and Matteo manages to get it and be back in his room without being held up by one of his flatmates*  
*after eating the pizza they are more quiet and make out more than talk*

David:  
*really enjoyed the entire day with Matteo and felt incredibly comfortable*  
*found it interesting to learn more about Matteo's friends and thus more about Matteo and thinks that being with him like that has a completely different meaning now as finally nothing is standing between them anymore*  
*is lying on the bed with Matteo after eating the pizza - by now both of them only in their T-shirts, as sweaters and hoodies were getting too warm - and enjoys the closeness to him and that they don't need many words right now*  
*runs his fingers over Matteo’s neck while they kiss and can't really resist the urge to be even closer to him*  
*therefore deepens the kiss and moves closer to Matteo*  
*pushes his leg between Matteo's legs and wraps his arm around his back*  
*moves his arm softly up and down his back*

Matteo:  
*feels a pleasant shudder when David pulls him closer*  
*has his hand in David's hair and pushes himself even closer to David*  
*kisses him and notices how his entire body reacts to David*  
*his /entire/ body*  
*panics all of a sudden as he doesn't know what he should do and might do something wrong*  
*pulls away from David and exhales deeply*  
Sorry... I...  
*is still slightly out of breath and has to collect himself a little*  
Well, I...  
*swallows hard and then looks at him*  
I have never...

David:  
*because of the closeness to Matteo he can feel that all this making out doesn't leave Matteo unaffected either and notices that he feels the same way*  
*doesn't have any idea where this might lead to but is too aroused to think about this now*  
*lets everything happen and loses himself in this feeling and is therefore slightly confused and a little breathless when Matteo suddenly pulls away*  
*asks himself briefly if he did something wrong and it takes some time for Matteo's words to get through to him*  
*swallows and then smiles slightly when he understands what Matteo is trying to tell him*  
*puts a hand on his cheek and looks back at him*  
Me neither...  
*gnaws at his bottom lip and tries to sort his thoughts*  
*asks quietly*  
So you never, ever? Neither with boys nor girls?  
*thinks that the question sounds somewhat stupid and blushes slightly*  
*assumed that Matteo had slept with Sara but likes the thought that apparently that wasn't the case and that it will be the first time for both of them*

Matteo:  
*immediately feels stupid and thinks that he shouldn't have told him and should have just kept going*  
*but then he feels David's hand on his cheek and relaxes a little*  
*closes his eyes briefly when he says he hasn’t either and is somehow extremely relieved*  
*opens his eyes at his question*  
*can assume that David is talking about Sara and shakes his head*  
No... boys never offered themselves... and with girls... I didn't want to...  
*bites lightly on his bottom lip*  
So... well... it didn't come out of nowhere that she was able to put two and two together so quickly, I guess...

David:  
*laughs at Matteo's words and feels his heart do a little jump*  
*knows that it probably shouldn't matter but it still means something to him that apparently they'll make this first experience together*  
*thinks that right now Matteo looks so open and slightly unsure but so beautiful that he just has to lean forward to kiss him again*  
*searches for words and eventually says quietly*  
So far, that was out of question... there wasn't anybody I trusted enough that it could have even come close to that...  
*moves closer to him again, gets a little nervous and feels his heart jump to his throat when he whispers*  
But with you, I could imagine it...

Matteo:  
*immediately closes his eyes when David kisses him*  
*looks at him again when he talks and feels even the last bit of tension leave his body*  
*nods slightly at his words and feels his heart beat faster*  
I feel the same...  
*closes the distance between them and kisses him again*  
*at first softly and tenderly but then he deepens the kiss and pulls him a little closer*  
*is about to carefully push his hand under David's T-shirt when there is a knock on his door*  
*can’t even react before the door opens and Hans is standing in his room*  
Hello, my butterfly, Linn said... Oh! Hello!  
*Matteo sat up to at least attempt to shield David a little*  
Hans, out!

David:  
*almost beams when Matteo says that he feels the same, but then gets kissed and pulled closer by him*  
*deepens the kiss together with Matteo and quickly realizes that they pick up right where they left off earlier*  
*flinches when there is a knock on the door and only seconds later Hans is standing in the room*  
*blushes and gets flustered and is relieved when Matteo sits up to shield him a little even though he immediately misses being close to Matteo*  
*hears Hans laugh at Matteo's request: "Oh, you sweethearts, I didn't want to interrupt... let me know if you need anything! Keep going! Have fun"!*  
*blushes even more at Hans' words but actually hears the door close and then it's quiet*  
*lays there petrified and shocked for a moment but then he pulls Matteo back down and half on top of him*  
*grins slightly*  
You heard him… keep going...  
*searches for his lips again and deepens the kiss*  
*eventually puts a hand under Matteo's shirt and softly strokes it up and down his back*  
*loves how soft his skin is there and realizes that he wants to feel more of that*  
*at some point hears distant voices coming from the living room - Mia and Hans: "Why can't you fold your laundry in your room for a change!!? Give them some privacy!" - "But here I'm closer to the action... in case they need anything..."*  
*stops listening to the discussion but still feels a little under observation*  
*is glad when it soon gets silent again in the living room but can't quite turn off the thought that somebody is sitting there, listening to every noise coming from Matteo's room*  
*hears Hans laughing loudly all of a sudden and stops the kiss a little*  
*murmurs*  
We could also go to my place...

Matteo:  
*laughs a little when David pulls him back toward him*  
*manages to suppress the interruption and continues*  
*can also hear the voices coming from the living room and thinks that somehow this isn’t great*  
*sighs when he hears Hans’ laugh and pulls David back*  
*is really glad about his suggestion*  
Yes, please…  
*gives him another short kiss and slowly pulls away*  
Sorry... I never thought they'd all stay home on a Saturday night...  
*gets up slowly together with David*  
*both of them get dressed again and Matteo stops at the door*  
Okay... the plan is get through the living room quickly, grab jackets, bag and shoes and then we're out of here... don't give Hans any chance  
*grins a little*

David:  
*laughs quietly at Matteo's answer and grumbles a little when he slowly pulls away after the short kiss*  
*doesn't want to let him go at all*  
*shrugs at Matteo's apology, smiles and murmurs*  
No problem... you couldn't have known...  
*gets up with a sigh and puts his sweater back on*  
*then says*  
Maybe my sister will be at home, but she usually spends her evenings in her room and probably won't disturb...  
*at least he hopes so*  
*would really like to continue what they started without any interruptions*  
*grins at Matteo's words once they're at the door and nods*  
Okay - go in and win... or rather: go in and flee!  
*gets ready and follows Matteo when he opens the door*  
*has to grin when he sees Hans sitting in the living room in front of the TV with a pile of laundry and doesn't react to his comment: "Oh, do you need anything?! Are you leaving"?*  
*only grabs his stuff, puts on his shoes quickly and leaves the flat with Matteo*  
*has to laugh when the door closes behind them*  
Made it!  
*briefly pulls Matteo against him and kisses him hard but brief*  
And now let's hurry... I want to continue where we left off!


	12. May 12, 2019 - The Morning after

**Sunday, 10:52 am:**

Matteo:  
*wakes up but sees that David is still asleep*  
*grabs his phone and types out a message back to Jonas, they text a bit back and forth*  
*puts his phone away again*  
*gets bored after a while and decides that David had enough sleep*  
*starts poking him a little bit and grins when he notices that David moves*  
Wake up…

David:  
*couldn’t fall asleep yesterday evening for a long time because he was so happy and constantly caught himself grinning*  
*but is now fast asleep and relaxed when he gets awakened by poking*  
*first thing on my mind is that Matteo is with him and everything is good and has to smile*  
*but then complains with a grin when Matteo presses into his ribs*  
Stop it!  
*grumbles*

Matteo:  
*laughs and imitates him*  
Stop it!  
*pulls him close and grins at him*  
Give me a kiss, you ass!  
*squabbles with him for a bit but finally gets his kiss*  
*loves it how easy and naturally they find to each other: his arm is wrapped around David and David is lying half on top of him*  
This is good…  
*smiles at his inquiry*  
This… everything…  
*looks at him*  
*remembers David’s insecurity when they were at the flatshare and his insecurity when they were in public and says softly*  
We can keep this between us, by the way... if you want... and not tell people, I mean...

David:   
*quickly finds a comfortable position in Matteo's arms and relaxes*  
*has to smile at Matteo’s words and hums in agreement*  
*also thinks everything is pretty good and perfect*  
*absentmindedly strokes over Matteo's naked breast with his hand, but then notices that Matteo looks at him and looks up with a smile*  
*hears his words and thinks for a moment about them*  
*finally shakes his head*  
We don't have to keep it secret because of me... unless it's all going too fast for you.  
*feels like Matteo gives him so much security that he finds the thought of giving up his closeness to Matteo in front of other people difficult*

Matteo:  
*immediately shakes his head*  
Naaaah  
*then think about it again and mulls over his words*  
*absentmindedly draws circles on David’s shoulders*  
I just meant... there's so much going on in your life right now... and anyway... well that would be kind of another outing and I... well... I just wanted to say it's okay if you don't want to make it super official yet or whatever...  
*slightly grimaces slightly because he doesn't know if he has articulated himself correctly*  
*knows what he wants and that’s to be with David and everything that goes with it*  
*but he also wants David to feel comfortable with it*

David:  
*smiles when Matteo says that it’s not going too fast for him*  
*gets goosebumps when Matteo starts drawing circles on his shoulders but concentrates on Matteo’s words*  
*thinks for a moment and finally says*  
But I want to! I mean to make it official… because this time it's on my own terms you know? And I think… if we do it together then everything else will also be easier…  
*briefly looks up to him and presses a quick kiss on his chest*  
*hesitates and says eventually*  
Besides, I'm also kind of proud to have such a cool boyfriend... that's something you want to show...  
*grins and blushes*

Matteo:  
*feels his heart flutter a little when David says that he wants to make it official*  
*somehow still can't quite believe the last 48 hours really happened*  
*beams when David kisses him and nods his head*  
*then blushes and gets a little embarrassed and laughs slightly*  
Yeah sure...  
*moves a little so he can kiss David*  
My boyfriend is much cooler

David:  
*looks at Matteo amused when he gets embarrassed*  
You don’t believe me!?  
*returns his kiss, then laughs and shakes his head at his words*  
No, mineI!  
  



	13. May 13, 2019 (1) - I want you to be more important to him than running away

**Monday, 4:30 pm:**

Matteo:  
*came back home an hour ago*  
*took a shower and put on a fresh shirt*  
*wanted to throw his clothes in the laundry, but then smells at his hoodie which still smells so wonderfully like David and puts it on again*  
*knows that the boys wanted to come by at half past five and was just thinking about making some food when he hears the doorbell*  
*goes to the intercom and hears that it’s Jonas who says that he wanted to come by earlier*  
*buzzes the door open and awaits him*  
*grins when he sees him*  
Hey… were you bored?

Jonas:  
*is supposed to meet the boys at Matteo’s at half past five but had some time before and was very curious what Matteo has to tell*  
*just stopped by earlier on a whim and was happy that he opened the door*  
*puts out a ghetto fist to greet him and then gives him a quick hug*  
*grins slightly*  
Yeah, that too. But most of all, I'm curious to hear what you have to tell.  
*looks at him for a moment questionly*  
It's okay that I got here earlier than planned, right?

Matteo:  
*laughs because Jonas has always been curious*  
Sure, come in...  
*walks with him to the living room*  
*has to wait for a moment because of course Jonas takes off his shoes*  
Do you already want a beer?  
*sees Jonas nodding and goes back to the kitchen to get two beers*  
*hands one to Joans and plops down on the couch next to him*  
*doesn’t really know what Jonas wants to know and what he is willing to tell*

Jonas:  
*grins pleased when Matteo invites him in*  
Nice...  
*comes in and takes off his shoes first before following Matteo to the living room*  
*doesn’t say no to a beer and puts his guitar into a corner*  
*sits down on the couch and accepts the beer Matteo is offering to him*  
Thanks…  
*waits until Matteo joins him on the couch and then stretches out his beer to toast him*  
*takes a big sip and then looks at him expectantly*  
*when Matteo stays quiet he asks*  
So since you stood us up Friday and apparently spent the night with David, I assume congratulations are in order?  
*looks at him carefully*  
Did you guys finally made it and are together now?

Matteo:  
*toasts with Jonas and takes a sip*  
*grins slightly and nods*  
Yes  
*sees Jonas’ look which clearly says “don’t let me tear out all the answers out of you” and sighs*  
Okay, well… you know he planned on coming back on thursday but then I got a message of Laura, his sister, that he didn’t came home… and well I went a bit crazy… and I went looking for him and tried contacting him… well yeah on Friday he got in touch and I went over and we… well, we talked and clarified a few things and… yeah that’s how it is.  
*nods slightly and takes another sip*  
*knows that this probably won't be enough for Jonas but leaves it for now*

Jonas:  
*beams when Matteo confirms that he is now together with David and shortly ruffles his hair*  
Perfect bro! I am so happy for you!  
*waits expectantly what else Matteo has to tell and is happy that for once he doesn’t has to tear all the answers out of him but instead he starts telling by himself*  
*only understands vaguely and asks again*  
What? He didn’t came home? Did he stay at his godmother’s longer or what?  
*understands that Matteo was worried and thinks its stupid that David didn’t get in touch with him until friday*

Matteo:  
*shakes his head*  
No he came back on Thursday… well to Berlin at least… he stayed in this run-down building, I think it once was some health institution or something like that… he somehow has this flight instinct…  
*takes another sip*  
There we had… well after we escaped from Abdi’s party we were there as well… I never thought he would be there until he sent me the message… 

Jonas:  
*takes a sip while Matteo talks and frowns when Matteo talks about the run-down building*  
*nods slightly when he talks about the flight instinct*  
*shakes his head and has to ask again*  
He spend a whole night in an abandoned building!? Very spooky!  
*takes another sip*  
Do I get that right? You didn’t know where he was since Thursday and on Friday he sent you: I am here by the way… And you then went there? And then?  
*doesn’t get why David didn’t came to Matteo and why he didn’t tell him earlier where he is*  
*thinks it’s all pretty weird but holds back with comments*

Matteo:  
*just nods slightly at Jonas first question*  
*nods again*  
Yeah, well… actually I think he said goodbye… but he mentioned something and then I knew where he was so I went there…  
*shrugs*  
He was really miserable and thought he is alone anyway and… well… that’s why he didn’t contact me I guess…  
*looks at Jonas and tilts his head*  
Sometimes we just can’t accept help right away… you and I know that quite well…

Jonas:  
*widens his eyes when Matteo tells him that David wanted to say goodbye and interrupts him*  
To say goodbye?! To you or what?! Dude…  
*doesn’t likes that at all and snorts quietly*  
*can’t hold back anymore and it practically bursts out of him*  
Ey, Brudi, being miserable or not, but he could have known that you were worried! And saying goodbye… don’t you mean anything to him or what? If I understand you correctly then running away was more important to him than you?  
*frowns when Matteo tries to compare David to the both of them and shakes his head*  
Not being able to accept help immediately is something different than running away! You and me... we just occasionally needed some time... but in the end we've always been looking for a way to talk!

Matteo:  
*swallows slightly at Jonas’ outburst*  
No man, he was just… it wasn’t about me, ok? It was about everything else going on…  
*shakes his head because that doesn't sound any better either*  
Yeah, okay, it sucked.. but it all just came back for him after being outed by Stefan… what happened at his old school and all…  
*swallows slightly*  
He knows that it was shitty of him… and to be honest in this moment it didn’t matter to me…  
*hesitates for a moment to sort his thoughts and feelings and to decide what he wants to say to Jonas*  
I just wanted and want to be with him, okay?

Jonas:  
*wanted to ask what Matteo means with ‘everything else’ when he adds some parts*  
*is a bit sceptical and wants to add something but closes his mouth again to think first and takes a sip of his beer*  
*would like to know what happened at David’s old school but knows that Matteo would never tell him and that if at all he would hear about it from David at some point*  
*looks a bit surprised at Matteo when he says that all of it didn’t matter to him but begins to understand at his last sentence*  
*feels his heart burst a little bit when he realizes the extend of what Matteo just said an has to admit to himself that he doesn’t know Matteo that way - him really fighting for something he wants - but knows to well that he holds himself back*  
*however wonders to what extent "holding yourself back" is actually decisive when you get what you want in the end*  
*nods hesitantly and says*  
Okay.  
*takes another sip and adds apologetically*  
I didn't mean, and I don't mean to talk bad about him, okay? I just want him to appreciate what he has in you. I want you to be more important to him than running away.  
*looks at him questioningly and then carefully adds*  
I hope he's got the point!

Matteo:  
*nods slightly at his okay*  
Okay.  
*shrugs at Jonas’ statement*  
*can’t speak for David*  
*but then thinks back at the last three days and nods*  
I think so…  
*grins slightly at the memories and looks a bit lost for a moment*  
*looks then back to Jonas*  
I mean he is here now, isn’t he?  
*nudges him with his foot*  
Don’t give him the “I will kill you” speech immediately when he comes by later, okay?

Jonas:   
*nods hesitantly when Matteo tells him that David is here now and sighs quietly*  
The important thing is that he stays...  
*laughs and kick Matteo back a bit harder*  
Dude, what do you think of me!?  
*takes a sip of beer and grins*  
He won't get it until next week at the earliest... when he feels safe in my presence... moohar...  
*pretends a mean laugh, but then shakes his head*  
Just kidding!  
*then sits up a bit straighter and gathers himself*  
Okay, go on... you found him in this building and apparently found the right words... no, don't worry, you don't have to repeat them... and then? Did you drag him back to your place and you have...?  
*does some obvious sex moves and grins a bit dirty*

Matteo:   
*shakes his head but grins at the same time*  
I knew I could count on you...  
*had hoped that question time was over, but knows that it's not when Jonas sits upright*  
*shakes his head and kicks him again in his motion*  
Dude!  
*throws a pillow at him*  
First of all, it's none of your business and secondly, it wasn't here and with that the topic is closed!

Jonas:  
*avoids the pillow and laughs*  
*asks innocently*  
What?!  
*makes big eyes and says*  
Ohoo... you dragged him to his place and then you...  
*wiggles his eyebrows and protects himself in his corner of the sofa from any more possible kicks or pillows*  
*laughs but then eventually it gets serious*  
*sighs once and then sums up*  
So in summary: You've got it all figured out, and now you're one of those cheesy couples in love...

Matteo:  
*nods and grins big*  
Yep, that's it. We stand outside our windows and sing love songs all the time now and... um, I really don't know what else is cheesy...  
*laughs*  
Besides, we already got Carlos and Kiki for the super cheesy stuff...  
*then grins a bit meaner*  
Or some others who may find back together...

Jonas:  
*laughs together with Matteo*  
Yes, Carlos is very passionate in this role...  
*then sways his head back and forth as Matteo obviously talks about Hanna and him*  
Oh, come on... Hanna and I have never been cheesy...  
*leaves it uncommented whether they get back together or not*  
*has no idea if it’s ever going to work out between them anyway and is also unsure whether or not to take the initiative*

Matteo:   
*laughs*  
Sure… you and your guitar were never cheesy when it came to Hanna…  
*takes another sip of his beer*  
Is that the end of the question time?  
*sees Jonas nodding and hears the doorbell*  
*Jonas laughs and says that there must be someone else who is curious*  
*Matteo lets Carlos and Abdi in, gives them a beer and but only tells them the short version, that he and David saw each other again on Friday and not Thursday, but that they sorted everything out and now all is good*  
So please guys, don't make a big deal out of it when he gets here later, okay? We'll just chill together, okay?


	14. May 13, 2019 (2) - Brudi No. 5

**Monday, 8:51 pm** :

WhatsApp, ok.cool.:

Abdi:  
Guuuuys... maybe David was right, after all. Should I just tell Sam?

Jonas:  
Might not have been a bad idea from David.

Carlos:  
Or Sucuk with egg, after all :-P

Matteo:  
Just tell her. It can't get any worse, can it?

Abdi:  
That's not really reassuring

Matteo:  
But I'm right

Carlos:  
Brudi, Matteo is right. What do you have to lose?

Jonas:  
I agree!

Jonas:  
Hey, guys, change of topic: Now that David is basically one of us... does anyone mind if I add him into this group? It was chill with him today...

Abdi:  
Okay, I'll think about it... and sure, invite him, if he wants to deal with us...

Matteo:  
…

Abdi:  
What's wrong, dude?

Matteo:  
Are you sure?

Carlos:  
Ey, Abdi, this way you can get tips directly from David... can ask for details and so on...

Carlos:  
I don't mind either...

Jonas:  
@Matteo: Any reason not to? I mean, David is /your/ boyfriend... Ultimately, youl have to decide, i guess...

Carlos:  
Maybe Matteo wants to vent about him in here if he annoys him...

Matteo:  
As if he'd ever

Abdi:  
Awww *sends gif of hearts*

Matteo:  
I just don't want you to do it only for me... I don't want you to get annoyed by him or anything...

Carlos:  
Well he doesn't annoy me.

Carlos:  
Well, so far.

Jonas:  
Brudi, we are not doing it only for you! David is cool! And he's one of us now, isn't he?

Carlos:  
Of course!

Abdi:  
Sure! He's Brudi Number 5 now!

Matteo:  
Okay :)

Jonas:  
Then send me his contact, Matteo, I'll invite him!

Matteo:  
Hang on, I'll ask him...

Abdi:  
You don't have his number? Brudi!

Matteo:  
If it's all right to give you his number, you dumbass

Matteo:  
*sends David's contact*

Jonas has added David.

** _Translation:_ **   
_Jonas has added David_   
_J: Welcome, Brudi_   
_C: Yeah, welcome habibi 👊_   
_Abdi: [gif]_   
_D: Thanks :)_   
_M: :))_   
_J: Guys! The girls are planning some sort of roadtrip… what are we gonna do? Let’s go somewhere!_   
_A: Croatia 😀the best weather and the most beautiful women 🔥💯_   
_C: And flatrate drinking 👌_   
_J: Isn’t that totally full of tourists?_   
_I’d like to go to Portugal. Surfing and beach and such_   
_D: Yes, surfing is awesome_   
_M: [gif]_   
_C: 😂_


	15. May 13, 2019 (3) - The Vibes are great

**Monday, 9:20 pm:**

WhatsApp, Matteo/Carlos:

Carlos:  
Brudi, I forgot earlier in the groupchat, and now David's added...

Matteo:  
Umm... okay... what's up?

Carlos:  
I just wanted to say that I'm happy for you

Matteo:  
Okay. Thanks.

Carlos:  
For real, Brudi, the vibes are great and you two look good together.

Matteo:  
:-) Thanks


	16. May 16, 2019 - Wallpaper

**Thursday, 5:40 pm:**

David:  
*is packing his sports bag for tomorrow and rummages through his wardrobe to find decent sports-pants while Matteo is lying on the bed looking at him*  
*grins slightly in his direction because he feels watched, but then turns back to the wardrobe*  
*eventually finds his pants, pulls them out of the wardrobe and takes them over to the bed with the open sports-bag on it when he notices both their phones, which are lying next to the bag, flash up and turn dark again*  
*stops short when he sees Matteo's wallpaper and notices how his heart does a little jump*  
*reaches for both phones and broadly grins in Matteo's direction*  
*notices his questioning look and slightly presses his lips together before asking half embarrassed, half emotional*  
You have a picture of me as your wallpaper?!  
*laughs quietly and sits down next to him*  
*hands Matteo’s phone back to him and demands with a smirk*  
Show me!

Matteo:  
*is lying on the bed with his head leant on the pillow against the wall and watches as David packs his sports-bag*  
*grins back when David grins but continues watching him*  
*doesn't really notice the phones flashing up because he's busy watching David*  
*only takes a look when he notices David reaching for both phones*  
*looks at him questioningly*  
*hears his question and gets a little embarrassed*  
*wonders if David thinks it's stupid*  
Umm... yes...?  
*reaches for his phone*  
*actually thinks that it's something great because now he finally has someone that he likes looking at all the time*  
*unlocks his phone and shows David the display*  
*smiles slightly*  
I like looking at you.

David:  
*notices that at first Matteo is a little nervous and thinks it is somehow really cute*  
*scoots closer to him when he really unlocks his phone and smiles now that he can properly see the picture Matteo had taken of him in bed on Sunday afternoon*  
*can feel a strong tingle in his stomach and heart when he realizes once again that all of this is real - that he and Matteo are together and that, apparently, he really means so much to Matteo that he even put him as his wallpaper - that this is totally a couple-thing and that they really are a couple*  
*gets a little embarrassed when he hears Matteo’s words and quickly presses a kiss on his cheek*  
*murmurs quietly and embarrassed*  
You're cute...

Matteo:  
*waits a little tensely for David's reaction*  
*is relieved when he sees him smile*  
*grins broadly when he gets a kiss on his cheek*  
*laughs quietly when he hears his words*  
No, /you/ are cute...  
*waves his phone and nudges him*  
And now answer for us, it's probably the boys...

David:  
*laughs quietly when Matteo says the words back to him and responds*  
Okay, /we/ are cute...  
*sighs quietly and grabs his own phone when he hears Matteo's demand*  
*briefly looks into the chat with the boys but his thoughts are still with Matteo's wallpaper so he closes the chat again*  
*murmurs*  
In a second...  
*instead goes into his gallery and searches for the picture of the two of them that Carlos had taken on Monday and which he had sent him and sets it as his wallpaper*  
*smiles satisfied and feels this tingling in his stomach again because he realizes that it really is a great feeling when each time he uses his phone he is reminded that Matteo and he really belong together*  
*holds his phone with the new wallpaper out to Matteo without a comment, feeling a mixture of pride and embarrassment*

Matteo:  
*laughs slightly*  
Okay, okay...  
*watches David as he looks at his phone*  
*then hears him murmur and waits*  
*sees how he shows him his phone and notices the picture that David has now set as his wallpaper*  
*feel his stomach tingle and he can't really believe that he really is part of a couple and that David even wants to see him all the time*  
*leans forward and presses a kiss on David's mouth*  
Okay, you were right, we are pretty cute...  
*grins slightly*


	17. May 17, 2019 With you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> With this chapter we have officially posted all Missing Moments we've played. That means for us: Now the real thing is just starting!
> 
> Because now the time filled with our performances and head canons begins. This is the start of the plays about the boys' future as we see it.
> 
> Since we started playing right after season 3, we didn't consider season 4. The biggest changes here are probably the following:  
> \- Carlos and Kiki didn't move in together  
> \- Mohammed doesn't exist (sorry!)  
> \- Mia and Alex are not separated  
> \- holiday planning looks somewhat different  
> \- Carlos did not fail his Abi  
> \- Abdi and Sam... well, read it yourself...  
> \- We have thought about future planning ourselves (so Jonas’ Bufti does not happen with us)
> 
> Another thing is that the chapters will get (a lot) longer and will take some time to translate. If all goes to plan, you can expect updates every Friday - Druck Day.
> 
> Furthermore:  
> In many of these plays we're dealing with transgender topics. We have informed ourselves about this topic as much as possible, read all kinds of stuff and watched videos. We tried and are still trying to describe it as best as best we can, but of course we also individually tailored it to David and Matteo.  
> But: Neither of us are transgender. So if we have missed something completely, please let us know.
> 
> In much later plays we also deal with the topic of transphobia. We will mark these plays extra and add a warning. Especially here we refer to our request: Please give us feedback and let us know if we have displayed something totally wrong.
> 
> And last but not least we want to say thank you. To all the people who like our posts. We are happy about every notification we get. But we are especially happy about comments, because we decided to make it public to get reactions.

**Friday, 8:45 pm:**

David:  
*has spent the entire afternoon in a frenzy and still can't really believe that the PE-exam is over and that the first meeting with his entire year after his outing went so uncomplicated and simple*  
*currently feels like he is able to calm down a bit and have a breather, but is looking forward to the upcoming party*  
*has to grin when his gaze lands on Abdi, Jonas and Carlos, who are walking in front of him and are bellowing "Abiabiabitur" again, while they are all walking to the location where the Abiparty is supposed to take place*  
*looks to his side at Matteo, who is walking beside him and is smiling to himself and also seems to be coming down a little*  
*realizes how his heart swells from love for this boy and how happy and relieved he is that Matteo is at his side*  
*reaches for his hand like second nature and entwines their fingers*  
*only then realizes how his heartbeat quickens because they have never done this before - careening along while holding hands*  
*thinks that this feels good and right and looks at Matteo to make sure that it's okay for him, as well*

Matteo:  
*grins when Abdi, Jonas and Carlos start to bellow again*  
*doesn't participate this time and only smiles, takes a deep breath and enjoys the moment*  
*this feeling of belonging, just the way he is and how he feels and that it's good the way it is*  
*then feels David's hand in his and automatically opens his fingers*  
*feels the already well-known feeling in his stomach or his chest or maybe simply everywhere*  
*this effect that only David manages to create*  
*without slowing down he presses a kiss on his cheek and grins*  
Somehow, holding hands is our thing, isn't it?

David:  
*smiles even wider when Matteo kisses him on the cheek and squeezes his fingers for a moment *  
*has to laugh quietly at his words and tilts his head slightly*  
Absolutely! And had we participated in the trust circle we might have realized that much sooner…  
*smiles at Mateo but then gets ripped out of his thoughts when he hears Carlos call loudly: “Awesome! A buffet”!*  
*directs his gaze forward and realizes that they have already reached the party-location and that in the corner next to the bar there really is a buffet set up*  
*briefly wonders who even organized all of this – hadn’t really been able to think about organization-stuff for the last couple of weeks*

Matteo:  
*shrugs his shoulders and grins*  
Well, if you hadn’t been late, maybe I wouldn’t have left…  
*also looks to the front when Carlos calls and beams*  
Awesome! Food!  
*Carlos turns toward him and calls “Brudi, they’ve got sausages”!*  
Sorry….  
*grins at David, lets go of him and goes over to Carlos and the food*  
*Mia approaches from the back and takes Matteo’s place next to David*  
Did you really think this through? *she asks with a grin* if you’re not careful he’ll even eat the hair off your head…

David:  
*only grins at Matteo’s comment but is then distracted by the buffet and by Matteo who cannot get to the food fast enough*  
*laughs quietly and slightly shakes his head about him*  
*is actually pretty hungry himself but is then distracted by Mia who appears next to him*  
*doesn’t really know her that well but knows that she is part of the girl-group with Amira, Hanna and the others and lives in Matteo’s flatshare, and thinks that he’ll probably see her more often in the future*  
*has to grin a little sheepishly when she talks to him just like that and subconsciously runs his hand through his hair when she mentions Matteo’s gluttony*  
Well, good thing that I have enough hair.  
*looks over at Matteo, who is piling food onto his plate and simultaneously bites into a sausage, and has to smile automatically*  
*tears his gaze away from him and turns back to Mia*  
But don’t worry… I’ll take care that from now on his shelf in the fridge is always full so that he doesn’t have to take your stuff…  
*vaguely remembers that she had complained that after their first sandwich-feast they hadn’t cleaned up the kitchen*  
*points towards the buffet with his head and looks questioningly at Mia*  
Are you also going to get something?  
*is really hungry by now*

Matteo/Mia:  
*Matteo loads his plate and then finds a bench with Carlos where they sit down and keep some space for the others*  
*Mia looks at him and has to smile when she sees him looking at Matteo*  
*was actually going to question him some more but thinks that she doesn’t really have to anymore*  
*she laughs*  
Hans is going to love you. His sausage is sacred to him.  
*looks at the buffet at his question and sees Alex waving and pointing at two plates*  
Seems like somebody already took care of that for me…  
*she grins at him once again and then leaves him to go to Alex*  
*Matteo sees how David goes to the buffet and calls*  
Could you bring me another meatball? Or two?

David:  
*follows Mia’s gaze and sees a guy holding two plates*  
*remembers that he had seen him before at the flatshare and also few times at school*  
*nods and smiles at Mia again*  
Well, then enjoy your food!  
*makes his way toward the buffet while searching the crowd for Matteo or the others*  
*eventually notices Carlos and Matteo sitting on a bench and hears him call*  
*tilts his head from side to side as if he had to think about it first, but eventually nods at the meatball-question and starts to load his own plate as well*  
*eventually balances his plate over to the bench where in the meantime Kiki has sat down as well*  
*holds his plate out to Matteo so that he can take his meatball*  
*nods his head toward the bar and puts his plate down on the table*  
I’ll get something to drink… do you want anything?

Matteo:  
Thaaanksss  
*grins broadly and grabs the meatballs and puts them on his plate*  
*Carlos shakes his head and says* “I take everything back, it’s not good that you now have a boyfriend. You’ll get even lazier.”*  
*Matteo shakes his head and shoves him a little and Kiki laughs*  
*Carlos laughs at David’s question and looks at Matteo as if to say “you see”*  
*Matteo ignores him and looks at David*  
I’d love a beer… thanks…  
*he smiles his David-smile and briefly tilts his head*

David:  
*has to grin at Carlos’ comment*  
*doesn’t mind that Matteo is sometimes lazy because he himself is lazy often enough*  
*thus returns his smile, tilts his head slightly and says*  
Coming right up!  
*is glad that the bar isn’t busy yet and that he doesn’t have to wait for long*  
*returns to the table with two beers, plops down on the bench next to Matteo and hands him his beer*  
*notices immediately that he relaxes whenever he has even the slightest bit of physical contact with him*  
*looks at him from the side for a moment, smiles slightly and then pulls his plate toward him to finally eat something as well*  
*moves his leg a little closer to Matteo’s under the table to have more physical contact*

Matteo:  
*immediately scoots closer to David as soon as he sits down*  
*would love to lean against him as well, but saves that for later, after they’ve finished eating*  
*notices Jonas and Abdi sitting with Hanna and Sam and grins briefly*  
*20 minutes later pretty much everyone has finished eating and somebody has turned up the music*  
*Kiki has jumped up and pulled Carlos with her and Matteo takes advantage of the emptied space and pulls his legs up in order to spread himself out on the bench and leans his head against David’s shoulder*  
*immediately feels himself relax and lets his head slide down further to David’s lap and grins up at him*  
No more school… do we have to grow up now?  
*grins slightly so that it comes across as a joke but somehow he does think about it, what the future will be like and that he doesn’t really have any plan*

David:  
*had more or less listened to the small talk while eating and had participated in it a little*  
*then watches the first people on the dance floor and at first doesn’t notice Kiki and Carlos disappear*  
*when he realizes that Matteo is leaning his head on his shoulder he automatically lifts one arm to wrap it around him and realizes only then that the space next to them is empty*  
*takes a deep breath, smiles, and presses a kiss to Matteo’s hairline before he slides down further*  
*automatically starts to run one of his hands through his hair again while his other hand searches for Matteo’s fingers*  
*also grins and shakes his head*  
Hmmm… I’d say not quite yet… only next week… or next month… or next year…  
*laughs quietly*  
*does kind of know what he wants to do but didn’t really have the mind to take care of anything related to that*  
*watches Matteo and wonders whether he has figured out what he wants to do by now, and whether he thinks about it*  
*then figures that tonight isn’t the right time to talk about it, because tonight they should enjoy their newly acquired freedom*  
*smiles a little*  
I think I first have to really realize that we have made it… no more school! No more Neuhaus!  
*tenderly pulls Matteo’s hair and immediately strokes over the spot*

Matteo:  
*grins slightly and automatically draws little circles on the back of David’s had with his thumb*  
I’ll take next year…  
*laughs slightly and lifts both of their hands in the air in a victory-pose*  
No more Neuhaus!  
*shrugs one shoulder and simultaneously nods*  
Yes… calm down and get the results… after that there’s still time to think about it…  
*looks up at David and thinks about his wish to become a director*  
*knows that there are many good film schools in Germany, might actually have done some research on that topic*  
I heard that there are also good film schools in Berlin… the Medienakademie for example… well, that’s what I heard…

David:  
*grins when Matteo says he’ll take next year and nods in agreement*  
Okay, me too…  
* would probably do anything at the moment to have Matteo close to him as much and as long as possible*  
*nods when it comes to results but is actually pretty optimistic when it comes to both of them and says*  
Well, I’m certain we made it… somehow… even you!  
*grins and prods his nose with a finger of his free hand*  
*gets serious for a moment and nods, because all of a sudden he has the feeling that Matteo does think about his future, after all*  
Exactly… we still have some time to figure it out… I’m sure we’ll find something!  
*has to laugh at his next comment and amusedly quirks his eyebrows*  
Aha… you heard?!  
*thinks it’s pretty obvious that Matteo has done research and notices how his heart swells at the thought of it*  
*would love to kiss him immediately but as their current position makes that impossible he instead pulls Matteo’s hand to his lips for a second to press a kiss on it*  
*smiles half-amused, half-lovingly and answers eventually*  
I heard that as well…  
*briefly gnaws at his bottom lip and adds*  
But there are many good film schools in Germany…  
*hesitates briefly but then dares to add*  
… maybe the choice of university might depend on where my boyfriend eventually ends up…  
*his heart suddenly starts racing and he doesn’t know whether it’s much too early to think about this and especially to say those thoughts out loud*

Matteo:  
*makes a pff-sound and scrunches up his nose*  
Well thanks a lot… but yeah, I think I made it somehow…  
*grins a little shily and nods*  
Yeees, I heard.  
*has to swallow when he hears David’s next sentence*  
*knows this, and also knows that David will probably get accepted anywhere with pleasure – they’d be stupid if they didn’t*  
*hears his addition and feels something in his belly doing summersaults*  
*feels like no one ever took him into consideration like that before, thought about him and doesn’t really know how to deal with it*  
*sits up and looks at him*  
*quietly says*  
No.  
*swallows and hesitates before he continues*  
I don’t have any plan of what I want to do… zero… not even a clue… you won’t make a decision based on what I don’t manage to do, ok? We’ll do it the other way round, ok? Wherever you want to go to uni, I… I’ll follow, ok?

David:  
*is scared at first that it was too much and too soon when Matteo suddenly sits up and looks at him*  
*has to swallow as well and doesn't know where to look when he hears Matteo's "no"*  
*then forces himself to look at him again when he continues talking and needs a moment to realize what Matteo has just said*  
*doesn't know where to put all his feelings - on the one hand is relieved that apparently he didn’t go too far and on the other hand is moved that Matteo wants to orientate himself on him and isn't really able to realize just now that they are sitting here and in some weird way are planning their future together - after all the chaos of the last couple of weeks*  
*simply looks at Matteo lovingly, opens his mouth twice to respond, but doesn't really find the right words and closes it again*  
*so simply puts his hand on Matteo's cheek and leans toward him to kiss him tenderly*  
*slightly releases the kiss to put his forehead against Matteo's, opens his eyes to look at him and says with a slightly husky voice*  
Let's just look together, when the time comes, okay?

Matteo:  
*looks at him and waits for some kind of reaction*  
*notices that David doesn't really know what to say*  
*opens his mouth to say that they don't have to decide now but then gets kissed*  
*immediately closes his eyes and relaxes*  
*smiles afterwards and slowly opens his eyes when David speaks*  
Okay... we'll figure it out...  
*kisses him again and forgets a little bit where they are until all of a sudden Jonas falls on top of them*  
*recoils and sees how Jonas picks himself up, hears his "sorry, sorry, sorry..." sees him point at them once he is upright again.* "Continue, and once you're done, we'll drink! We are Abi Checker"!!*  
*he quickly runs back to Hanna with whom he was probably jumping around, and Matteo laughs*  
Well, I'd say we have no other choice but to go drink...

David:  
*recoils when Jonas suddenly lands on them and looks at him amusedly*  
*hears his words and thinks that Jonas probably already had a few drinks*  
*watches as he jumps back to Hanna and how the two of them start to dance again*  
*suddenly wants to move a little as well*  
*grins at Matteo's words and pulls him up from the bench*  
*gives him a short kiss when he stands in front of him and adds decisively*  
And dance, Mister Florenzi!  
*grins and puts his arm around Matteo's waist to approach the bar*  
*knows that he has to take it easy with the alcohol because of the hormones, but doesn't really drink that often and doesn't plan to get drunk today - but a little bit of alcohol to celebrate should definitely allowed*

Matteo:  
*laughs and shakes his head*  
With me, you can't really call it dancing, but I can jump around.  
*drapes his arm around David's shoulders and goes to the bar with him*  
*looks at the hand-written beverages list to David and back again*  
One Vodka-O and one beer, please...  
*looks back at David*  
Beer is okay, isn't it? I know that hard liquor isn't allowed but beer doesn't contain that much alcohol...

David:  
*confusedly looks at Matteo when he orders, but then hears his explanation and has to grin*  
*makes a little bit of fun of him*  
Did you hear about that, huh?  
*finds it really cute that Matteo apparently read up on the topic but also thinks that they just could have talked about it at some point*  
*takes the beer and looks at it for a moment*  
It doesn't really matter if I drink one Vodka-O or three beers... I'm just not supposed to do it on a daily basis...  
*would actually like to get at least a little bit drunk today and plans to order a Vodka-O next*  
*looks back at Matteo and grins slightly*  
You only do your Abi once... if I don't get drunk now, then when?!  
*clonks his beer bottle against Matteo's glass and takes a sip*

Matteo:  
*pulls a face when David makes fun of him but then has to grin, as well*  
No, I read that when I did research. Because I did /hear/ that one should do research before talking about certain topics.  
*briefly sticks his tongue out at him*  
Besides, in the pool you told me that you have to be careful with other drugs, so...  
*hears that he could have also had Vodka and suddenly feels like he patronized him*  
Oh, we can switch, if you want?  
*holds his glass out to him to switch*

David:  
*feels like Matteo thinks that he has to justify himself and briefly feels bad to have caused it*  
*sighs quietly because he knows that Matteo is actually right and that he only means well and grimaces with a grumble*  
Hmpf... yesss... you're right... but... Abi...?!  
*shrugs his shoulders and looks at him fake-desperate*  
*does briefly consider swapping drinks with Matteo but then shakes his head and takes another sip of his beer*  
We'll just have a Vodka-O together later, okay?  
*presses a brief kiss to his cheeks and quietly whispers into his ear*  
At least today I want to be a little bit drunk with you...

Matteo:  
*laughs a little*  
yees, you only do your Abi once, after all...  
*nods*  
Course, we'll do that...  
*blushes a little when David whispers into his ear and wraps an arm around his hip*  
Careful... I'm said to be a very clingy drunk...  
*grins a little and then they start towards Jonas, Abdi, Carlos, Kiki and Hanna who are dancing*

David:  
*grins at Matteo's words*  
Oh... /more/ clingy?! That sounds good...  
*doesn't think Matteo being clingy is a bad thing at all - quite the opposite*  
*lets Matteo pull him toward the dancefloor and gets the urge to dance, as well*  
*somehow isn't really surprised when Matteo stops right in front of the dancefloor and only watches the others*  
*waits for him to take another sip from his glass, then takes it out of his hands and puts it on the next bar table together with his bottle*  
*takes Matteo's hand, grins at him and walks backwards onto the dancefloor pulling Matteo with him*  
*calls at him*  
Well then, show me how you can jump around...  
*while he himself starts moving to the rhythm of the music*

Matteo:  
Umm...  
*points at his glass*  
There's still something in there...  
*then gets pulled by him, sighs, then shrugs his shoulders and starts jumping around*  
*Jonas comes and puts one arm around his shoulders and jumps along but Matteo only looks at David, who is dancing alone and very well, to boot*  
*suddenly hears fingers clicking in front of him and hears Jonas laughing: "You never saw him dancing, did you"?*  
*only laughs, shrugs his shoulders and looks and continues jumping*

David:  
*grins, when Matteo really starts jumping around on the dancefloor*  
*sees how much fun he is having and is happy that he is doing so good*  
*keeps eye contact with him for some time while they are dancing but then gets distracted by Leonie, who comes dancing toward him and congratulates him for having been allowed to repeat the exam with Neuhaus*  
*laughs and chats with her for some time while they continue dancing*  
*spends quite some time with the others on the dancefloor, only stops his movements every now and then to drink something*  
*feels incredibly comfortable and free and accepted and sometimes has to think about the fact that a get-together like this after his outing would not have been possible at his old school*  
*at some point notices Matteo at the edge of the dancefloor with two Vodka-O, holding one glass out to him*  
*goes to him beaming and with reddened cheeks and takes the glass from his hand*  
*feels that he urgently needs some physical contact and loosely wraps one arm around Matteo's hips while he beams and smiles at him with his glass in his hand*  
Thanks! You're the best!  
*clinks glasses with him and takes a sip*  
*barely notices how the music changes into something calmer and how slowly but surely more and more couples start to gather on the dancefloor*

Matteo:  
*holds out the glass to David with a grin when he approaches him*  
*wraps his arm around his shoulders and laughs*  
The best, huh? Between 'not that shitty' and 'the best' all it takes is one Vodka-O, good to know...  
*empties his Vodka-O relatively quickly*  
*watches as the couples dance and remembers how only a few weeks ago he would have fled*  
*looks at David and squeezes his shoulder slightly*  
Do you want to dance?

David:  
*laughs at Matteo's assumption and confirms it*  
One Vodka-O and two beers...  
*notices that he got thirsty from all the dancing and takes a big sip*  
*already feels the alcohol a little as he isn't really used to drinking so much alcohol but doesn't find it unpleasant just now*  
*is a little surprised at Matteo's question but is happy that he wants to dance with him*  
*tilts his head slightly, beams and eventually says questioningly, to give him a chance to flee*  
I'd love to...?  
*laughs quietly and lowers his gaze while he goes to the dancefloor with Matteo*  
*once there, he loosely puts his hands on his hips and looks at him while he starts to move to the beat of the music again*  
*feels his heart beating again out of all this love while looking at Matteo and feels a little surreal - who would have thought that he would be standing in the middle of a dance floor completely out and proud with his boyfriend!?*  
*can't help but happily beam at Matteo*  
*feels better than he has in a long time*

Matteo:  
*is a little shy and doesn't really know what to do*  
*then simply turns off his head and forgets the people around them*  
*puts his arms around David's neck and grins at him a little when he starts to move to the beat of the music*  
*pulls him closer and puts his hands on his neck and his forehead against his*  
*doesn't notice that some of his friends are taking photos and videos and doesn't care either*

David:  
*feels how Matteo slowly loosens up and pulls him closer*  
*closes his eyes when Matteo puts his forehead against his and forgets everything around them - right now for him there is only Matteo and somewhere in the distance some music to which they move*  
*at some point has to smile again a little when he realizes once again how good he feels right now*  
*repeats his word silently but loud enough for Matteo to hear*  
This is good... this... everything

Matteo:  
*smiles when he hears him and nods*  
*kisses him tenderly and grins*  
I agree...  
*wraps his arms fully around his neck again*  
*actually wants to kiss him again but then the next song comes on, a loud one, and two seconds later they are jumped at by Carlos who is loudly singing along*

David:  
*doesn't notice at first that the song ended and a louder, faster song started to play and only really realizes it when they get jumped at by Carlos and thus separated*  
*then notices Amira, Kiki, Jonas and the rest of Matteo's crew dancing toward them and gets infected by the mood*  
*throws a quick glance at Matteo, who is still jumping around with Carlos and Jonas, and lets his gaze wander around the group*  
*notices Amira and Hanna smiling at him and smiles back automatically before he concentrates on the music and the dancing again*

Matteo:  
*suddenly is amid a circle of his friends, who have wrapped their arms around their shoulders, and doesn't really know how it happened*  
*laughs and grins at David, who also seems to be having fun*  
*then the circle gets broken between him and Carlos and Sara joins*  
*he hesitates briefly but then puts his arm around her shoulder*  
*she grins at him: "Don't worry, I come in peace. I'm happy for you, you two seemed happy when you were dancing earlier..."*  
*is a little overwhelmed but also thankful that she makes it so easy for him and only says*  
Thanks.  
*after the song the circle dissolves and Matteo searches for David, who is dancing with Amira and Sam*  
*doesn't join them but gets himself another drink and finds an empty bench where he sits down*

David:  
*notices Sara joining Matteo and him putting his arm around her shoulder*  
*feels a brief stab of jealousy and averts his gaze*  
*has to remind himself that Matteo chose him and that he had already broken up with Sara before he even knew that he reciprocates his feelings*  
*can't really think about this any further because Hanna shows up beside him and leans toward him*  
*to be heard despite of the music she yells pretty loudly: "I'm super happy for you! Matteo seems so happy... and so do you"!*  
*smiles at her and briefly looks at Matteo before he answers*  
Thanks... we are...  
*simply assumes that Matteo feels the same as him*  
*gets wrapped up into a conversation with Hanna and realizes after a short while that talking to her is really easy*  
*their conversation gets a little more superfluous when Amira and Sam join them and he dances a little more now while listening to the girls' conversation*  
*at some point hears Hanna say that she needs a break and decides to join her*  
*grabs his drink from the bar table and then follows Hanna to the bench where Jonas has already joined Matteo*  
*sits down on Matteo's other side and takes a sip first*  
*then smiles at him and asks*  
So? Everything all right?

Matteo:  
*sits up a little bit when David joins them but only so that he can lean on him once he sits*  
Everything's great, I simply reached laziness-level: Matteo and didn't want to dance anymore...  
*turns his head to grin at him and lowers his voice*  
But looking at you was pleasure enough...  
*notices how gradually everyone joins them and start to sit down around the bench*  
*thinks that somehow this is the best feeling, all around him great people and the future open and positive as it had never been*

David:  
*lets the night with Matteo and his friend calmly come to an end and decides to leave with Matteo when the first of their friends start to leave*  
*feels a little drunk and pleasantly tired when they leave hand in hand for their short walk to Matteo's flatshare*  
*is really looking forward to Matteo's bed and some coziness*


	18. May 18, 2019 - What was that about fate?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be plays that deal with the topic of being transgender (bureaucratic, emotional, medical, ...). We are both not trans. We have dealt with the topic, especially Katrin ([ riddikulus](https://riddikulus.tumblr.com/)), who plays David, and have read and researched as much as possible. Of course we know that this can never come close to experiencing it yourself.
> 
> However, we do believe and hope that we managed to inform ourselves to the extent that we were able to get all the bureaucratic and medical aspects right.
> 
> For the emotional side, we tried to put ourselves in David's place the best we could and thought about who we think he is. How dysphoric is he? How does he handle it? How diligent is he? And so on...
> 
> If you have topics that you don't want to read about, please let us know and we will also mark them before the repective chapter.
> 
> Otherwise, like always: Please give us feedback. Tell us what you liked and what you did not like.  
> Have fun reading!

**Saturday, 1:48 am:**

David:  
*ends the evening with Matteo and his friends quite calmly and decides to leave with Matteo as the first of his friends leave as well*  
*feels a little bit drunk and pleasantly tired as they walk hand in hand on the short way to Matteo's flatshare*  
*looks very much forward to Matteo's bed and some comfort*  
*that's why he slumps on the bed with his jacket and clothes and closes his eyes as soon as they arrive in Matteo’s room*  
*moans softly but comfortably and mumbles*  
Hmmmm... I'm drunk... and I want to sleep...

Matteo:  
*laughs as David falls on the bed and closes the door behind them*  
Too drunk to take off your jacket and shoes?  
*sits on the bed next to him and pulls on David's shoes*  
*actually gets them off and throws them in the corner before he kicks his own shoes off his feet*  
Come on, Mr. Schreibner...  
*pulls on David's jacket and tries to pull on one arm but without success*  
You can't sleep like that...

David:  
*grins slightly at Matteo's question and moans playfully*  
Yeah...  
*grumbles as Matteo pulls on his shoes, but then laughs softly when he actually gets them off and tries to get his jacket off*  
*sits up with a groan when he realizes that Matteo can't get it off him and tiredly runs a hand through his hair*  
*doesn't really want Matteo to mother him and eventually peels himself out of his jacket*  
*notices that he had his binder on for too long again, it is tight and uncomfortable*  
*stretches a little bit to be able to breathe better and for the first time in Matteo's presence plays with the thought to take it off in the bathroom and maybe sleep without a binder today*  
*looks at Matteo and almost automatically has to smile because he looks tousled and tired, but happy and incredibly good-looking*  
*gives him a quick kiss on the cheek and mumbles*  
I’ll be in the bathroom...

Matteo:  
*watches as David sits up and stretches*  
*has no idea (yet) that wearing binders for too long is not good and doesn't think anything of it yet*  
*grins and nods as he kisses him*  
Go on...  
*sees David go to the bathroom and then takes off his own jacket and sweater and jeans and falls back on the bed*  
*lies on the blanket and can't imagine getting up again, but should at least brush his teeth when David is back*

David:  
*goes to the bathroom and gets ready for bed*  
*hesitates when it comes to taking off the binder, but finally takes a deep breath and does it anyway*  
*puts his shirt back on immediately and then looks at himself in the mirror critically*  
*runs his hand through his hair unhappily and considers with the idea of putting the binder back on after all*  
*has a wide shirt on, but finds that if you look closely, you can slightly see the shape of his breasts *  
*wonders if Matteo would even notice and if he himself might be too critical*  
*hopes that maybe Matteo won't notice... at least not unless he touches his chest*  
*takes his toothbrush out of his toilet bag and starts brushing his teeth*  
*gets more and more insecure the longer he looks at himself in the mirror and finally turns away from the mirror so that he doesn't have to look at himself*  
*realizes that he spends so much time with Matteo anyway that sooner or later he will have to spend some of that time without the binder*

Matteo:  
*eventually turns on his back and half leans against the wall*  
*wonders what's taking David so long, so he reaches for his phone*  
*goes to Instagram and looks at some of the stories his friends posted*  
*smiles every time he sees David and realizes once again that he can dance really well*  
*then he gets to David's story and has to grin when he sees him and Leonie*  
*then quickly pauses the picture when he sees himself, can't remember David taking the picture*  
*reads the quote and shakes his head with a smile *

David:  
*brushed his teeth and took one last look in the mirror*  
*assures himself that the shirt is so loose that you really can't see anything at all and just hopes that they fall asleep quickly and that he'll be awake before Matteo tomorrow morning*  
*finally comes back into Matteo's room in boxers and a shirt and puts his clothes on the armchair*  
*sees Matteo lying on the bed with his phone in his hand and smiles a little insecurely*  
Hey...  
*hesitates briefly, then sits down next to him and reaches for the blanket*  
*takes a look at Matteo's phone and asks casually*  
Insta?

Matteo:  
*looks up as David comes in*  
*smiles*  
Hey...  
*nods*  
Yep  
*clicks on something on the phone and then turns it to him to show him his own insta story*

What was that about fate, Mr. Schreibner?  
*doesn't really expect an answer*  
*realizes only now that David looks kind of uncomfortable*  
Are you okay?

David:  
*smiles slightly when Matteo holds his phone up to him and he hears his comment*  
*shrugs and falls back into the pillows*  
*almost automatically crosses his arms in front of his chest and thinks*  
*then smiles slightly and states*  
Well, maybe we'd better discuss this again when I'm not so tired and drunk ... it might be possible that I got closer to agreeing with your opinion...  
*then hears Matteo's question, gets serious and feels a little bit caught*  
*but nods and tries a light smile*  
Yeah... sure... I'm just really tired...   
*bends slightly forward to reach for the blanket*

Matteo:  
*laughs slightly*  
A little bit closer... is that so ...  
*is a little tipsy himself and therefore accepts his statement*  
*looks at him searchingly for a second, then nods his head*  
Okay... I'm gonna go brush my teeth as well...  
*rolls off the bed*  
*then leans over again and gives him a short kiss*  
Go to sleep... I'll try to be quiet...  
*goes to the door and turns around again*  
*sees that David is lying on the very edge of the bed, with his back to the middle and his arm in front of his chest*  
*thinks maybe something's up after all, but decides to leave him alone and leaves quietly*

David:  
*had grabbed the blanket and pulled it up far enough to cover his chest*  
*nods when Matteo says he's going to brush his teeth*  
*returns his kiss and grins slightly*  
*mumbles*  
I don't usually fall asleep easily, but today I can't guarantee anything...  
*slides deeper into the pillows as Matteo turns away to go to the bathroom and turns on his side*  
*is actually pretty sure that he can't sleep until Matteo falls asleep, but still closes his eyes and tries to ignore his beating heart*  
*curses himself for longing for Matteo's closeness, but doesn't know how to deal with being close to him without a binder*

Matteo:  
*really just quickly brushed his teeth in the bathroom and used the toilet and came back after ten minutes*  
*opens and then closes the door as quietly as possible and sees that David actually has his eyes closed*  
*toddles over to the bed and carefully gets under the covers*  
*turns on his side and stares at David's back*  
*would love to give him a hug, but he doesn’t dare to right now*  
*David's arm is still crossed over his chest and he seems very distant*  
*then decides to just stroke him over his back once so he knows he's here and that it's his decision to move closer*  
*only after he pulls his hand away he realizes that he only felt the shirt and nothing underneath it*  
*wonders why David took off his binder and whether that's why he is so distant*  
*feels the urge to google right away, but then feels his eyes getting heavy and plans on doing it tomorrow*

David:  
*hears Matteo come back into the room and get in bed with him and notices how he automatically tenses up*  
*tries to convince himself that there's no reason for it, and shortly afterwards feels Matteo's hand on his back*  
*automatically holds its breath*  
*for one thing, he's afraid that Matteo, as so often, will simply wrap his arm around him from behind, but at the same time, he longs for him to do so*  
*feels his disappointment when Matteo pulls his hand back and quietly lets out the breath he has been holding*  
*listens for a while, but doesn't hear anything else*  
*wonders if Matteo has already fallen asleep*  
*turns to him slowly after a while and can see in the semi-darkness that he has already closed his eyes*  
*suddenly finds it silly that he's making such a fuss about the binder and plans to talk to Matteo about it tomorrow*  
*thinks that he should sleep as well, but somehow can't take his eyes off Matteo*


	19. May 18, 2019 - I googled

**Saturday, 11:17 am:**

Matteo:  
*wakes up the next morning and sees that David is still asleep*  
*gets up quietly*  
*slips into some sweatpants and a shirt and grabs his phone*  
*goes into the kitchen and realizes that the whole flatshare is either still asleep or not at home*  
*makes some coffee and then sits down on one of the stools*  
*opens Google on his phone and types “binder” in*  
*gets shown a lot of school binders and shakes his head*  
*type in “sleeping with a binder”*  
*reads that you shouldn’t wear one over night and in general if possible not longer than 8 hours*  
*bites his lips and thinks about how often David and him spend the night in the same bed and he didn’t take it off*  
*immediately has a bad conscience and plans to talk to David that he doesn’t has to to that for him*  
*then remembers that David didn't do that last night either, but was already more dismissive*  
*doesn’t know what to do and if talking about it is the right choice*  
*googles wide sleeping shirts and thinks about ordering some for David so they can keep them in the flatshare*

David:  
*wakes up the next morning and feels well-rested and relaxed*  
*stretches and only then realizes that Matteo is no longer lying next to him*  
*grabs his phone to look at the time and realizes that it’s almost 12 pm - time to get up*  
*sits up and is about to get up to check if Matteo might be in the kitchen when his eyes fall on his pile of clothes on the armchair*  
*only remembers in this moment that he took his binder off yesterday evening and grabs it*  
*briefly looks uncertainly at the door, but then hurries and quickly puts it on again and his shirt over it*  
*then leaves Matteo’s room and goes to the kitchen*  
*sees Matteo on a stool and smiles immediately when he spots him*  
*goes up to him and wraps his arms around him*  
*puts a kiss on his neck and mumbles*  
Morning... is there already some coffee?

Matteo:  
*sees David coming into the kitchen and immediately puts his phone away*  
*wraps his arms around Davids waist and grins*  
Morning… and yes should be finished by now… sit down  
*gets up to get two cups from the cupboard*  
*puts them on the table to get the coffee and milk, then sits down with him again*  
*pours them both some coffee and then asks*  
Did you sleep well?

David:  
*only lets go of Matteo very reluctantly as he goes to get the coffee and makes a grumbling sound*  
*but then sits down at the table and watches Matteo fetching the cups and coffee*  
*smiles amused*  
You don't have to serve me...  
*but still enjoys Matteo doing it*  
*accepts the cup...*  
Thank you...  
*...and blows into the cup to cool the coffee down before he carefully sips at it*  
*nods at Matteo's question and says honestly*  
Pretty good!  
*smiles and then asks*  
And you?

Matteo:  
*laughs*  
Okay, next time we can each get our own cup from the cupboard, I promise!  
*has wrapped his hands around his cup because the coffee is definitely still too hot to drink*  
Good.  
*nods as well*  
Yes, I also slept well…  
*looks at him again and still doesn’t know whether he should bring it up or not*  
You passed out really fast… I mean fell asleep..

David:  
*thinks that Matteo is looking at him kind of strange right now and finds his commentary kind of weird too*  
*but tries to cover up his sudden insecurity by grinning slightly and raising his eyebrows*  
Well, I was pretty tired...  
*puts down his cup and runs his hand through his hair*  
*then puts his arms on the table and adds*  
Besides, I don’t tolerate a lot of alcohol... I'm just not used to it...  
*look at him searchingly*  
*suddenly wonders if Matteo somehow realized he wasn't wearing his binder*

Matteo:  
*nods slowly and starts nipping at his coffee*  
True...  
*quickly bites his lower lip and then nods*  
Yeah... I'm not accusing you of anything... you don't have to justify yourself...  
*smiles at him*  
I'm glad you're sleeping well.  
*then tilts his head slightly and decides to just say it*  
I googled... and maybe it's all not true... I mean, it’s Google... but... well... I want you to be well, okay? I want you to feel good...  
*swallows and then realizes that he hasn't yet said what he wanted to say*  
I can keep my hands off you at night... if it makes you uncomfortable or something... I don't care, honestly… but I don’t want that you keep it on at night because of me or something.  
*has looked down on the tabletop in the middle of his bumpy speech and only now hesitantly lifts his gaze again*  
Okay?

David:  
*looks skeptically at Matteo when he suddenly changes the topic and tells him about googling stuff*  
*doesn't understand at first what this is all about and wants to tell Matteo that he doesn't have to google, but can just ask him if he wants to*  
*has to smile when Matteo says that he wants him to be well, but still doesn't know what it's all about*  
*interrupts him briefly and says*  
But I'm all right!  
*then listens to what he has to say and realizes what it's all about*  
*lowers his gaze and breathes out*  
*at first doesn’t know what to say and tries to concentrate*  
*then lifts his gaze and nods*  
Okay…  
*finds it somehow touching that Matteo has informed himself and that he is worried and wonders what he is so afraid of*  
*thinks that Matteo deserves more than a simple “Okay” and tries to keep eye contact when he adds*  
That has nothing to do with you, okay? I… probably should have addressed it earlier… but… well… I am not used to someone seeing me without it.  
*thinks he is just rambling incoherent stuff and reaches for his coffee cup for support as he continues to search for words*  
*doesn’t know what Google had told Matteo but nevertheless summarizes quite factly perhaps to gain a bit of confidence when he says*  
Well it is recommended not to wear it for more than eight hours in a row and preferably not at all during physical exercise. But sometimes it can’t be avoided to wear it longer and as long as it is not too long, it is okay for me. When we chilled at your place after our first kiss, it was okay for a longer time... because most of the time we were just lying there... I feel it stronger after a while, but it was okay... And yesterday... yesterday I had the sports exam and was active the whole afternoon and in the evening I danced a lot and moved a lot and drank alcohol and when we arrived here, it was suddenly not okay anymore and I felt like I couldn't breathe and wanted to... I don't know... just relax... but...  
*bites his lower lip and lowers his gaze again*  
*doesn’t know how he is supposed to continue talking without stammering*  
*tries anyway*  
It's just the body part that's most obviously not male when I'm not wearing the binder...  
*takes in a deep breath and admits with a trembling voice*  
… and sometimes I don’t like myself a lot when I am not wearing it…  
*feels how he blushes*  
*it's kind of hard to be this open*  
*adds quietly*  
How can I expect others to like me without it?  
*would like to add that he still longs for Matteo's closeness when he's not wearing the binder and that he actually doesn't want Matteo to leave him alone at night, but finds it quite selfish to think so and doesn't get the idea that Matteo couldn't really care less about it*

Matteo:  
*looks at him while he talks and nods every now and then*  
*feels his heart tightening*  
*thinks how unjust it is by mother nature that she didn't just give David the right body right away and he now has to deal with all that bullshit*  
*stands up after his last question and walks around the table just to hug him*  
Hey *he says softly* I always like to look at you... and if you're not wearing it, then... I mean, I can be mindful how to hug you, ok?  
*leaves his arms around David but moves back a little so he can look at him*  
But if physical contact is too much, you can just say so, okay? Sometimes I just don't get things right away... but then you have to tell me, okay?

David:  
*immediately wraps his arms around Matteo when he hugs him and buries his face on his shoulder*  
*suddenly has a lump in his throat because Matteo is just perfect and he doesn't know how to deal with all the acceptance*  
*lifts his gaze when he feels Matteo backing away and looks at him too*  
*smiles slightly at his words and swallows the stupid lump*  
*then says quietly*  
To me it seems like you get a lot more than you think...  
*then buries his face again on Matteo's shoulder and pulls him closer*  
*mumbles*  
Physical contact with you is never too much... I think I just need to learn to understand that you're okay with it...  
*somehow has the need to make up for last night's lack of physical contact and feels himself gradually relaxing in Matteo's arms*

Matteo:  
*laughs quietly*  
Seems to me like you're biased...  
*wraps his arms tighter around David and briefly kisses his head*  
*says softly*  
I'm okay with everything as long as you're here...  
*strokes David’s back with his right hand and just holds him tight*


	20. May 18, 2019 (3) - Without binder

**Saturday, 11:22 pm:**

Matteo:  
*they chilled the whole day*  
*are lying on the sofa now, the empty pizza box still on the desk and the TV is on*  
*Matteo is lying half on the sofa, half leaning against David and is actually no longer paying attention*  
*has one hand linked with David and is tapping slightly against his fingers*  
Bed?  
*he asks and turns his head a bit to look at him*

David:  
*follows the report on the TV only half heartedly and is concentrating on their linked hands instead, Matteo's tapping finger and Matteo's hair that tickles him slightly when Matteo moves*  
*is feeling tired and lazy*  
*hums at Matteo's question and wraps his arms around him, so he can’t stand up*  
*grins slightly*  
Carry me...  
*finds it comfortable on the sofa, even though he has nothing against Matteo's bed*

Matteo:  
*turns so he can lie in his arms and on him*  
You know that wouldn't end well for both of us... You are the athlete...*  
*stretches and acts like he wants to lift David*  
*sighs theatrically as if he really tried it*  
Looks like we'll have to stay here...

David:  
*is extremely satisfied that Matteo turns around in his arms and finds it actually more comfortable now than before*  
*mumbles*  
Right now I'm not an athlete, right now I'm tired and lazy...*  
*protests when Matteo actually tries to lift him up and laughs at his theatrical sigh*  
*pulls him back*  
Seems like it...  
*searches for his lips and kisses him tenderly*

Matteo:  
*laughs a bit*  
Tired and lazy... I am a good influence on you...  
*smiles slightly and nods*  
*smiles into the kiss and strokes his hair back*  
*deepens the kiss even more and lets his other hand wander down David's arm*  
*hears someone clear their throat and doesn't know who or what it is at first*  
*feels how David pulls away and slightly turns his head*  
*sees Linn standing in the living room and watching them*  
Uhm... hi? Everything alright?

David:  
*smiles at the comment about good influence and nods*  
*feels that Matteo smiles into the kiss and also has to smile, before they deepen the kiss*  
*strokes tenderly through Matteo's hair and gets goosebumps on the arm that Matteo touches*  
*wants to deepen the kiss when he hears someone clear their throat*  
*interrupts the kiss directly and feels how he blushes a bit when he sees Linn standing in the living room*  
*shyly bites his lower lip*  
*has to hide a smile when Linn doesn't answer Matteo's question and instead just sits down on the other sofa and asks: “Are you still watching the report or can I switch?”*  
*picks himself up and laughs quietly*  
Eh... you can switch...  
*gives her the remote and changes a look with Matteo*  
*smiles and points with his head in the direction of his room*  
*says to Linn*  
We were just about to go to bed anyway*  
*and to Matteo again*  
Do you want to go to the bathroom first?

Matteo:  
*just has to smile when Linn just sits down*  
*even though they don’t talk that much, he kinda likes her*  
*she is so different*  
*smirks at David and nods*  
Yes, I will go first...  
*Linn looks at both of them: “Oh, you don't need to go because of me. I don't care about kissing, I'm watching TV.”*  
*laughs and picks himself up*  
It's alright Linn... Have fun and good night  
*Linn looks at him honestly: “Oh thank you. Good night to you too”*  
*grins again and goes into the bathroom*  
*Linn looks from the TV at David: “He laughs more since you are here. That's good.”, before she nods to herself and looks at the TV again*

David:  
*never met a person like Linn before and thinks she is really strange and wonderful*  
*but still has to get used to her openness and her sudden appearances*  
*looks after Matteo as he goes into the bathroom and is just about to go to Matteo's room when Linn suddenly looks at him*  
*has to smile at her words and is just about to say something when she already looks back at the TV*  
*hesitates and says*  
Yes, that's good.  
*doesn't know if the conversation is over now, as Linn doesn't say anything and just looks at the TV*  
*stands up hesitantly and clears his throat*  
Hmm... so... I... eh... I will go now... good night!  
*then goes into Matteo's room, as Linn doesn't say anything back*

Matteo:  
*comes out of the bathroom after a while*  
*goes through the living room, but doesn't say anything because she seems to be lost in the TV program and just goes into his room*  
*sees David sitting on his bed*  
Hey... the bathroom is free  
*he says and pulls his shirt over his head and throws it on his chair*  
*does the same with his trousers und goes to his bed*

David:  
*smiles as Matteo comes into the room and stands up when he says that the bathroom is free*  
I'll hurry...  
*still notices how Matteo pulls off his shirt and disappears through the living room into the bathroom – past Linn, who is lost in the TV program*  
*when he arrives in the bathroom he goes on the toilet first, washes himself fast and brushes his teeth*  
*looks at himself in the mirror and plans on not making such a drama about the binder today as yesterday*  
*he knows – and he actually knew it yesterday too that he can talk with Matteo about everything and that he was actually his own worst enemy yesterday*  
*doesn't want to spend another without Matteo's physical contact*  
*pulls the shirt and binder off after brushing his teeth and puts the shirt back on immediately without looking in the mirror*  
*hesitates and takes a deep breath*  
*is excited and nervous*  
*finally overcomes himself and leaves the bathroom, quickly crosses the living room without paying attention to Linn and closes Matteo's door behind him*  
*sees Matteo sitting on the bed and tries to smile*  
*knows that he can neither hide his insecurity from Matteo, nor does he want to hide it, so he lifts the binder slightly to show Matteo that he has taken it off and throws it onto Matteo's heap of clothes*  
*pulls off his trousers and his socks quickly, throws them onto the heap of clothes too and climbs into Matteo's bed with a beating heart*

Matteo:  
*has been sitting on the bed and not doing anything*  
*looks up when David enters the room*  
*notices immediately that something is up and sees the binder in his hand*  
*slightly nods*  
That's good... come here...  
*also climbs under the blanket and carefully wraps his arm around David's waist and stomach from behind*  
*asks quietly*  
Is that okay?

David:  
*grabs Matteo's hand when he he wraps his arm around him and pulls him closer*  
*snuggles against him and nods at his question*  
Yes...  
*notices how he slowly relaxes in Matteo's arms and strokes the back of Matteo's hand with his thumb*  
*is still somehow dissatisfied*  
*thinks that it shouldn't be like that, that it shouldn't be something special to not wear a binder while he is with Matteo - especially because they are together so much and should spend every free minute together*  
*does not want Matteo to have any fear of contact and is aware that through his behavior he made sure that Matteo had some*  
*just wants to be himself around him and don't want it to be tense between them if he's not wearing the binder - if it should actually be as okay for Matteo as he emphasized this morning*  
*thinks that he can basically only find it out if he gives Matteo the opportunity to treat him normally*  
*after a short while he turns around in Matteo's arms and looks at him*  
*lies pretty close to him and is visibly looking for words*  
*says quietly*  
Maybe... so...  
*shakes his head and starts again*  
I don't want you to think about how you... how you are allowed to touch me and not... I mean... we are together so often... and it will hopefully be like that in the future... and I...  
*takes a deep breath*  
... I don't want it to be something special when I'm not wearing the binder. So if it's really okay for you... maybe we could act like everything is normal?  
*has a beating heart when he moves a little closer to Matteo so that their chests are touching*

Matteo:  
*smiles right away when David turns around*  
*just wants to tell him again that everything is alright when he sees that David seems to be looking for words*  
*but then he speaks and Matteo listens*  
*feels how everything contracts for a moment, because he just loves him for who he is and would like to protect him from all these stupid doubts and considerations*  
*wraps his arms even tighter around him as he comes closer*  
*never cared about breasts, even back when he still thought he was hetero*  
*never understood why his friends liked them so much*  
*and now that he feels David's breasts it's not weird or disgusting or whatever David feared*  
*they don't turn him on, but they are not supposed to do that, they are just there, pretty small, to boot*  
*grins at him and gives him a short kiss*  
*is not sure if it's the right situation for a joke but still tells it to possibly make David smile*  
Hey... they are so small... I can forget them for both of us... okay?

David:  
*is grateful that Matteo immediately returned the hug and tightened it*  
*smiles and relaxed a bit*  
*has to smile at Matteo's joke*  
*is actually pretty happy that he started taking hormones so early and that his breasts are now really small because of that*  
*says quietly*  
So far I've been able to forget them myself now and then... but this is something different... kind of new... but...  
*is looking for the right words again, but thinks that it's actually not that important, since Matteo seems to be okay with it – so why shouldn't it be okay for him either*  
*shakes his head and slightly smiles*  
Whatever... it's all good...  
*kisses his neck, because he can't reach his lips and mumbles*  
You are good...

Matteo:  
*nods because he understands*  
Yes... all new... all good...  
*grins and turns his head to kiss him properly*  
No, /you/ are good... /I/ am the best...  
*laughs a bit and pulls David even closer*

David:  
*returns the kiss*  
*laughs at his words and softly boxes him in the ribs*  
Fuck you – that is slowly getting to your head*  
*acts like he is offended and pushes himself out of the hug*  
No more compliments for you! That's it!  
*can hardly hide a smile*

Matteo:  
*laughs and boxes him back*  
Hey! You said I'm not that shitty... that hurt my feelings... you need to cheer me up again... come here...  
*tries to pull him back*  
Okay, okay, I'm not the best.. come back here.  
*just moves forward and snuggles up to him again*

David:  
*laughs but still acts offended when Matteo tries to pull him back*  
No... I'm sulking now!  
*raises a skeptical eyebrow when Matteo says he is not the best*  
*can't help himself but to wrap his arms around him again as he snuggles up to him*  
*grins and lies back*  
Maybe we both are the best...


	21. May 20, 2019 - The duel

**Monday, 11:19 am:**

David:  
*is at the flatshare with Matteo and has made himself comfortable on Matteo's bed*  
*has been texting Leonie while Matteo was in the shower and has made plans to meet her for coffee this afternoon*  
*looks up when Matteo comes back from the bathroom into his room, smiles when he sees him and sits up*  
*tells him*  
I just texted Leonie and she asked if I wanted to meet for coffee this afternoon...  
*looks at Matteo questioningly*  
... or did we have other plans?

Matteo:  
*comes back into the room and grins at David*  
*sits down on the bed in a way that he can look at him and puts a hand on David's leg*  
*slightly frowns when he mentions Leonie and that they want to meet*  
*slowly shakes his head*  
Not that I'm aware...  
*tilts his head slightly*  
Have you been doing this for a while? Hang out together... outside of school?

David:  
*puts his hand on Matteo's hand and almost automatically starts to draw circles on the back of his hand*  
*notices Matteo frown and wonders if him meeting Leonie somehow sucks for him*  
*wouldn't mind if he came along - isn’t used to doing anything without him anyways, as they are almost always together at the moment*  
*nods when he says that they don't already have plans and smiles slightly*  
*is about to ask him if he wants to join when he hears his question*  
*thinks for a moment and shrugs*  
So far we only met once or twice after school... one time spontaneously right after school and one time where we made plans... we always saw each other and talked to each other regularly in school... so "hanging out" outside of school never really presented itself...  
*kept drawing circles on his hand but now entangles their fingers*  
*looks at him, smiles and asks*  
Do you maybe want to come along?

Matteo:  
*nods slowly when he explains*  
*doesn't really know why he finds it so strange that they meet*  
*remembers that Leonie was into David and remembers why he doesn't like the thought*  
*but doesn't say it out loud*  
*slowly shakes his head at his question*  
No, it’s okay... I mean... she is okay and everything... but we aren't exactly... each other's favorite person...  
*at first wanted to say that they don't have much in common but then figured that this probably wasn't true*  
You can let me know when you're back home, then I'll come over...

David:  
*sighs quietly when Matteo says that he won't join them and wraps his arm around him and puts his head on his shoulder*  
*murmurs*  
Too bad... I'll miss you...  
*grins slightly*  
You don't exactly have to be each other's favorite person... acquaintances is enough... but I get it...  
*thinks that maybe for him seeing Leonie isn't so great since she is Sara's best friend*  
*kisses the crook of his neck and nods at his suggestion*  
I'll do that...  
*continues "clinging" to him for a moment and enjoys the closeness*  
*at some point grumbles*  
I should go shower as well...

Matteo:  
*also wraps his arms around him*  
*would love to simply pull the blanket over them and just not let David leave again*  
*murmurs quietly*  
Me, too.  
*grins slightly when David tries to argue*  
No, I know... we are acquaintances... but a lot happened..  
*grumbles when he says he should go shower*  
*doesn't let go of him*  
Soon...  
*moves slightly so that he can kiss him and keeps holding onto him a little longer*

David:  
*nods when Matteo says that a lot has happened and thinks that the two of them might simply need some time*  
*grins slightly when Matteo doesn't let go of him and doesn't really put in any effort to defend himself*  
*kisses him back and murmurs*  
Okay, soon...  
*lets himself fall backwards onto the bed with him so that it's more comfortable, and tenderly strokes his hair out of his face*  
*thinks that five minutes more or less don't matter*

Matteo:  
*is happy when David agrees*  
*laughs triumphantly when he pulls him down with him*  
*are lying next to each other on their sides and Matteo scoots a little closer so that it's easier to kiss him*  
*actually manages to keep David in bed for a good 15 minutes before he eventually sits up and states that he really has to shower now*  
*tries to keep a hold of him but fails when he gets up and pouts*  
*grumbles*  
When are you meeting Leonie?

David:  
*really enjoys and forgets time in bed with Matteo and is pretty sure that they have far exceeded the five minutes when he finally pulls himself together and sits up*  
*has to smile when he looks down at Matteo and sees him pout*  
*answers him*  
Not until three... but the fridge is empty and I don't want you to have to go shopping alone again...  
*scans the floor for clothes and notices his binder first and grabs it*  
*looks in his duffel bag where only clean boxer shorts and socks but no clean shirts are left*  
*grabs clean boxer shorts and socks and then looks at Matteo and points his head towards the wardrobe*  
I don't have anything clean left - may I?

Matteo:  
*sighs theatrically loudly*  
Oh yes... shopping!  
*looks at his little shelf by the bed where David had put a shopping list some time yesterday*  
*looks back at David when he asks him something*  
*needs a moment to understand what he means*  
Yes, sure... don't have to ask, help yourself...

David:  
*smiles at Matteo's words and tilts his head*  
Okay...  
*gets up and walks to the wardrobe*  
*grabs Matteo's light blue shirt and after searching for a little while even finds pants that hopefully won't go down to his knees*  
*somehow likes the thought of wearing something of Matteo's and of having him with him to some extent, even if they're not together*  
*has everything he needs and bends down to Matteo again to give him a quick kiss*  
*murmurs*  
See you soon...  
*retreats quickly and disappears into the bathroom because he is afraid that otherwise Matteo might grab him again and pull him back onto the bed*

Matteo:  
*looks at what David pulled out and grins slightly*  
*likes David in blue*  
*likes David in his clothes in general*  
*kisses him back and is just about to lift his hand to hold him when he already disappears*  
*grumbles and turns to his side*

*2,5 hours later they have finished shopping and put everything away*  
*hang out on the couch in the living room when David starts to slowly get up*  
*grumbles slightly*  
*but then says with a grin*  
Okay, have fun with Leonie... don't let her hit on you too much...

David:  
*has showered and then gone shopping with Matteo and has enjoyed the time until meeting Leonie with him on the couch*  
*looks at Matteo with raised eyebrows and a slight grin when he gets up and hears his words*  
Ha-ha... thanks!  
*puts on his shoes which are standing next to the couch*  
I'll call you when I'm on the way to my place and we'll see each other there?  
*bends down to him as he remained lying on the couch*  
*kisses him tenderly and carefully runs a hand through his hair*  
*looks at him with a smile and murmurs*  
I won't be that long...

Matteo:  
*nods at him*  
Yes, call me as soon as you're on your way... You know: you say jump, I'll gladly say how high.  
*this time immediately lifts his hand to put it on David's neck to keep him close a little longer while he kisses him*  
Okay... maybe I'll text you... in case I miss you or something like that...  
*grins mischievously*  
*sees him also grin and then disappear out of the living room*  
*sighs a little and grabs the remote to zap through the channels*  
*is bored after only two minutes*  
*grabs his phone and types a message to David*  
 _WhatsApp Matteo/David:_  
 _Matteo:_  
 _If she wears something with a low neckline, you'll come back immediately!_

David:  
*has just sat down on the bus when his phone vibrates*  
*reads Matteo's message and has to grin*  
*answers*  
 _WhatsApp Matteo/David:_  
 _David:_  
 _I wasn't explicitly planning on paying attention to her neckline, but for you I'll do it, of course, and I'll come back if I have to, you loon!_  
*puts the phone away and arrives 3 minutes early at the café*  
*but notices Leonie already sitting outside and waves at her*  
*reaches her table and hugs her*  
Hey... nice that this worked out so spontaneously!  
*sits down and looks at her*  
How are you?  
*reaches for the menu*

Leonie:  
*sees David arrive and notices how happy she is to see him*  
*gets up when he reaches her and hugs him back*  
Everything all right, and you? You look relaxed.  
*notices him reaching for the menu and shakes her head*  
If you're into coffee you have to try the Latte, in my opinion it's the best in town.

David:  
*grins slightly when she says that he looks relaxed and leans back*  
I am... I mean, after Friday... I think every one of us needed a little relaxing!  
*laughs quietly and asks*  
Did you stay for much longer? How was the rest of the night?  
*puts the menu back down when he hears her words and nods fake-serious*  
Well, then I definitely have to try it!

Leonie:  
*laughs and nods*  
Yes... oh yes... I don't even really remember. When did you leave? Well I think I was back home at three or something like that.  
*smiles when he accepts her suggestion*  
You won't regret it, I promise.

_WhatsApp Matteo/David:_   
_Matteo:_   
_And? How low is it? Are you coming back home?_

David:  
*runs a hand through his hair and thinks*  
Huh, I don't really remember... around two?  
*laughs quietly and shrugs*  
Sometime after the Vodka-O I lost my sense of time...  
*feels his phone vibrate and pulls it out of his pocket*  
*grins slightly when he reads Matteo's text and murmurs "sorry..." in Leonie's direction*  
*texts back*  
 _WhatsApp Matteo/David:_  
 _David:_  
 _Normal shirt with a normal neckline. Can I stay? ;-)_  
*puts the phone on the table because he expects Matteo to answer and notices Leonie's curious gaze*  
*doesn't say anything and instead turns towards the waitress who has just arrived at their table*  
*orders a Latte and waits for Leonie to order as well*

Leonie:  
*laughs when he mentions the Vodka-O*  
Yeah, yeah, the lovely alcohol.  
*looks curiously when he pulls the phone out of his pocket*  
*doesn't look at the phone but at him*  
*sees him grining and wonders if it's Matteo*  
*waves it off when he apologizes*  
Don't worry.  
*notices the waitress and also orders a Latte*  
And what else? Do you have any plans for the summer?

_WhatsApp Matteo/David:_   
_Matteo:_   
_Hmm, all right. But if she throws her hair back then you casually mention that you have a boyfriend who knows where she lives. ;-)_

David:  
*receives the answer from Matteo while Leonie orders her coffee and quickly answers*  
 _WhatsApp Matteo/David:_  
 _David:_  
 _I guess she already has that information. ;-)_  
 _*sends a heart and kiss emoji*_  
*turns back to Leonie and shrugs*  
Nothing confirmed to be honest. Maybe we'll go somewhere with Matteo and his friends for a few days... but they don't really make any progress in planning. Should that not work out... we'll see... maybe I'll spontaneously go somewhere for a few days with Matteo...  
*hasn't really thought of an alternate plan*  
*looks at her questioningly*  
And what about you?

Leonie:  
*laughs at David's answer*  
Oh yes, the chaos-group... I vaguely remember. They always have a thousand ideas, but nobody puts them into action.  
*laughs again slightly*  
Sara and I are going on a trip. Nothing big, probably to the Baltic Sea or to some island in that area. Something cheap but where we can have fun.

_WhatsApp Matteo/David:_   
_Matteo:_   
_She better. Did she already ask you about your plans for the summer? To see if she can steal you from me?_

*can hear David's phone vibrate again and hast to mention it, after all*  
*grins slightly*  
You could have brought Matteo with you...

David:  
*laughs when she talks about the "chaos-group" and shrugs*  
A thousand ideas aren't bad... maybe they simply need someone to coordinate them...  
*listens to her and nods when he hears her plans*  
Apparently Rügen is really nice, but I guess it's quite expensive... I'm sure you'll find something cool! Do you want to sleep in a tent or find somewhere to stay?  
*hears his phone vibrate again, but this time doesn't immediately respond*  
*looks up at Leonie and also grins, but a little abashed*  
*shrugs*  
Maybe next time...  
*doesn't want to tell her that Matteo didn't want to come because he doesn't want her to think Matteo wouldn't like her or anything of that sort*  
*grabs his phone after all and looks at her apologetically*  
Sorry... I'll answer one last time and then I'll put it away, okay?  
*reads Matteo's message and sighs quietly while he responds*  
 _WhatsApp Matteo/David:_  
 _David:_  
 _Sounds to me like a tiny bit of jealousy? There is no reason for that, Mister Florenzi! I'm not getting stolen that easily... and now: shut up! The more we text, the longer this takes. Besides, it's a little rude if I'm constantly on my phone... I'm looking forward to later!_  
 _WhatsApp Matteo/David:_  
 _Matteo:_  
 _Then put your phone on silent! I won't let myself get bullied by you. If I want to text you, I'll text you. You don't have to read it. :P and no, I'm not jealous... well, maybe a little... but I'm jealous of everyone who spends time with you._  
 _*sends blushing heart smiley*_

Leonie:  
*nods about Rügen*  
Yes, Rügen is definitely too expensive... and to be honest we don't really know yet... Sara wouldn't mind camping, but I'm not too convinced, yet.  
*laughs about his answer concerning Matteo*  
*can imagine that Matteo probably declined with thanks*  
Hey, don't worry, just answer... you basically just got together, right? I understand.  
*waits for him to answer and then grins slightly*  
So I suppose I don't have to ask how it's going?

David:  
*laughs quietly when Leonie says that she's not too convinced about camping*  
Oh really?! Too much nature? Camping can be pretty nice... you can be independent... and it's cheap, to boot!  
*looks at her thankful when she says that he should answer Matteo*  
*is happy that she is so understanding and smiles slightly at her question*  
*quickly says*  
Yes, only ten days ago...  
*lost in thought slightly shakes his head because it actually seems like a little longer to him*  
*quickly answers Matteo and puts his phone back in his pocket*  
*notices that in the meantime their drinks have arrived*  
*hears her question and smiles again*  
*lowers his gaze abashedly and murmurs*  
I'm really happy...  
*looks back at Leonie and shrugs*  
*adds as explanation*  
...a few weeks ago I couldn't even imagine that it would end like this... we've been through a lot... but somehow we made it, after all.  
*feels the phone vibrate in his pocket and briefly feels bad that he doesn't immediately look at it*  
*plans to look at it as soon as Leonie disappears to the toilet – or at least to leave the phone in his pocket for 20 minutes or so*

Leonie:  
*laughs and slightly shakes her head*  
Nature is okay... but I do like to have a real bathroom and a room where I can stand upright to change.  
*smiles slightly*  
10 days... so really new.  
*hears that he is happy and is truly happy for him*  
*can't really imagine how Matteo of all people managed that but accepts that fact*  
*realizes that nothing of her infatuation toward David is left and that she only sees him as a friend now*  
Really happy sounds really awesome.  
*hears his addition and immediately nods*  
Yes, I can imagine. I mean I heard it all more from the other point of view, but I can imagine that this wasn't all that easy.  
*smiles at him honestly*  
But I'm happy for you. And I happen to know that Sara sees it the same by now. Did you know that Matteo went to her to apologize? I think that was really good for her.  
*thinks that maybe there's more to Matteo than the annoying best friend of her ex and the guy who hurt her best friend*

David:  
*grins about the holiday*  
Well, then, I'll keep my fingers crossed that you'll find something good!  
*nods when she says that happy sounds pretty good, takes his Latte and blows on it while he listens to her*  
*feels on the cup that it's still too hot and puts it down again*  
*asks, because he doesn't quite understand*  
You mean from Sara's point of view?  
*thinks for a moment that the real problems only really started after Matteo broke up with her and that nobody really heard about any of that*  
*but is happy that Leonie is happy for them and smiles*  
*lifts his eyebrows in amazement when she says that Matteo went to Sara and shakes his head*  
I didn't know that...  
*smiles again*  
But somehow it fits. I think in the end he wanted to do the right thing, after all. I can imagine that it was good for Sara, although I'm still sorry about how everything went down.

Leonie:  
*nods slightly at his question*  
Well, yes, Sara's side of things, the rumor-mill, the things you hear...  
*shrugs slightly*  
No details of course, but I can imagine that it wasn't easy.  
*is a little astonished, but also isn't, that David didn't know about the visit*  
Yes, it was a few weeks ago. I think Sara understood even before what was going on... or well, she at least had a few thoughts after Abdi's birthday and when he eventually broke up with her. But, you know, she's actually really one of the nicest people, so I think that she somehow understood him. It just sucked that it was at her expense.  
*grimaces slightly but then quickly adds*  
But hey, everything's all right. Like I said, the apology definitely helped, and she was never mad at you anyways, so you don't have to be sorry at all.

David:  
*listens to Leonie and briefly thinks about telling her what really happened but then she continues talking about Sara and so he remains quiet and listens to her while he finally carefully sips his coffee, which really does taste quite good*  
*nods when she says that it sucked that it was at Sara's expense*  
That's exactly what I meant when I said I was sorry. I like Sara and she deserves to be happy. I'm also pretty sure that Matteo really didn't want to play her. Of course it sucked how it all went between them, but he immediately ended things when he realized that something could lead somewhere between us. He definitely didn't want to hurt her more than necessary...  
*sighs quietly and shakes his head when he thinks about everything that happened between their first kiss and the consequent break up with Sara – it feels like all of that was a long time ago*  
*looks at Leonie and says determinedly*  
He doesn't do that! He doesn't hurt anyone as long as he can help it. Maybe that was also the reason why he didn't tell her sooner... that he's gay, I mean. Because he didn't want to hurt her.  
*shrugs slightly*  
*has to briefly think about the fact that they could have gotten together even back then if he hadn't screwed it up*

Leonie:  
*nods slowly when David explains again why he's sorry*  
*thinks that he could have ended things once he realized that he's into David, but rather doesn't say it*  
*feels her decision validated when David gets almost quick-tempered and defends Matteo*  
*despite that carefully says*  
Maybe he didn't want to out himself and Sara was convenient.  
*quickly adds*  
Which I understand. Really. I don't want to argue with you, but come on... All understanding for his situation aside, unfortunately it's a fact that he didn't treat her too well.  
*looks at David*  
This is why I really liked his apology, and so did Sara, of course. We understand that it was hard for him, but it's also good that he understood that this doesn't justify everything.  
*sighs and even smiles a little*  
And obviously he's not really like that... I mean, look at you, head over heels in love and if I say one more word against him, you'll probably challenge me to a duel.  
*takes a sip from her coffee and hums slightly because it's finally the right temperature to drink*

_WhatsApp Matteo/David:_   
_Matteo:_   
_You really don't read my messages! Did Leonie kidnap you?_   
_Matteo:_   
_If she kidnapped you to her place, I'll find you!_   
_Matteo:_   
_Leonie, in case you read this and kidnapped David, I'll come get him!_   
_Matteo:_   
_I miss you. It's pretty boring without you :( <3_

David:  
*wants to immediately interrupt Leonie to defend Matteo – and more than once – but pulls himself together and listens to her until she's finished*  
*realizes himself that this was the right decision and that in the beginning he probably would have reacted more quick-tempered*  
*grins at her last words and nods*  
Probably! And I'd probably win the duel...  
*takes another sip from his coffee and then leans slightly forward*  
Okay...  
*searches for words*  
Yes, you're right. Being scared of being outed doesn't justify hurting other people. And you're probably also right when you say that Sara was probably simply convenient...  
*takes a deep breath and rubs a hand over his eyes*  
but... we are all only human and we make mistakes...  
*quickly adds*  
And like I said, this is not meant to be an apology or a justification! But everyone has to decide for themself when to come out. What do you think how much I wish I could have done it back then! When Matteo broke up with Sara we basically could have gotten together! But I was scared...  
*briefly clears his throat because it's hard for him to talk about this, after all, but now he started it and wants to finish*  
I was scared to come out to him and tell him that I'm trans. So I pushed him away, told him that I wasn't into him and by doing so hurt him, as well!  
*looks at her questioningly*  
Do you understand? I hurt him, even though I was already in love with him even back then, but I was scared! Because it’s human to be scared and to make mistakes! And when I was finally brave enough to tell him, everything was interrupted by the outing at school and I snubbed and hurt him again!  
*briefly presses his lips together*  
This doesn't excuse either my nor Matteo's behavior, but things like that sometimes happen... right?  
*felt his phone vibrate in his pocket several times during his monologue but thinks it's pretty unfitting to pull it out right now*  
*adds, while Leonie probably thinks about his words*  
Matteo's not a bad person! He fought so hard for me and was there for me so much... and he didn't give up... and in the end he was so brave... okay, not with Sara, but when it comes to me, he was!  
*realizes that he highly praised Matteo, grimaces embarrassed but with a smile and says*  
Yes, okay, and now even the last person knows how in love with him I am...

Leonie:  
*listens to David*  
*wants to agree with him that we're all human and make mistakes*  
*has had her own experience with that and learned that people aren't only black and white*  
*nods more enthusiastically when David says that everyone has to decide for themself when to come out*  
*murmurs*  
Of course...  
*hears him get more personal, how it's more about him than Sara and Matteo*  
*is touched that he's so open with her and is also touched by what exactly he says*  
*doesn't recognize the Matteo she has in mind when she hears his words – the little stoner, who always only wanted to hang out with Jonas*  
*slightly nods at everything else he says*  
*laughs a little at his last words*  
Absolutely...  
*swallows and briefly thinks about what to say*  
Listen, I didn't want to imply in any way that people have to come out, especially not for anyone else. I'm sorry if that somehow came across wrong... I simply saw the situation as a best friend, you know?  
*takes a little break and pushes her mug around a little*  
It is totally human to make mistakes. Believe me, I know that. I... basically, I barely know Matteo, ok? And it was stupid of me to judge him so quickly...  
*smiles at him slightly*  
I think people make mistakes and I think people suffer from mistakes. That's just how it is. But what I actually wanted to tell you is basically exactly the same as what you just did so fervently. You learn from your mistakes or you learn because of them. And you admit them. Who knows if it was a mistake that you didn't come out to Matteo sooner. Who knows how everything would have turned out then?  
*sighs slightly*  
And hey, and it sounds like Matteo would have fought for you either way, no matter the circumstances, right?  
*smiles again*  
I think it’s really admirable. You've been together for 10 days and you sound as if you found your soulmate. I think at the end of the day that can be considered a success, right?

David:  
*listens to her and nods to the outing-thing*  
*realizes that he is really relieved that Leonie is of the same opinion as he is, after all, but can also understand that in this moment her best friend was more important to her*  
*smiles when she says that it was stupid to judge Matteo so quickly and nods again*  
*listens to her when she talks about mistakes and thinks about her words*  
*hums an agreement and murmurs*  
True…  
*even if he had come out to Matteo at the start, there wouldn’t have been a guarantee that it would’ve worked between them*  
*laughs quietly when she says that Matteo would’ve fought for her either way and shrugs*  
No idea… he probably would have…  
*he had fought for him all the time, after all*  
*pulls his mug toward him when she talks about soulmates*  
*actually thinks it’s really cheesy to think like that and hasn’t really thought about it in relation to Matteo*  
*thinks that the most important thing is that they are finally together and happy and that they can barely be apart and know that they are important to each other and that they can trust each other*  
*still nods at Leonie’s words*  
Yes, that’s definitely a success!  
*takes a sip from his coffee, smiles and leans back again*  
*sighs quietly and says with a smile*  
Thanks for understanding!

Leonie:  
*laughs when he thanks her*  
No worries… otherwise you probably would have pulled me over the table…  
*takes a sip and grins at him*  
I’ll set a reminder that I’ll never speak ill about Matteo when you’re in hearing-distance…  
*is only partly serious about that*  
*hears her phone and looks at him apologetically  
Sorry…  
*but quickly glances at it*  
That’s Sara… she wants to know what I’m doing and if I’m free…  
*looks at David*  
Would it be very weird if she also came?

David:  
*laughs at Leonie’s words and nods*  
You better!  
*nods when she reaches for her phone and apologizes*  
*murmurs*  
No worries…  
*nods at her explanation and shakes his head at her question*  
Nonsense, no problem! Text her that I’m looking forward to seeing her!  
*also takes his phone out of his pocket and explains*  
I’m just gonna answer as well…  
*opens Matteo’s messages and skeptically lifts one eyebrow at the first one but has to smile at the other one*  
*writes back*  
 _WhatsApp Matteo/David:_  
 _David:_  
 _I wasn’t bullying you! You can /always/ text me! <3_  
 _Leonie didn’t kidnap me. But maybe Sara will in a minute? She’s on her way to the café… Don’t you wanna come, after all? I miss you, too! And besides, then you wouldn’t have any reason to be jealous anymore because you’d spend the same time with me._  
*looks up and sees that Leonie has finished her response*  
*smiles slightly*  
So, all this time we were only talking about Matteo and me, and not about you. Any news?

Leonie:  
*is happy that David doesn’t mind and quickly answers Sara to tell her where they are and that she should come*  
*slightly shrugs at his question*  
News? No, I haven’t crossed paths with the love of my life yet and other than that I’m enjoying summer.  
*sighs slightly*  
It’s also strange somehow to not have to go back to school in 6 weeks…

_WhatsApp Matteo/David:_   
_Matteo:_   
_You are kidding, right? Sara is there, as well? Sure, then I’ll gladly join, sounds like an absolutely chill afternoon for me… :P_

David:  
*grins slightly when she mentions the love of her live*  
You’ll find it!  
*leans back again and stretches his legs*  
Yes, I’m also looking forward to summer! But I won’t really miss school much…  
*has had too many bad experiences with schools in general to miss it*  
*notices his phone flashing up on the table and notices that Leonie also saw it and grins*  
*murmurs*  
I shouldn’t have started again… sorry…  
*grabs his phone and quickly answers*  
 _WhatsApp Matteo/David:_  
 _David:_  
 _If you were able to dance with her arm in arm at the Abi-party you might just be able to have some coffee with her… just maybe… or you just continue being bored at home. :-P Anyways, we’re here if you want to come, after all!_  
*puts his phone back in his pocket and reaches for his coffee*  
*looks back at Leonie*  
What do you want to do after the summer, anyways?  
*takes a sip*

Leonie:  
*laughs when he says that he shouldn’t have started again*  
Nonsense… but maybe he should really simply come over? I bet it’ll be… nice?  
*grins slightly*  
Oh, I want to study event management… preferably in Berlin, but I’ll see where I’ll get accepted.  
*drinks the last bit of her coffee*  
And what about you?

_WhatsApp Matteo/David:_   
_Matteo:_   
_Ooh, do I hear a tiny bit of jealousy? Then maybe I’ll come after all, and see for myself…_

David:  
*shrugs when Leonie says that Matteo should just come over and briefly presses his lips together*  
I don’t know… I just texted him where we are… but I don’t think that he’ll come…  
*repeats*  
Maybe next time…  
*really believes that Matteo is quite stubborn and won’t spontaneously join them*  
*looks at Leonie astonished when she talks about her plans*  
Oh, that sounds nice! Really cool! I’ll keep my fingers crossed for Berlin!  
*grins*  
I’d like to stay in Berlin, as well. Because of Matteo and because I’m just starting to settle here. I’d really like to study filmmaking, - but it has admission restrictions and pre-tests and such… so it’s hard to get in…  
*shrugs*  
But maybe it’ll work out anyway…  
*feels his phone vibrate but ignores it now, because he doesn’t want to argue with Matteo right now if he doesn’t even want to come in the first place*

Leonie:  
*grins slightly at David’s response*  
He’s embarrassed, right? I’d say he’s a little coward but I’ve learned not to insult him…  
*laughs slightly*  
*looks at her phone again and says*  
Sara will be there in 10 minutes.  
*listens to him and his plans*  
Oh, but that sounds cool. If you need help, I have a cousin who currently studies filmmaking in Potsdam, he could probably give you some tips for your application and such?

Matteo:  
*sees that David hasn’t read his last message anymore*  
*is even more tempted now to simply go to the café*  
*but briefly imagines sitting there with Leonie and Sara and doesn’t know in the slightest what he would talk about with them*  
*therefore decides to stay on the sofa*  
*hears the front door and what feels like a hundred voices*  
*two seconds later notices Hans and about 5 people coming in and hears him say “Oh heyyyy, you’re home. So sorry, but would it be all right if we take up the living room? My room isn’t big enough.”*  
*shakes his head and turns off the TV*  
No… I was just about to leave, anyways…  
*sees to it that he leaves the apartment as quickly as possible and seemingly has no choice but to make his way to the café, after all*

David:  
*grins slightly at Leonie’s words*  
Yes, see what a quick learner you are! Good that you didn’t say anything, otherwise I’d have to pull you over the table…  
*laughs briefly but then gets serious again and shrugs*  
I guess he’s embarrassed … it’s understandable, right? But he’ll get there…  
*to some extend really understands why Matteo doesn’t want to*  
*nods at her Sara-information and empties his cup with the Latte*  
*would like another one and starts looking for the waitress*  
*looks interested when Leonie mentions her cousin and says excitedly*  
This would be really awesome! But only if he has time and wants to, of course. How far along is he?

Leonie:  
*laughs*  
Yes, I’m a quick learner.  
*tilts her head slightly but then nods*  
Yes, it is understandable… but you can tell him that we don’t bite…  
*thinks for a moment at his question*  
I think he started last year, or the year before that?  
*shrugs*  
But I’ll text him later and if it’s okay for you I could give him your number? His name is Olli, by the way…  
*notices the waitress approaching and waves her over*  
*orders another Latte and looks at David:  
You, too?

David:  
*grins slightly and nods*  
I’ll tell him.  
*nods again when she talks about her cousin*  
Yes, gladly. I’d love it if he got in touch. At the moment I’m a bit at a loss about the requirements…  
*is thankful that Leonie waves the waitress over and nods again at her question*  
Yes, for me as well!  
*hears Sara’s voice: “One for me, too”!*  
*looks up and sees her grin and hug Leonie: “Hey, cool that I could join”!*  
*stands up when she turns around to also give him a hug and hugs her back*  
Hey…  
*watches as she sits down next to Leonie and how she looks at them: “So? What did I miss”?*

Leonie:  
*nods*  
Sure, I’m sure he’d love to help you, he’s really nice.  
*looks up when she hears Sara’s voice and is really happy to see her*  
*hugs her and is happy that she also gives David a hug*  
*at her question exchanges a quick look with David and grins*  
David almost challenged me to a duel, but other than that not much…  
*laughs slightly*  
No, nonsense, we’re just talking… and what about you? Everything all right?

Matteo:  
*went two stops by bus and is walking around a little aimlessly because he isn’t sure where the café is*  
*enters it into google maps and sees that he still has to walk five minutes*  
*groans quietly and then follows the instructions*

David:  
*also grins a little when Leonie mentions the duel and notices Sara looking confusedly at both of them and eventually answers: “O-kay…”!*  
*then sees her smile and listens to her “Yes, so far, so good. We finally have a new kitchen”!*  
*notices how she looks at him and hears her explanation: “We moved into a new apartment a month ago and couldn’t take the old kitchen with us! I’m telling you: An entire month without a kitchen is a horror! I’m so done with fast food”!*  
*hears her laugh and grins as well*  
I can imagine! Even though I rarely cook, I do enjoy homemade food from others!  
*hears Sara laugh: “Exactly! I feel the same! Usually my mother cooks – I was pretty spoiled with that”!*  
*notices Sara lean back and how she’s looking between him and Leonie again: “And what was the thing about the duel”!?*  
*lowers his gaze, grins slightly, but shakes his head*  
*doesn’t know if it’s okay to mention Matteo in Sara’s presence and therefore rather doesn’t say anything*  
*hears Leonie instead: “I dared say something against Matteo…”*  
*sees how Sara looks at him with a grin: “And so you defended him”?!*  
*must look pretty confused because he is so surprised that she grins and that she doesn’t really seem to have a problem with talking about Matteo*  
*only stutters*  
Umm… yes… pretty much…  
*feels how she kicks him under the table and hears her say: “Hey, everything okay! I’m over it. We can talk about Matteo like normal people”!*  
*hears Leonie talking again: “Well, I wouldn’t call it normal – David really is deeply in love – it was a constant rave…”*  
*tilts her head and looks at Leonie sulkily*  
Ha-ha…  
*looks at Sara to be sure but sees that she’s still grinning and says*  
I’m glad… it’s cool! And I’m happy that you’re over it!  
*smiles slightly*

Sara/Leonie:  
*Sara grins at him*  
I’m really totally over it… and I’m honestly happy that you two made it.  
*Leonie grins and says. “You see”!*  
*Sara laughs again*  
It’s definitely a story I can tell my grandchildren one day…

Matteo:  
*has finally found the spot where the café is supposed to be*  
*looks around and sees tables and chairs in front of several buildings*  
*then notices David at a table and realizes how he automatically has to smile*  
*then sees that Leonie and Sara are really sitting at the table with him and sees all three of them laugh*  
*considers for the hundredth time to just turn around and leave*  
*then pulls himself together and slowly walks toward the tables*

David:  
*hears that Sara is happy for Matteo and him, is happy about that himself, and smiles at her*  
Thanks!  
*thinks that there was no need for Matteo to be worried and that the two girls are pretty great*  
*also laughs when Sara says that she’ll tell the story to her grandchildren one day and then notices how Leonie suddenly tilts her head and how she starts to grin: “Oh, look… speak of the devil…”*  
*turns his head around and follows her gaze*  
*notices Matteo and feels his heart do a little jump and how he automatically starts to smile once their eyes meet*  
*only vaguely hears Leonie tell Sara: “You see what I mean!? Look at their gazes – you really can’t be more in love than that”!*  
*can hear Sara and Leonie giggle but doesn’t care right now*  
*is so happy that Matteo decided to come, after all, and gets up to hug him once he is close enough to their table*  
*quietly murmurs into his neck*  
Hey… great that you’re here. I’m really glad…  
*presses a quick kiss to his cheek and then lets go of him so that he can greet the others*l

Matteo:  
*is pretty sure that Leonie was the first one to notice him*  
*quickly looks at David and is happy that he’s the first one to greet him*  
*hugs him firmly and grins at his words*  
*murmurs back very quietly*  
I missed you.  
*then turns around to also greet Leonie and Sara*  
Hey, na?  
*grins a little and then hugs first Leonie and then Sara a little awkwardly over the table*  
*sits down and notices the others follow his lead*  
*nudges his leg against David’s under the table*  
So? What did I miss?

David:  
*smiles when Matteo says that he missed him*  
*sits back down while Matteo greets the girls and can feel Matteo’s leg against his when he sits down as well*  
*returns the nudge and smiles to himself*  
*hears Sara respond to Matteo’s question: “I tried to find that out, as well… so far without much success…”*  
*exchanges a quick glance with Leonie and then says*  
Nothing really interesting… plans for the future, plans for the summer and stuff like that…  
*doesn’t really want Matteo to know that they were talking about him all this time or that he had to defend him to Leonie, because he wants Matteo to feel at ease and welcomed and doesn’t want him to regret joining them because now everything really seems to be okay*  
*tells him*  
Leonie has a cousin who also studies filmmaking. She says that he might be able to give me some advice.  
*hears Sara’s question: “Oh, Olli”? and sees how Leonie nods and Sara continues: “He’s really nice! I’m sure he’ll do that”!*  
*sees the waitress bring their drinks and hears her ask Matteo if he also wants anything*  
*looks at him and says with a smile*  
The Latte is really good…

Matteo:  
*grins a little at Sara’s words and looks at her*  
Which means that they were probably talking about us.  
*hears David’s answer and nods*  
Ah, okay… cool.  
*hears that the ominous Olli can help and is honestly happy about that*  
Ah, that’s awesome, I’m sure it will be of help if you know a few tricks.  
*looks at the waitress and was just about to order a simple coffee when he hears David*  
Well, then I’ll take that.  
*notices Leonie’s grin and looks at her*  
*lifts one eyebrow in question*  
*sees Leonie’s grin: “Looking good, Matteo, it suits you”.*  
*has no idea what she’s talking about but laughs it off*  
Thanks… but I’m already taken…  
*hears Leonie laugh: “I wouldn’t take you if you were a gift horse… oh no, hang on, I take that back”*  
*sees how she grins at David and how she lifts her hands as in defeat*  
O-kay…

David:  
*grins slightly in Matteo’s direction when he hears his comment and considers maybe telling him a little bit about his conversation with Leonie later, after all*  
*doesn’t completely understand Leonie’s compliment towards Matteo either, but grins at Matteo’s response and possessively grabs his hand and agrees with him*  
Exactly! He’s mine!  
*pfffs at Leonie’s answer and looks at her deprecatingly*  
*then hears Sara how she turns to Matteo with a smirk and slightly conspiratorially: “Well, that much I managed to figure out earlier: Should Leonie say anything against you, David will duel her”!*  
*laughs at Sara’s words and then looks back at Leonie punishingly and challengingly*  
Exactly! And that’s why she won’t say anything against Matteo!  
*notices Leonie hold up her hands again and hears her say with a grin: “I wouldn’t dare!” and how she then turns towards Matteo a little more serious and says: “Don’t worry, everything’s alright! I defended my best friend, your boyfriend defended you, but my best friend already changed allegiances a few weeks ago, and at some point fighting on your own isn’t fun anymore…”*  
*nods satisfied and squeezes Matteo’s hand*  
*looks at him with a smile but also searchingly to make sure that he really is okay or whether the girls are too much for him*

Matteo:  
*smiles to himself satisfied when David grabs his hand*  
*only nods in confirmation*  
*hears Sara whisper at him conspiratorially and grins*  
Ahhh… I see…  
*looks at David and grins*  
And how exactly are you going to do that? With a saber or a sword?  
*laughs a little and squeezes David’s hand*  
Are you my noble knight now?  
*looks at Leonie when she gets more serious*  
*can imagine now that they really did talk about him and Sara*  
*nods slightly and briefly smiles at Sara as thanks*  
*looks back at Leonie*  
Says a lot about you… best friends should be defended…  
*looks from Leonie to Sara*  
But everything’s all right now, right?

David:  
*tilts his head slightly and looks at Matteo with raised eyebrows and a grin*  
*laughs quietly and says*  
With an épée, of course! If I do this, then in style!  
*kicks Matteo slightly under the table when he asks if he is his noble knight and pffs with a grin*  
It seems to me as if you didn’t take this serious!  
*laughs quietly*  
*also hears Leonie’s words and watches Matteo*  
*is relieved that it seems to be okay for him that they were talking about him and notices Sara and Leonie nodding at Matteo’s question and Sara confirming: “Everything all right”!*  
*smiles at everyone and lifts his mug*  
Well then that’s all right!  
*notices Sara and Leonie lift their mugs as well and they toast with a grin before he lifts his mug in Matteo’s direction*  
*is pretty happy, once again, and is glad that Matteo came, after all*  
*hears Leonie: “Okay. Next topic! Back to normality! How did your exams go? Especially David: What was Neuhaus like at your re-exam”?*  
*grins slightly*  
Let’s put it this way: Extremely careful! Not like a general or anything… he stubbornly worked through his list of things I had to do and barely spoke a word to me. He was probably afraid of having to go to the principal again…  
*laughs, leans back and presses his leg against Matteo’s again*  
Anyways, I’m glad that I finally have that over with.  
*hears Sara laughing: “He was scared, for sure… General my ass…”*  
*sees how Leonie turns to Matteo: “And how did it go for you”?*

Matteo:  
*laughs and hits his palm against his forehead*  
Épée, of course! How stupid of me!  
*smiles tenderly at David’s complaint*  
I take this very seriously. Thank you for defending me.  
*nods when everyone toasts and joins in*  
*grumbles a little when they change the subject to Neuhaus but doesn’t say anything*  
*shrugs one shoulder at Leonie’s question and makes a so-so movement with his hand*  
It went all right… Bio was okay but Spanish and History weren’t that great… we’ll see…  
*sees Leonie nod and hears her say: “I’m sure it went okay, you’re not stupid”.*  
*gapes at her and grins broadly*  
What’s in that coffee, Leonie? That was the second compliment within five minutes.

David:  
*smiles when Leonie says that Matteo isn’t stupid and grins at Matteo’s response*  
Maybe she’s thinking about the duel…  
*hears Leonie laugh and sees her shake her head: “No, but it’s true! You’ve never really been bad at school, have you? At least not in Mittelstufe _[grades 7-10 in Berlin]_ and like 1,5 years ago…”.*  
*remembers that the three of them have known each other for a while – somehow didn’t think of that – and asks*  
Oh, so you’ve been in the same class before?  
*sees Sara nod: “Yes, since fifth grade. It really was funny back then… strange that you somehow lose touch in Oberstufe _[grades 11-12]_ … it’s probably because of the course system or something like that…”.*  
*sees Leonie nod: “Yes, but we weren’t really friends… there were a lot of groups even back then… Matteo was always hanging out with Jonas and the boys… and us girls hung out together. But if we had to we all stuck together”!*  
*notices her grin, nods and takes a sip from his coffee*  
*asks while still grinning*  
And what was Matteo like back then?  
*lovingly looks at Matteo from the side*

Matteo:  
*shrugs at Leonie’s comment*  
Yeah, but I’m lazy…  
*doesn’t mention that he has other things on his mind but briefly peeks over to David*  
*nods and grins slightly*  
Yes, sometimes Berlin is a village if you only ever went to the same schools…  
*laughs slightly at Leonie’s description*  
You said that really well… and gallantly talked around all the crap that happened…  
*sees Leonie grin and nod: “Well, that’s all in the past… speaking of, are Jonas and Hanna back together”?*  
*shakes his head as a response*  
*definitely won’t say more to that now*  
*indignantly looks at David at his question*  
You really don’t want to know!  
*hears both Sara and Leonie laugh and Sara say: “He was a bit of a class clown… but one with dry humor, not the silly kind”.*  
*Leonie laughs: “Oh yes, do you remember, the religion teacher in sixth grade? Or was it seventh? He was a bit of a missionary and always said that God wants our best and stuff like that and Matteo said: ‘And he sent you to tell us that? There must be something wrong’! The entire class was rolling on the floor with laughter”!*  
*Matteo laughs and shakes his head*  
You still remember that? But yes, that was Mr. Johanni, he really had a screw loose!

David:  
*knows that Matteo isn’t only lazy but that he was distracted by other things during his Abi exams and that he probably couldn’t really concentrate on studying because of that and that he isn’t completely innocent in that matter*  
*searches for Matteo’s hand again and entangles their fingers*  
*looks questioningly at the others when Matteo mentions some crap that happened and asks*  
What crap?  
*sees how Leonie grimaces and wave it off, but instead Sara explains: “Leonie was Jonas’ girlfriend before he got together with Hanna, and Hanna and Leonie were really good friends… Jonas broke up with Leonie because of Hanna. Was a lot of drama”.*  
*pulls up his eyebrows but then nods when Leonie says that it’s all in the past*  
*grins again when Matteo says that he doesn’t want to know what he was like back then and nods*  
Oh, but I’d love to know!  
*then listens to Leonie and Sara and laughs a lot over the religion-story*  
*says to Matteo*  
Yes, that sounds like you…  
*sees Leonie shrug and hears her say: “Well you simply remember funny stories”!*  
*hears Sara laugh: “Yes and in ninth grade we had Ms. Börnig in History – she could never remember any names and always mixed everyone up and when she had to grade us for our report sheets we were all wondering how she would do that if she always mixes us up. And I think she graded Jonas with a 2 and Matteo with 3 and both of them stubbornly insisted they are Jonas Augustin and the other Matteo Florenzi, and in the end Ms. Börnig was so confused that she simply graded both of them with 2”!*  
*laughs again and wishes for a moment that he would have gone to school with them even back then*  
*but thinks that it still wouldn’t have been the same because back then he was simply too preoccupied with himself and his transition and can’t really tell if the people from his new school would have treated him differently than the people at his old school*  
*quickly banishes those thoughts and reaches for his coffee*

Matteo:  
*laughs slightly when David takes his hand again and strokes his thumb over the back of his hand*  
*nods at Sara’s explanation*  
Yes, all of that wasn’t really that great…  
*also nods at Leonie’s comment that it’s all in the past*  
*laughs loudly at Sara’s story*  
Oh, yes, Ms. Börnig… at some point she went into constant sick-note-mode… allegedly because of burn-out… she was simply completely out of her depth… I’d say watch out when choosing your career.  
*hears Leonie laugh and say: “And oh God, do you remember Mr. Grunel? He always looked at our necklines even back in eighth grade, this was really disgusting… and didn’t you ask him once if he was hoping to find a treasure in there”?*  
*laughs and nods*  
Oh God, yes… but come on, the guy was really creepy… I think he even had a thing with a student once…  
*looks over at David and realizes that he has gotten more quiet*  
*thinks that funny stories from their time in school might not really be his favorite topic*  
*tries to change the subject*  
Hey, Sara, have you already heard anything from the theaters? You applied for internships, didn’t you?

David:  
*grins slightly at the story of Mr. Grunel and says:  
I think teachers like that exist in every school…  
*meets Matteo’s gaze and smiles slightly*  
*is glad that he then changes the subject*  
*enjoys hearing old stories but can’t really contribute much to it because he never experienced anything like that himself*  
*hears Sara sigh and sees her shake her head: “Not yet... but at least I got a response from two theaters that they received my application and that they will get in touch soon”.*  
*hears Leonie: “Oh, I’m sure you’ll get something! They’re glad about every intern who makes them coffee! And you only sent out the applications a few days ago”.*  
*sees Sara nod and asks*  
Do you want to study acting? Or just check it out?  
*sees Sara smile: “It would be really nice to study acting… but it is really difficult to get in if you don’t happen to have parents that can pay for a private school”.*  
*nods*  
*knows that because of his filmmaking plans*  
*hears Sara continue: “But at the moment I don’t really know what else I could do and to make my parents shut up and so that I’ll at least do something I applied for some internships”.*  
*smiles slightly*  
Sounds good – I keep my fingers crossed!  
*takes another sip of coffee*

Matteo:  
*nods at everything*  
Sure, you’ll get there. Once you’ve got a foot in the door, I’m sure it’ll turn out ok!  
*takes a sip from his coffee and hears Leonie ask the dreaded question: “And what about you? Also going to study”?*  
*shrugs*  
No idea… probably going to do casual jobs or something like that… until I wondrously know what I want to do with my life.  
*hears Sara laugh: “Oh, so theatrical”!*  
*laughs slightly*  
Yes, my life is a theater play.

David:  
*lightly strokes his thumb over the back of Mateo’s hand when he also gets asked the question about the future*  
*grins when he says that his life is a theater play and thinks that the last few weeks really were quite dramatic and could probably really turned into a theater play*  
*changes the topic so that Sara and Leonie won’t annoy Matteo with it any further and says*  
Well, now let’s first enjoy the summer! Without any obligations and such…  
*hears Leonie sigh: “Exactly! Hopefully, the weather will play along, and we can spend our days at the lake again. It was always funny who you ran into there because everyone had the same idea”!*  
*smiles*  
*also likes going to the lake even though he hasn’t really been in the water or swimming for years, but also likes it to simply sit at the shore and to feel as if on vacation*  
Do you even have any lakes close by? I only know the Wannsee but it’s quite some distance away from here, right?  
*sees Sara nod: “Yes, and often it’s super packed there. But there are also a few smaller lakes with beaches but are also overrun with people. Most lakes really are a little on the outskirts, but you can easily reach them by tram. And it’s worth it if you spend the entire day or evening there anyways! The Tegeler Lake is quite nice – that’s where the people from school mostly go”.*  
*notices Leonie look at Matteo with a grin: “Well then, now you’ve got a task for this summer! You have to show David the Berlin lake-scenery”!*

Matteo:  
*is thankful when David changes the subject and squeezes his hand a little*  
*was about to say that they always hang out at the Tegeler Lake when Sara already says it*  
Yes, usually Tegeler See… we always have to talk Carlos into it because he is convinced that the gnats are after him… but then it’s actually quite nice…  
*grins back at Leonie*  
Well, that is some homework… do you expect a detailed report at the end?  
*sees Leonie grin: “Yes, including pictures as evidence”!*  
*laughs and nods*  
Will do.  
*then hesitates but says*  
Maybe we could go to one of the lakes together…  
*looks at Sara*  
Didn’t you want to go to that lake in Grunewald, what was it called?  
*sees Sara nod: “Dianasee, yes… sure, we could go there”!*

David:  
*grins when Matteo and Leonie talk about a report and adds*  
You’ll get it! Including pictures as evidence and evaluation of the lake from me!  
*looks surprised when Matteo suggests that they could go to the lake together and can once again feel this happiness in his gut*  
*is happy that Matteo changed his mind and joined them and that he seems to feel comfortable enough to even suggest to go to the lake together with Sara and Leonie*  
*notices how he talks to Sara and realizes in that moment that his jealousy of Sara and his fear that Matteo might feel something for her after all, have disappeared*  
*smiles and suddenly puts his arm around Matteo’s shoulders, pulls his head towards him, and presses a kiss to his cheek because he is so thankful in that moment that everything is so uncomplicated*  
*in the meantime he hears Leonie answer: “Sounds great! There’s supposed to be good weather this weekend – I mean the water is probably still freezing, but we could check out the lake…”?*  
*detaches a little from Matteo and shrugs with a smile*  
Fine with me!

Matteo:  
*looks a little surprised when David pulls him closer*  
*briefly thinks that he did that because he talked to Sara like that*  
*looks at him after he kisses him on the cheek, but doesn’t see anything on his face*  
*smiles a little and would love to put his head on his shoulder*  
*but is prevented from that by two armrests*  
*leans back again but continues to hold his hand*  
*hears Leonie and nods*  
*remembers that David probably doesn’t want to swim anyways*  
Yes, we don’t have to swim anyways… just to chill… so maybe Saturday afternoon?

David:  
*entangles his fingers with Matteo’s when he grabs his hand again*  
*nods to the suggestion of meeting Saturday afternoon and smiles*  
*hears Sara say: “At 3 in front of the school and from there we’ll go there together”?*  
*exchanges a quick glance with Matteo and then nods*  
Sure, cool!  
*hears Leonie laugh: “Oh man, who would have thought a few weeks ago… the four of us here together and on Saturday together at the lake…”*  
*grins and shrugs*  
I think it’s good!  
*sees Leonie grin: “Me too”! and hears Sara say: “Sometimes you simply have to put things in the past… makes life a lot more uncomplicated”!*  
*briefly looks at Matteo and smiles*  
*is really happy that the four of them spending time together really seems possible because he has always valued Leonie as a friend and would have regretted if it had somehow gotten complicated*  
*notices Leonie check the time and sees her grimace: “Damn! I have to go! I promised my mother that I would help my brother with Math – he has a test on Wednesday”!*  
*also hears Sara: “I’ll come with you. My mother will go crazy if I don’t help her organize the kitchen”!*  
*sees Leonie wave for the waitress to pay*

Matteo:  
*nods at Sara’s suggestion about the meeting spot*  
*laughs slightly at Leonie’s words and looks at Sara*  
*nods slightly*  
I agree!  
*notices Sara looking at him and says: “Sometimes, you simply are part of something, exactly the way you are!”*  
*immediately knows that this is a reference to his explanation-attempt and smiles and quietly says:  
Thanks!  
*sits up straight when suddenly everyone is ready to leave and wants to take out his wallet*  
Shit, I forgot my money…  
*looks at David and puts on his sweetest smile*  
Umm… Daviiid…

David:  
*hears Sara’s words and has to smile*  
*sees Sara look at Matteo when she says it, but somehow also feels addressed and thinks that not only Matteo but also Matteo’s friends as well as Leonie and Sara gave him this exact feeling over the past couple of days and that it might even be this feeling that makes him so happy*  
*notices that Matteo forgot his money and has to laugh quietly when he sees his look*  
*waves it off*  
Don’t worry… you’re invited.  
*looks him in the eyes, smiles and adds a little quieter*  
As a thank you that you came, after all.  
*waits for Leonie and Sara to pay and then also pays for himself and Matteo*  
*briefly gets up to say goodbye to the girls and hugs them*  
*gets quietly told by Leonie: “You’re right, he’s not that bad… you don’t have to take out your épée…”*  
*only grins and says*  
We’ll see you on Saturday!  
*waits for Matteo to also say goodbye to them and then sits down again to finish his coffee*  
*only looks at him with a smile but doesn’t say anything yet*

Matteo:  
*grins, this time for real and not a fake one when David says that he’s invited*  
Thanks!  
*tilts his head and presses a quick kiss to his mouth*  
No problem!  
*also gets up to say goodbye to the girls*  
See you on Saturday!  
*also has to finish his coffee and sits down again*  
*is happy that they don’t immediately leave and take their time instead*  
*slightly nudges David with his shoulder*  
That went pretty well…

David:  
*laughs quietly when Matteo says that it went pretty well and nods fake-serious*  
Yes, weirdly enough neither of us was kidnapped or abducted and they didn’t consume us with their necklines… We’re both still alive and weren’t seduced against our will! But I can still understand that you preferred a boring afternoon on the couch over my company…  
*grins and also nudges Matteo slightly with his shoulder*

Matteo:  
*rolls his eyes and slightly nudges him back against his shoulder*  
Yeah, yeah, just you make fun of me…  
*exaggeratedly slowly takes a sip from his coffee*  
Anyways, I’m only here because Hans invaded our place with his crew… so don’t get too full of yourself…  
*but grins at him broadly and shrugs one shoulder*

David:  
*grins as well and nods exaggeratedly when Matteo mentions Hans*  
Of course! It has nothing to do with jealousy or fear, whatsoever…  
*laughs quietly and then reaches for his coffee to take a sip*

Matteo:  
*laughs tunelessly and shakes his head*  
Of course not. What should I be afraid of?  
*leans forward in his chair because he moved it so that he is sitting in across from David, but without the table between them, and then pulls David forward by his shirt*  
*quietly says*  
You promised not to run away from me again…  
*gives him a quick kiss and leans back again*

David:  
*was just about to list the things Matteo might be afraid of when Matteo pulls him toward him by his shirt*  
*gets more serious when he hears his words because Matteo somewhat implies that it is the only thing he would be afraid of, but then smiles slightly after Matteo kisses him and sat back again*  
*nods and quietly says*  
Right… there is no reason to be afraid!  
*looks at him full of love, sighs quietly and says a little more serious*  
But I really think it’s cool that you came! Whatever the reason.  
*thinks that it was not easy for him to meet Leonie and Sara and that he had a reason why he didn’t want to come at first*

Matteo:  
*nods and grins*  
Exactly…  
*tilts his head slightly*  
*is honest*  
Well, somehow I really thought they’d still be mad… at least Leonie… she can be very resentful…  
*shrugs*  
But luckily that wasn’t the case. Even if it was probably more for your sake.  
*grins slightly*  
David:  
*thinks about his words and then shrugs*  
Sara seems to really be over it and if there isn’t any more reason for Sara to be mad at you, why would Leonie be? I don’t think that she only says that for my sake… why would she care what I think….  
*laughs quietly*  
And I guess it’s obvious that the duel-thing was only a joke…  
*shrugs again*  
Maybe she simply realized that everyone makes mistakes – some people maybe even bigger mistakes than you… and that you’re actually pretty cool.

Matteo:  
*nods slightly and then also shrugs one shoulder*  
Oh, Sara actually isn’t that bad… I think she only had to realize that it really had nothing to do with her…  
*shakes his head*  
And Leonie thinks a lot of you, that’s pretty obvious, she does care…  
*looks at him slightly amused but also lovingly*  
Maybe… maybe you simply were very convincing…

David:  
*nods at the Sara-topic and murmurs*  
Yes, probably…  
*gnaws on his bottom lip for a moment and then adds:  
I’m glad that she’s over it… at least that’s what she says and what it seemed like today…  
*has to think about his jealous thoughts from the Abi-prank party but decides to not tell Matteo anything about it for now, because somehow that worked itself out today*  
*therefore only says*  
That’s easier for everyone…  
*grinningly shrugs when he says that Leonie cares what he thinks and sighs quietly*  
If you say so…  
*returns his gaze just as amused and lovingly and briefly lifts one eyebrow*  
Maybe…  
*laughs quietly and says*  
Maybe I’m simply right with what I said!

Matteo:  
*slightly pulls up his eyebrow when David looks as if there was more*  
Hm?  
*laughs and shakes his head*  
If you say so.  
*finishes his coffee and looks back at him*  
And now? To your place? I think I’ve earned at least two lazy hours in bed… I left the house, after all…

David:  
*only shakes his head slightly at Matteo’s ‘hm?’ and quietly says*  
Doesn’t matter…  
*nods fake-seriously at his next words*  
I don’t only say so, I even know!  
*grins and notices Matteo empty his cup*  
*does the same and nods*  
Yes, to my place!  
*quickly checks the time and grins*  
If we can convince Laura to cook for us, you can even spend the entire rest of the evening lazing in bed for all I care…  
*laughs and then jokingly says*  
You’ve really earned that!  
*gets up*

Matteo:  
*nods exaggeratedly*  
I think so, too!  
*gets up and grabs David’s hand*  
*pulls his phone out of his pocket with his other hand*  
I’ll text Laura, maybe she’ll cook if we offer to get groceries on our way… 


	22. 21.05.2019 - Sexy

**Tuesday, 12:13 pm:**

Matteo:  
*had spent the night at David’s place and had put a parcel under his blanket before he left*  
*on the parcel it says “for binderless times”*  
*in the parcel there are two presents, on one of them it says “for binderless sleep” and on the other it says “for binderless sex”  
*when he opens it, the following sleep-shirts are inside:*

1)

  
2)

  


David:  
*has said goodbye to Matteo and made plans to meet him later and then went to go shower*  
*comes back into his room after he showered and is clearing his old clothes from the bed to put them into the hamper*  
*then starts tidying up a little and the last thing he does is straighten his blanket*  
*notices that something seems to be underneath it and at first thinks that he has missed some dirty clothes that also belong into the laundry*  
*but then finds a parcel under the blanket and automatically has to smile when he sees the note on it*  
*unwraps the parcel and the two presents inside it and finds the shirts*  
*has to laugh quietly and is incredibly happy that Matteo keeps surprising him like that again and again*  
*simply puts on the first shirt, lies down on the bed and takes a selfie*  
*sends it to Matteo via WhatsApp and writes underneath it*

> _WhatsApp Matteo/David:_   
>  _David:_   
>  _I’ll go back to bed, then…_   
>  _(You loon! Thank you! (No, I won’t tell you that you are the best again, because 1 you know that anyways and 2 it would get to your head someday (but if were able to read thoughts you could read there that you are the best (but thank God you can’t))))_   
>  _PS: Why don’t we inaugurate the other shirt tonight?_


	23. May 22, 2019 - Some kind of potion

**Wednesday, 5:23 pm:**

Laura:  
*is standing in the kitchen with quiet music in the background and is just about to make herself some hot chocolate when the front door opens and Matteo and David come in*  
*has to smile to herself a little because she rarely sees David alone anymore - if he is at their place Matteo is usually with him, otherwise he spends most of his time with Matteo at the flatshare*  
*is happy for her brother that it worked out with Matteo, after all, and that he can be himself with Matteo*  
*calls out into the hallway*  
Hey, I'm making hot chocolate! Do you want some?  
*turns around toward them and has to smile again when she sees them standing there arm in arm*  
*sees her brother shake his head: "I'd love some later! But first I have to shower"!*  
*looks at Matteo questioningly*  
And what about you?

Matteo:  
*laughs when they hear Laura's voice and shakes his head*  
*had just teased David with what they could do if Laura wasn't at home*  
*David looks at him with his "I told you so" look and Matteo grins*  
*then grins at Laura and nods*  
Hot chocolate sounds good...  
*he says and takes off his jacket when David disappears into the bathroom*  
Warm or cold?  
*he asks, while following Laura into the kitchen*

Laura:  
*sees Matteo and David exchange looks and communicate without words and tilts her head in amusement*  
*would love to know what it's about but then thinks that it's none of her business*  
*sees Matteo following her into the kitchen and goes back to the stove*  
It's still cold... I was just about to heat it, but if you prefer it could then I'll just fill you some in a mug  
*turns around with a questioning look and smiles briefly*

Matteo:  
*sits down on the same stool he sat at after his first night here*  
No, no... warm is good...  
*watches as she starts to heat the hot chocolate on the stove*  
Do you like doing that? Cooking and the apartment and so on? The apartment’s kind of a dump, and yet it's still really cozy...

Laura:  
*nods when he also wants it warm and turns on the stove*  
*gets three mugs and puts them next to it*  
*laughs at Matteo's question*  
I wouldn't say I like it...?! I do like it cozy... and something good to eat and drink is part of that. And as I don't have anyone who cooks or cleans for me...  
*shrugs*  
...gotta do it myself, right?  
*briefly looks around the kitchen and then back at Matteo*  
David does help. He's great at decorating. But tidying up is another thing... I didn't have much to do with his room - he did all of that himself. And the rest of the apartment we mostly decorated together. We didn't have much money - so you have to get creative.  
*winks at him and then stirs the hot chocolate*

Matteo:  
*nods and laughs*  
Yes, gotta do it yourself.  
*laughs slightly when she mentions David*  
*thinks about the drawings in David's room, about David's creativity and nods*  
Seems like creativity is in the Schreibner-genes...  
*looks around the kitchen and then back at Laura*  
*hesitates*  
*wants to thank her but doesn't really know how*  
*turns the words around in his head for a while*  
By the way, thanks for... our talk, I mean that you didn't kick me out again and told me where he was...

Laura:  
*tilts her head*  
I'll gladly draw you stick figures - let's see if you still think creativity runs in the Schreibner genes...  
*laughs and then notices that the hot chocolate is already steaming*  
*lowers the heat on the stove and fills two mugs*  
*hears Matteo's words and looks up surprised*  
*smiles and points toward the table with her head*  
*puts the mugs down and sits down*  
*waits for Matteo to sit down as well and pushes a mug toward him*  
*hesitates and eventually says*  
You know... David doesn't tell me much... but at some point your name was mentioned more and more and he seemed somehow...  
*shrugs and searches for the right word*  
...livelier?  
*takes a sip from her mug but realizes that it's still too hot and puts it down again*  
When he told me that you wanted to pick him up from his exam he was so full of hope, and then this outing...  
*grimaces*  
*doesn't even want to imagine how bad that must have been for David*  
*therefore quickly continues*  
And when you were here, I somehow knew that you were worrying about him just like me. I mean, why else would you have come if he weren't important to you?!  
*smiles and shrugs*  
Therefore: you're welcome!  
*picks the mug back up and blows on it*  
*smiles again and then winks at him*  
And thank YOU that you found him and brought him back!  
*takes another sip of her hot chocolate*

Matteo:  
*quickly follows her and sits down across from her*  
*gets a little embarrassed when she tells him that David mentioned him several times and doesn't really know what to say*  
*only nods slightly and blows at his hot chocolate*  
*bites down on his lip slightly*  
I should have reached out sooner... then...  
*but then shrugs because there is no use in racking his about that anymore*  
*nods slowly*  
Yes, I was worried...  
*he says quietly and turns the mug around in his hands*  
*grins slightly*  
Ha, I mostly did that for selfish reasons...  
*knows that this isn't completely true*  
*would have done pretty much anything to make David feel better but he also wanted and still wants to have him for himself*  
But you're also welcome.

Laura:  
*listens to Matteo and also shrugs when he says that he should have reached out sooner*  
*doesn't know if it would have changed anything but thinks that it doesn't matter anymore because now everything's ok between the two of them*  
*nods at everything else he says and laughs quietly when he says that he went looking for David almost exclusively for selfish reasons*  
*leans back and ironically says*  
Right... only for selfish reasons...  
*nods exaggeratingly*  
*gets serious again*  
It is important for him to see that there are people who accept and love him exactly the way he is. And props to you that you managed to make him trust you so quickly.  
*laughs quietly*  
There really are moments where I wonder how you did that. How you managed to make my self-doubting brother, who constantly thinks about running away, jump over his shadow and open up to someone...  
*leans forward and grins slightly to take the tragedy out of her words*  
Admit it - you secretly give him some kind of potion!

Matteo:  
*nods to everything Laura says and murmurs*  
I do...  
*gets a little embarrassed again and laughs quietly*  
To be honest, I yelled at him...  
*shrugs and puts his hands around his mug*  
*gets serious*  
I think I simply showed him that there is an alternative to running away...  
*shrugs*  
All of my friends think he's the coolest... none of them even hesitated to take him just the way he is... I think he only had to understand that, you know?  
*immediately gets quiet again because he said so much so openly*

Laura:  
*is astonished when Matteo says he yelled at him*  
*laughs*  
Seriously?!  
*presses her lips together with a grin and shakes her head*  
I'm sorry I can't really imagine that! You know how to yell!?  
*so far only ever took him for the quiet type*  
*gets serious again when Matteo does and nods*  
That was probably the exact right thing to do... an alternative to running away...  
*thinks about how often David has run away but thinks that it's David's responsibility to tell Matteo about it and therefore doesn't mention it*  
*smiles when he talks about his friends and nods*  
Yes, probably...  
*is really happy that David made such good friends and would love to know more about these people*  
*is really curious and boldly asks*  
You have to introduce me to them at the next party at your flatshare...  
*basically invites herself*

Matteo:  
*nods and has to laugh a little again*  
Yes, seriously...  
*shrugs*  
Obviously... I was... well, frustrated?  
*laughs and takes his first tiny sip from his hot chocolate*  
I'll do that, I'll introduce you to everyone... they’re a colorful bunch...

Laura:  
*smiles a little sadly when Matteo says that he was frustrated*  
*knows the feeling and in the beginning she used to be quite mad at David when he hid somewhere and she didn't know where he was, but as he usually turned up again after some time, at some point her anger simply turned into worry*  
*was just about to ask if the next party at the flatshare is already planned when David comes back into the kitchen*

David:  
*showered and afterward put on comfortable clothes and left his binder off because he had already been wearing it long enough today and by now it was already a habit to not wear it when he and Matteo got comfortable*  
*sees Matteo and Laura sitting at the table and has to smile*  
*thinks it's really nice that Matteo is here and that it's normal that he's here and somehow, with Matteo, he now feels even more at home here*  
Hey... na?  
*sees the empty mug standing next to the still steaming pot on the stove and fills his mug with hot chocolate before he turns the stove off*  
*goes over to the table and strokes over Matteo's shoulder in passing before he puts his mug on the table and sits down next to Matteo*  
*looks at both of them alternately and grins slightly*  
Did I miss something!?

Laura:  
*takes another sip of hot chocolate while looking between her brother and Matteo*  
*thinks it's really fascinating to watch the two of them and sometimes would love to be a fly on the wall when they’re alone*  
*grins mischievously at David's question and leans back*  
Ooh, not much... I was trying to find out what kind of potion Matteo used to make your flight-instinct disappear... but he won't share his secrets with me...  
*winks at Matteo*

Matteo:  
*immediately smiles when David comes into the kitchen*  
Hey...  
*automatically scoots closer to him and also has the urge to put his head on his shoulder but doesn't do that, after all*  
*then simply puts his hand on his leg because no contact at all is impossible*  
*laughs at Laura's deliberations of what he missed*  
No, no, a good magician never shares his tricks... and I invited her to the next party at the flatshare, she said she wants to meet the chaos-group...

David:  
*immediately and almost automatically grabs Matteo's hand when he puts it on his leg and entangles their fingers*  
*looks between the two of them and amusedly lifts one eyebrow*  
Oh, so you were talking about me!? Should I be honored or offended?!  
*laughs about the chaos-group that Laura wants to meet*  
Chaos-group is pretty accurate for these people... but they really are a loveable chaos-group...  
*takes a sip of hot chocolate and strokes the thumb of his mug-free hand slowly over the back of Matteo's hand*  
*feels somehow tired but freshly showered, clean, content and simply happy with the two of them here in the kitchen*

Laura:  
*empties her hot chocolate and puts her mug on the table*  
*grins in David's direction*  
Honored, of course! We only said nice things about you!  
*gets up and puts her mug in the sink*  
I'll leave you to it. I've got a good book waiting for me.  
*turns to Matteo*  
Let me know when the next party is.  
*gets a glass of water and disappears into her room*  
Have a nice evening!


	24. May 23, 2019 - Good Genes?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be mention of something called Schultüte in the play. If you want to know what that is, you can find out [ here](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schult%C3%BCte)

**Thursday, 6:56 pm:**

David:  
*he and Matteo are on their way to the house where Matteo’s mother lives and he’s really curious and a little nervous to meet her - because somehow it really is something official to be introduced as a boyfriend*  
*doesn't know where they have to go and simply walks next to Matteo*  
*at some point says*  
I really think we should have brought something... flowers or wine or something...  
*finds it a little strange to show up without anything*

Matteo:  
*shakes his head*  
Nonsense... my mother isn't like that...  
*grins at him*  
Besides, I'm bringing you, that is enough of a present...  
*turns into his old street and suddenly gets nervous, after all, when he sees the house*  
It's over there...  
*they stop in front of the door, but he doesn’t ring the doorbell, yet*  
*hesitates and asks*  
Are you ready?

David:  
*laughs at Matteo's answer and shrugs*  
If you say so...  
*looks in the direction Matteo points at and then at Matteo*  
*wonders when the last time was that he was here and how it must have been for him growing up here*  
*comments*  
It's nice here...  
*stops with him in front of the door and is a little confused that Matteo doesn’t immediately ring the doorbell*  
*tilts his head a little at his question and says*  
I am. Are you?  
*smiles at him encouragingly*

Matteo:  
*should have figured that David would see right through him*  
Well, yeah... what could go wrong, right?  
*immediately thinks of at least five things that could go wrong*  
*so quickly rings the bell*  
*the door opens relatively quickly and his mother beams at him: "You're already here! How nice"!*  
*briefly looks confused*  
Yes, it's seven...  
*sees his mother smile: "Yes, but you and punctual..."*  
*sees her smile and then looking at David: "And you must be David, how nice. Why don't you come in, come in"!*

David:  
*briefly squeezes Matteo’s hand because he has the feeling that Matteo somehow is a little nervous, after all, but lets go of it when Matteo rings the bell because he doesn’t know how much closeness in front of his mother is okay*  
*murmurs*  
I’m sure nothing will go wrong!  
*smiles when Matteo’s mother opens the door and thinks it’s nice that she really seems to be happy about seeing Matteo and him*  
*has to suppress a grin when he hears her comment about punctuality*  
*nods when Matteo’s mother addresses him*  
Yes, exactly. Thanks for the invitation!  
*steps into the hallway after Matteo and wonders whether they are supposed to take their shoes off*  
*waits to see what Matteo does*  
*in the meantime, hears his mother’s answer: “I’m so happy that it finally worked out! I’ve been trying for some time to convince Matteo to visit me, but I can’t really blame him for not visiting for so long…”*  
*only understands half of what she says but doesn’t ask, either*  
*hears her talk further and wonders if she might be similarly nervous as Matteo: “Why don’t you go into the living room… or would you rather go to the dining room? Whatever you want. Do you want something to drink”?*

Matteo:  
*steps into the hallway and toes off his shoes*  
*hears his mother and shakes his head*  
Mama…  
*really hopes that they won’t talk about the things that happened*  
*briefly holds her by the arm and looks at her*  
*says quietly*  
Everything’s all right…  
*sees her smile and really relax a little*  
We’ll go into the living room… or do you need help in the kitchen?  
*sees her immediately shake her head: “No, no… just make yourself at home, I’ll be there in a second…”*  
*sees her going to the kitchen*  
*then shows David the way to the living room*  
*remembers only now how many photos his mother puts up and hopes that there are no embarrassing ones*

David:  
*takes off his shoes when he sees that Matteo takes them off*  
*then watches the interaction between Matteo and his mother and is surprised and touched how soft Matteo treats her and how his mother reacts to it*  
*smiles slightly but can’t really place all of that*  
*remembers Matteo mentioning that she takes antidepressants and wonders why and what she was like without them*  
*gets pulled out of his thoughts and follows Matteo into the living room*  
*looks around and finds it really comfortable and tidy*  
*can see mementos everywhere and sees a lot of pictures on the walls*  
*steps closer to a wall with especially many photos and briefly grins in Matteo’s direction*  
If there’s an embarrassing photo somewhere that I’m not supposed to see, now is your chance to take it off.  
*says that because if it were him, at least for now, he’d only show Matteo very few pictures from his childhood – if any*

Matteo:  
*stops in the middle of the living room and takes a look to see if anything has changed*  
*can’t really find anything and sighs slightly*  
*hears David and steps beside him to look at the photos*  
*quickly looks at the wall with the pictures but then thinks that it’s silly*  
*shrugs*  
So what… if an embarrassing childhood picture scares you away… than that speaks against you more than against me.  
*grins and nudges him slightly before pointing at a photo*  
This was in Italy… we used to be there every summer…  
*then gets quiet when his mother comes in and turns around*  
*hears her say: “I took the ones of you naked in the bathtub off for the occasion…”*  
*laughs and shakes his head*  
Very thoughtful, thanks.

David:  
*grins slightly at Matteo's words and nods*  
True... but you won't get rid of me anytime soon!  
*looks at the photos - Matteo as a baby, a toddler, the obligatory one with a _Schultüte_...*  
*then follows Matteo's gaze and looks at the photo: Matteo at the beach with water wings cheekily grinning into the camera*  
*was just about to ask how old Matteo was when the picture was taken, when his mother comes in with beverages*  
*hears her words and laughs*  
*nods confirmatory at Matteo's thanks*  
Really considerate! My mother wouldn't think of something like that...  
*watches as Matteo's mother puts down the tray with the beverages on the coffee table and hears her say: "I brought water and cola for now. Or would you prefer beer"?*  
*immediately shakes his head*  
No, thanks! Cola is great!  
*sees how she smiles, how she sits down on the armchair and reach for the cola and a glass to pour him some: "And for you, Matteo? - Why don't you two sit down"!*  
*sits down on the sofa and takes another look around*  
*feels like he has to say something and says*  
Your living room is really cozy, Mrs. Florenzi!  
*takes the cola she hands him and thanks her*  
*hears her say: "Thank you! Most things here have their own story. I'm bad at letting go of memories..."*  
*sees her smile apologetically when she says that and smiles as well*  
That doesn't have to be a bad thing - as long as the memories are good, it's nice to always have them around you...  
*briefly wonders if Matteo should have told him a little more about his mother, after all*  
*is a little scared of putting his foot in his mouth*

Matteo:  
*sits down on the sofa next to David*  
I'll take cola, as well, thanks...  
*grins slightly when David is so polite and struggles a little with the small talk*  
*leans forward to take his glass and looks at his mother*  
Sometimes you can let go... if you have to...  
*sees her looking at him and apparently searching for something in his face*  
*smiles until she also smiles and then leans back again*  
By the way, David is an artist, Mama... he can draw really well...  
*sees his mother smile and look at David. "That's great. Do you prefer to draw objects or people"?*  
*smiles slightly to himself and hopes that he managed to get David out of his small talk-trip*

David:  
*sees how Matteo's mother also pours him some cola and some water for herself and then watches their nonverbal communication interested and confused*  
*blushes slightly at Matteo's words and sheepishly shakes his head*  
*murmurs*  
Well, it's more like a hobby...  
*looks at Matteo's mother and answers her question*  
Actually, everything I feel like... but mostly I do draw people... but sometimes also objects...  
*notices Matteo's mother listening interestedly: "And did you always like to draw? Do you maybe have photos of your drawings? I would really love to see some..."*  
*thinks for a moment and then shakes his head*  
*thinks the pictures on Instagram are a little gloomy and not very representable*  
*suggests*  
But I could take some photos for next time...  
*remembers her first question, briefly takes a sip of his cola and then answers*  
As a child I drew more - but also really persistently and complex. But I really started sketching when I was about 13, 14... that's when I really got engaged in it, looked at books and videos, tried to improve...  
*notices Matteo's mother still smiling and hears her say: "That is a really nice hobby. Calming, isn't it"?*  
*grins slightly and nods*  
Most times, it is...

Matteo:  
*is really pleased with himself when his plan works and the two really start a good conversation*  
*sips at his cola while his mother says: "Matteo was never that into art... right, Matteo? If you'd known, maybe you would have come to a museum with me, after all..."*  
*laughs and shakes his head*  
No, I probably still wouldn't have...  
*sees her smile and nod: "Worked out anyways, right? How did you meet, anyways? At a discotheque"?*  
*laughs*  
No one says discotheque, Mama... and no, we met at school... David changed schools a few months ago...

David:  
*grins slightly in Matteo's direction and has to think about the fact that Matteo is usually quite interested in looking at his drawings*  
*takes another sip of cola, puts his glass down, leans back on the sofa and follows the conversation*  
*then notices how Matteo's mother turns back to him: "Changing schools so shortly before Abi? That seems really exhausting. Did your family have to move?  
*gets a little nervous, but nods*  
Umm yes... unfortunately, it couldn't be avoided. And it wasn't that bad. I had to catch up a little in some subjects but in most courses, we were on a similar level at the old school!  
*sees Matteo's mother smile: "Well, then it's all right. And now you’re done, anyways"!*  
*notice her look between him and Matteo, smile and then ask: "And then you met and went on a date, old-school? Or how does that work nowadays"?!*  
*hears her laugh and has to grin a little, as well*  
*looks at Matteo and slightly tilts his head*  
Do we tell her the complicated or the uncomplicated version?  
*looks back at Matteo's mother*  
To be honest, it took several weeks... and I'm not completely innocent in the matter...  
*doesn't know in the slightest how to tell Matteo's mother about it without talking about the actual problem and looks helplessly and pleadingly back at Matteo*

Matteo:  
*should have figured that the typical “how did you get together” question would be asked*  
*didn’t’ figure it and now is a little unprepared*  
Um… something in the middle?  
*shakes his head when David says he’s not completely innocent*  
Me neither… I had… um… a girlfriend… when we met… when we got closer, I broke up with her… but of course that didn’t make trusting and such exactly easy… that’s why it went back and forth for a while..  
*thinks that they can bend the truth a little and that it’s not a complete lie, either*  
But as you can see, it did work out in the end!

David:  
*is glad when Matteo takes over and simply nods at everything he says*  
*thinks that basically it’s not a lie and simply allows for a lot of freedom to interpret the back and forth-situation*  
*sees Matteo’s mother smiling and nodding at his final words: “And that’s what’s important, isn’t it? What’s important is that in the end you’re happy”!*  
*nods in agreement and smiles in Matteo’s direction*  
I agree…  
*then hears a phone alarm go off and looks back at Matteo’s mother, who reaches for her phone and turns off the alarm: “Oh, excuse me! I’ve got a casserole in the oven and it’s done now! I hope you’re hungry! Why don’t you sit down in the dining room”!*  
*looks after her when she disappears from the living room and then looks at Matteo*  
I’ll simply follow you blindly…  
*grins slightly and gets up*

Matteo:  
*looks after his mother*  
*grins at him and nods*  
Always a good idea…  
*gives him a quick kiss*  
*then says more quietly*  
I hope that was okay just now?  
*is happy when David nods and leads the way into the dining room*  
*sees how his mother has laid the table and suddenly feels a lump in his throat*  
*remembers the days where she didn’t manage to get out of bed at all, let alone take care of the household*  
*points at the side with two plates*  
I suppose, that’s us…  
*sits down with David*

David:  
*follows Matteo into the dining room where they put down all the glasses as well as the cola and the water bottle*  
*sits down next to Matteo and also takes a look around and finds it quite cozy here, as well*  
*looks at Matteo scrutinizingly*  
Everything okay? It’s going quite well, right? She really put in a lot of effort…  
*points his head toward the laid table and looks back at Matteo*  
*can’t really estimate how he is doing right now – one minute he seems pensive and dejected, the next soft and loving and as if he would feel comfortable*  
*wonders what’s going on inside of him but thinks that now is not the right moment talk about it*

Matteo:  
*quickly nods when David asks if everything’s all right*  
Yes… it’s… nice to see that she’s doing so well…  
*looks at David*  
Really… it’s good… it’s just that sometimes I still worry about her… but this, right now, is good…  
*then hears and sees his mother enter with the casserole: “I totally forgot to ask if you’re allergic to anything, David? Or if you don’t eat meat? I could quickly make something different…”*

David:  
*nods slowly when Matteo says that he sometimes still worries about her, but that it’s good right now*  
*briefly squeezes his hand under the table and smiles at him encouragingly*  
*will ask again later and leave it to Matteo to tell him or not*  
*looks up when he hears Matteo’s mother come in*  
*smiles at her questions and lifts his hands in defense*  
Oh, no, thanks! Everything is alright! I eat almost everything and I’m not allergic to anything!  
*sees Matteo’s mother smile: “Well then it’s all right”!*  
*leans slightly forward and looks at the casserole and comments*  
This looks delicious! Unfortunately, I can’t really cook well – Matteo or my sister mostly do that for me…  
*sees Matteo’s mother looking at her son lovingly: “Matteo liked to help me cook even when he was little. At some point it became uninteresting or uncool… But when I wasn’t doing so well, he still cooked for me quite often”!*  
*grins in Matteo’s direction*  
So you practiced even as a kid – no wonder you’re so good at it!

Matteo:  
*grins slightly when David says that he can’t cook*  
*would love to say that David is at least good at chopping but has already told enough fibs today*  
*sees his mother’s look and smiles back*  
*nods slowly*  
Yes, you taught me the basics… and throwing things into a pan isn’t that hard…  
*swallows a little when he thinks about all the things he tried to make his mother eat*  
*hears his mother: “I always loved your pasta the most”!*  
*laughs at that*  
Everyone says that…

David:  
*looks at Matteo mischievously*  
Well then there has to be some truth to that…  
*hears Matteo’s mother: “Let’s eat before everything gets cold”!*  
*notices her reach for his plate and hands it to her*  
Thanks!  
*takes the plate back and waits for her to also serve Matteo and herself*  
*was just about to reach for his cutlery to start, but then realizes that it’s oddly quiet*  
*wonders a little why Matteo and his mother don’t start to eat, but then realizes why…*

Matteo:  
*slightly nudges David with his elbow when he starts to reach for his cutlery and shakes his head*  
*sees his mother smile at David: “I always pray before I eat”.*  
*presses his lips together and looks down, but doesn’t fold his hands*  
*from the corner of his eyes he sees how David at least lowers his head, as well*  
*then hears his mother say a prayer of thanks and then hears her add: “...and today I’m especially thankful for Matteo and David’s company. Amen”.*  
*sighs barely audibly and then reaches for his cutlery*  
Well, then, enjoy…  
*digs in and therefore is busy and quiet for now*

David:  
*smiles back when he hears the explanation of Matteo’s mother and nods*  
*doesn’t really know anyone who prays before they eat but thinks it’s actually quite nice and doesn’t mind it*  
*only is a little unsure if he has to consider anything and peeks over at Matteo*  
*then does the same thing he does and also lowers his head*  
*listens to Matteo’s mother and has to smile again when she mentions him and Matteo*  
*looks up after the “Amen” and also reaches for his cutlery*  
*nods at Matteo’s words*  
Thanks! You, too!  
*tries the food and thinks it’s really good*  
*for a while they all eat in silence before Matteo’s mother breaks the silence: “And do you already know what you are going to do? Now that you’ve got your Abi”?*

Matteo:  
*shrugs one shoulder and drinks a sip first*  
Let’s just wait for the results, first… maybe I didn’t even pass…  
*sees his mother shake her head. “I don’t think so, you’re such a smart guy”.*  
*shrugs one shoulder again*  
But lazy. We’ll see…  
*hears his mother again: “But do you already have an idea of what you want to do if you pass”?*  
*sighs and shakes his head*  
Noo…  
*sees how his mother thinks, starts to speak, but then closes her mouth again, after all*  
What? I’ll find something…  
*sees his mother tilting her head: “Your father said…”*  
*interrupts her angrily*  
I don’t care.  
*sees his mother looking from him to David and back a little embarrassed: I know, I usually don’t care, either, but he is the one that pays…”*  
*shakes his head again*  
Yes, my child support… and that’s the least he can do…  
*realizes that he gets angry and shakes his head*  
Tell him I’ll find something and that he should stop whining to you about it!

David:  
*planned on letting Matteo answer first – his mother is more interested in Matteo’s plans after Abi than his own plans*  
*shakes his head when Matteo says that he might not have passed and determinedly says*  
Nonsense!  
*peeks over at Matteo when his mother continues nagging to make sure that he is still at least somewhat ok with not knowing what he wants to do in live and can’t really find any insecurities in his responses so far, which reassures him for now*  
*follows the conversation further and is astonished when Matteo gets so angry all of a sudden*  
*feels pretty uncomfortable because it seems to be about something really personal, a family matter, and he doesn’t really want to interfere with that*  
*sees how uncomfortable the dispute makes Matteo’s mother feel, but how she still answers her son: “He doesn’t whine about it to me – he just worries…”  
*peeks at Matteo, who is angry but seems to have the situation under control, and to his mother, who keeps looking apologetically at him and her son and obviously feels uncomfortable*  
*simply puts down his cutlery and thinks that it might be good to give them 5 minutes where he doesn’t interrupt*  
Umm… where’s the bathroom?  
*hopes that its okay for Matteo to leave him alone with this situation but figures that Matteo probably would have told him in advance if he needed or wanted support in that situation and that he might be embarrassed that the situation gets dragged out in front of him*

Matteo:  
*derisively says*  
Yeah right, he worries… maybe about his money…  
*sees his mother shake her head: “That’s not true and you know that”.*  
*looks up when David gets up*  
*can somehow understand that he wants to get out*  
Down the hallway, to the right next to the front door…  
*sees David leave the room and looks at his mother*  
I’m not letting myself get pressured by him, Mama… you know he has to give me money.  
*sees her shake her head: “But not as much as he gives you… but I don’t want to fight, Matteo, it’s about you… and about your plans”.*  
*nods slowly and sighs*  
Yeah, it’s okay… I’ll get a job until I know what I want to do, okay?

David:  
*gets up and leaves the dining room*  
*can still hear parts of the conversation when he is in the hallway but then disappears into the bathroom*  
*lingers there for quite some time and even sits down on the toilet seat for a while to give Matteo and his mother the time they need*  
*somehow feels a little snubbed because there seem to be so many things in Matteo’s family he doesn’t know about and that Matteo hasn’t told him*  
*tries to think about what Matteo has actually told him and realizes that it really hadn’t been much*  
*wonders why – whether he’s embarrassed or if he wants to put it behind him or if he already has put it behind him – and wonders how he should act about it now – whether he should ask Matteo or wait until he tells him on his own accord*  
*sighs quietly and absentmindedly washes his hands a second time before going back to the dining room*

Matteo:  
*gets his arm patted by his mother: “I’m so proud of you, Matteo, really, I am. You’ll find the right thing for you, I know that. And I am always on your side”.*  
*smiles slightly and nods*  
I know, Mama.  
*looks up when David comes back into the room and smiles automatically*  
*briefly nods at him to tell him that they are done with the topic*  
*when David sits down the conversation gets more innocuous*  
*David talks about his study-plans and Mama Florenzi gets the dessert, homemade tiramisu*

David:  
*returns Matteo’s smile and is glad that they seem to be done with the topic and that Matteo, as well as is mother, seem to be doing okay and that it gets more innocuous*  
*”… and until when do you have to apply for filmmaking”?, Matteo’s mother asks him while distributing the Tiramisu to small bowls*  
*takes it from her*  
Thanks… that depends on the university… for most of them until the beginning of June, so there’s not too much time…  
*tries a bite of Tiramisu and is surprised because it tastes so good*  
*moans a little to Matteo*  
You have to make that for me one day…  
*grins slightly but then gets asked by Matteo’s mother: “Did you already decide on a university”?*  
*shakes his head with a full mouth and answers once he has swallowed*  
Not really… there are a lot of good ones in Germany… and it also depends on where I get accepted. Berlin would of course be my preference…

Matteo:  
*eats his Tiramisu while the two are talking about universities*  
*already knows this stuff*  
*grins when David says that he has to make it for him one day*  
*shakes his head*  
I don’t know how to… and not as well as Mama, anyways…  
*continues eating*  
*then sees his mother smile: “This would be nice, then I’d have you both close-by”.*  
*has to grin because his mother knows him so well and already knows that he would go wherever David goes*

David:  
*peeks at Matteo when he hears the last words from his mother and has to grin, as well*  
*finds it somehow cute that she expects them /both/ to be close-by, that she expects that he and Matteo will stay together, even if she only just met him*  
*briefly looks at Matteo’s hand which is only a few centimeters away from his’ but doesn’t dare take it, because he doesn’t know if that would be okay for Matteo as he hasn’t been trying to get close all evening*  
*thinks it’s because it might be weird in front of his mother, but is looking forward to later and to more closeness*  
*eats the last bite of his Tiramisu and smiles at Matteo’s mother*  
That was really good! Thank you!  
*sees her also smile: “Why don’t you have some more! There’s enough left! You have to take the rest of it with you, anyways, I can’t eat that on my own”!*  
*grins and reaches for the bowl*  
Yes, I’d love to!  
*has the serving spoon in his hand and looks questioningly between Matteo and his mother*  
Anyone else?

Matteo:  
*laughs slightly when David asks if anyone wants more*  
*holds his bowl out to him*  
Do you have to ask?  
*hears his mother laughing and grins*  
What?  
*hears her say: “You eat and eat and don’t work out and you still don’t gain any weight. How do you do that”?*  
*grins and shrugs*  
Good genes?  
*sees his mother shake her head: “That I’d know…”*

David:  
*gives everyone some more Tiramisu and stays at the table for a while longer with Matteo and his mother*  
*laughs a lot, especially when a few stories from Matteo’s childhood are dug out, until Matteo says that it’s enough and that he now owes him three embarrassing stories from his own childhood*  
*Matteo and he leave shortly after nine – with a Tupperware box with the rest of the Tiramisu – and promise to visit her again soon*  
*is a little surprised when Matteo’s mother doesn’t only hug Matteo but also him*  
*walks away from her house together with Matteo and enjoys the movement and the fresh air after all the food*  
*looks at Matteo sideways with a smile*  
Everything okay?

Matteo:  
*enjoys the quiet and to only have David by his side*  
*smiles slightly at his question and nods*  
Yes… went quite well, didn’t it?  
*looks at him sideways*  
I mean, she likes you… that’s what’s important…  
*nudges him slightly and then reaches for his hand*  
Or what do you think?

David:  
*nods at his question*  
Yes, I think so, too.  
*laughs*  
Did you have any doubts about her liking me? Well, thanks a lot!  
*then gets serious again and entwines their fingers when Matteo finally reaches for his hand*  
*isn’t planning on letting go of it anytime soon*  
*thinks for a moment and then answers Matteo’s question*  
I think that it was a nice evening. In the beginning your mother seemed a bit tense and nervous, but by the end I think she really felt comfortable.  
*considers mentioning that he didn’t really understand many of the things they were talking about but leaves it for now*

Matteo:  
*laughs when he looks indignant*  
Hey, I have learned that not everyone has such an excellent taste as I do…  
*grins at him*  
*but then also gets serious again when David does*  
*nods at his perception*  
Yes, I thought so, too… I think she was very nervous… I think she also wanted you to like her…  
*ruffles his hair with his free hand and then looks back at David while they turn around a corner*  
And sorry that you felt like you had to go to the bathroom… I didn’t want you to feel uncomfortable… but I get annoyed when I feel like she only repeats what he tells her…

David:  
*smiles and shrugs*  
I like her, as well. She’s really nice!  
*grins slightly and squeezes his fingers*  
And of course it’s also somehow important that mother in law and son in law like each other, isn’t it?  
*shakes his head at Matteo’s next words*  
I didn’t feel uncomfortable – well at least not too much. I just didn’t really understand what it was about. It felt more like your mother was uncomfortable to argue with you in front of me.  
*looks at Matteo sideways and hesitates*  
*gnaws at his bottom lip for a moment and asks*  
Maybe… well, if you want to, maybe you can tell me a little more about your parents one day?  
*tries to lighten up the question a little bit*  
Then next time I know when a situation gets hairy and when I have to disappear to the bathroom…

Matteo:  
*laughs slightly and throws his head back*  
Son in law, huh? I see…  
*then gets serious again*  
*nods slightly*  
Yes, I think it was…  
*briefly looks at him at his next question*  
*looks away again and bites his bottom lip*  
*isn’t used to talking about his parents*  
*if at all, only talked about it to Jonas, or maybe Hanna, and they basically experienced it first-hand*  
*but also thinks that David is right and that he should know about it*  
*somehow really wants David to know everything about him, that he becomes family*  
*notices an entrance to a tiny park and briefly points toward it*  
Let’s check if there is a bench?  
*notices David’s confused look*  
Then we can talk…

David:  
*gets slightly nervous when Matteo at first doesn’t answer his question and considers taking it back*  
*then looks confused when Matteo points at the park but then smiles when he understands and nods*  
Sure.  
(*quickly goes to the Kiosk at the other side of the street with Matteo and buys some cherry-beer for them*)  
*enters the park, which is only sparsely lit by street lamps on the street, together with Matteo and relatively quickly finds a nice bench*  
*sits down without letting go of Matteo’s hand and turns toward him in order to look at him*  
*stays quiet to give him time to sort his thoughts*

Matteo:  
*sits down on the bench with David and is glad that he doesn’t let go of his hand*  
*doesn’t really know where to begin and therefore takes a sip from his cherry-beer first*  
*then also looks at David and simply starts*  
My mother has depression. I think she always had… but as I child I didn’t really notice it… anyways… she always took care of me when I was little, that probably helped… but when I got older and didn’t need her as much… well, then it somehow got worse… sometimes she didn’t get up for days… only stayed in bed… my father and her argued… more and more… but it was more like he got frustrated and got louder and Mama only cried…  
*bites down on his lip and looks away*  
*then takes a deep breath and continues*  
At some point, my father said that she couldn’t be helped anymore… that he couldn’t do this anymore… told her he’d take me and go to Italy…  
*shakes his head and hmph-es slightly*  
I mean, can you imagine? He simply would have left her completely alone, he didn’t care at all… he just didn’t want to deal with her anymore… I told him to fuck off and that he’s a coward and an asshole and that I’ll stay here… the next day he was gone and that was it…  
*shrugs*  
I stayed with Mama, but it was… well, not easy… she had phases where she was doing really well and…  
*swallows hard and needs a moment*  
Well, I thought that’s it, we made it… and the next day she didn’t get up again… anyways, I told her that I couldn’t always look after her… that she needed help… well, and then Mia texted me that they were looking for a roommate…  
*shrugs slightly and takes another sip of beer*  
*doesn’t really know if the story actually ends there or if it was the thing David wanted to know, but doesn’t really have any more words right now*  
*so simply waits for his reaction and for his possible questions*

David:  
*smiles briefly in encouragement when Matteo starts talking but then gets serious and listens to him when he realizes what it’s about*  
*during some parts he squeezes his hand a little more and during some, he tenderly strokes over the back of his hand*  
*takes a sip of his cherry-beer every now and then*  
*thinks that it’s horrible to experience your mother like this and not able to help her*  
*frowns when Matteo talks about his father*  
*finds it unfathomable that he left Matteo alone with the situation – that his own wellbeing was more important to him than that of his child*  
*shakes his head slightly and has to swallow when he realizes what kind of responsibility he must have carried on his shoulders back then*  
*would love to give him a hug but doesn’t want to interrupt him while he talks*  
*scoots a little closer instead and wraps his other hand around the one he already has a hold of so that Matteo knows that he’s there for him*  
*nods when Matteo says that he can’t always look after his mother and is proud of him for being so courageous to take that step*  
*waits for a moment to see if he’ll say more but then takes a deep breath and runs a hand through his hair*  
Puh…  
*tries to sort his thoughts and thinks about what he should ask or say first*  
*eventually asks quietly*  
How old were you when your father went to Italy?

Matteo:  
*exhales the air he must have been holding and nods*  
“Puh” is quite accurate…  
*sighs slightly at his question*  
17… four days from now it’ll be exactly a year…  
*shakes his head again slightly*  
I haven’t seen or talked to him since… he tried to call a few times at first, but he stopped at some point… Mama took care of the thing with the money…

David:  
*briefly presses his lips together at the information and wonders again how one can leave their 17-year-old child and his depressed mother*  
*finds it unfathomable but nods when Matteo says that it’s been a year and to what Matteo says after that*  
So he basically pays for your room in the flatshare? And your mother is still in contact with him? Or only for organizational stuff?  
*wonders if Matteo sometimes misses his father or if the events were so grave that you cannot forgive it, or only forgive it with a lot of effort and time*

Matteo:  
*nods slightly*  
Yes, he pays for the room and a little bit on top of that, and so does Mama…  
*shrugs*  
I don’t really know… I do think mainly for organizational stuff… the divorce isn’t finalized either… and until I turned 18 they still had joint custody…  
*takes another sip*  
Anyways, I think he can do the bit of money… that’s actually the least he could do… but I don’t wanna be dependent on him, either…

David:  
*nods at what Matteo says and also takes another sip*  
*shrugs and says*  
That’s not only the least he can do – basically he is obligated to pay for you as long as you haven’t finished your education… I think parents are obligated to pay even until you’re 27. Insofar… even if it feels bad to be dependent but actually you’re not really, because it’s not you who demands the money but the law does!  
*grimaces in frustration because he can understand that it sucks for Matteo to feel like he is dependent when his father acted so stupid*  
*takes another sip and then puts his beer down and takes Matteo’s hand in both of his hands again*  
And your mother? I mean she was doing quite well today. Is she doing therapy or something like that?

Matteo:  
*slowly nods at what David says*  
Yes, I know… but I don’t want him to bother my mother because of it…  
*shrugs*  
Let’s see what I can find…  
*holds onto David’s hands and enjoys the feeling of not being alone*  
*nods*  
Yes, she found a therapist she likes… she used to go to one my father found, but that one didn’t work for her… well and now she does both… I mean meds and talking therapy and it seems to work quite well... for now…  
*shrugs*  
At least from what I see and from what she tells me.

David:  
*keeps listening to Matteo and slowly nods at his words to tell him that he is listening*  
*automatically draws little circles on the back of Matteo’s hand with his thumb*  
*is happy to hear that his mother seems to be doing better*  
*quietly says*  
It’s really important to have a therapist that works for you – otherwise there’s no use and it can even lead to you feeling worse… I once changed therapists, as well…  
*sighs briefly and looks at Matteo lovingly*  
*hesitates for a moment and then says*  
I think it’s good that you moved into the flatshare. And that you told her that you can’t always look after her. That was brave…  
*then adds quietly and carefully*  
I think otherwise you would have fallen by the wayside at some point…  
*doesn’t know if Matteo wants to hear that and looks at him uncertain*

Matteo:  
*slightly nods to the therapist-thing*  
*any other day he probably would have asked David some questions but right now he’s too lost in thought thinking about his mother*  
Yes, I think changing was really good…  
*nods slowly when he says that it’s good that he moved out*  
Yes… Jonas said something similar… and we’re both doing better now… Mama and I… so…  
*looks at David and smiles slightly*  
It’s all good the way it is.

David:  
*smiles when Matteo says that he and his mother have been doing better since he moved out and is happy for him*  
*can’t really imagine what it means having to look after someone the way Matteo did*  
*returns his look and automatically has to smile a little more*  
*murmurs*  
That’s what’s important…  
*slowly releases one hand and tenderly runs it through his hair without breaking eye contact*  
*quietly says*  
Thanks for telling me!  
*lets his hand wander to his neck and carefully pulls his head toward him to give him a short kiss on the lips*

Matteo:  
*enjoys David being so close and affectionate*  
*thinks that it’s really crazy that everything feels so new and exciting but at the same time feels as if he had known David forever because he’s so familiar*  
*returns the kiss for a moment and then also smiles*  
Thanks for asking…

David:  
*left his hand at the back of Matteo’s neck but now lowers it and searches for his beer-bottle*  
*has to grin a little when Matteo thanks him and looks at him mischievously*  
Maybe I’m simply a nosy person!  
*nods convincingly but still lies*  
*takes another sip and empties his cherry-beer*  
*simply felt like something was off and wanted to make sure that Matteo was doing okay with the situation or if he could do something for him*  
*thinks it’s nice that Matteo trusts him like that, that he told him all of that and vows to support him with everything that might happen with his parents in the future so that he doesn’t have to feel alone with it anymore*

Matteo:  
*briefly laughs out loud when David says he’s a nosy person*  
Oh, really? I didn’t notice… I simply thought you were caring… and noticed that there was more…  
*looks at him and then gets serious again*  
Many people simply look away embarrassed when they hear something, or they tell me how sorry they are… but that doesn’t help anyone… hardly anyone asks what’s really happening… or happened… so thanks, I mean it…

David:  
*laughs quietly when Matteo laughs and briefly bumps his head against Matteo’s shoulder*  
Damn, you saw right through me…  
*gets serious again when Matteo does and returns his gaze*  
*listens to him and only now understands what he meant by thanking him*  
*smiles slightly and then simply says*  
You’re very welcome!  
*leans back on the bench and stares into the dark park*  
*thinks about Matteo’s words again and eventually says*  
I’m also sorry that you had to go through this, but you’re right: It doesn’t change anything and doesn’t help anyone… But… well… if there should be anything in the future… you’re no longer alone with it, okay?

Matteo:  
*looks at him when he leans back*  
*smiles slightly at his words and notices how his heart somehow starts to speed up, but at the same time quiets down*  
*leans back as well and puts his head on David’s shoulder*  
Thanks… you really are… wonderful.  
*laughs slightly and wraps his arm around his belly and kisses his cheek*  
So, Mister Schreibner, to my place or yours?

David:  
*immediately puts one arm around Matteo’s shoulder when he leans against him and has to smile at his words because no one ever referred to him as “wonderful”*  
*kisses Matteo on the forehead and wraps his other arm around him as well when Matteo puts his arm around his belly*  
*sighs quietly and happily*  
*has to grin slightly at his question because just like him, Matteo doesn’t even consider spending the night apart and realizes that it’s the many small things like that which make him so happy*  
*thinks*  
Hmmm… your place… we already spent last night at my place. I’m sure Hans already misses you…  
*briefly kisses his forehead again and then tries to get out of Matteo’s grasp and to get up*


	25. May 24, 2019 (1) - At least you got the signatures

**Friday, 6:05 pm:**  
  
David:  
*went back to Laura’s and his apartment sometime in the afternoon with Matteo and has been chilling with him on the bed playing some computer game*  
*is totally concentrated when Laura suddenly comes into the room without knocking*  
*looks at her indignantly because she usually never does that and is just about to complain when he sees and hears her talking on the phone: “Yes, Mama… no, otherwise everything is okay with us… no, he didn’t forget. He’s right next to me and waits for his turn on the phone… okay… yes… say hello to Papa… see you”!*  
*sees Laura hold out her phone to him with an apologizing look and immediately grimaces and shakes his head*  
*hears Laura whisper: “Today’s the 24th, it’s her birthday”!!!*  
*sighs and grimaces even more*  
*knows that if he doesn’t talk to her now, she will hold it against him in every future conversation*  
*briefly looks at Matteo, who is looking at him questioningly, and briefly shrugs – is going to explain all of that later – takes a deep breath and then takes Laura’s phone, who immediately disappears from his room*  
Hello Mama… Happy Birthday!...  
*listens to her for some time while she thanks him and tells him which of the relatives visited and who she celebrated with and what a shame it was that he and Laura weren’t able to come*  
Hmmm… yes, maybe again next year… No, I’m not really done… I still have to study in case I have to go to the oral exams… went quite well… yes… no… no… no, I think I’ll stay in Berlin…  
*sighs and tries to not sound annoyed*  
… still filmmaking… or art…  
*only adds the latter to annoy his mother*  
… yes, there are a few good ones… it’s Berlin, after all…  
*looks over at Matteo and slightly rolls his eyes*  
… quite good, actually… yes, like always every three to four weeks… no, I’m still waiting for the answer from the insurance… yes, I’m sure…  
*sighs*  
… yes, I thought it through… I know, that’s the point…  
*tries to change the topic*  
… and how is Papa?  
*listens to her for some time and hums every now and then*  
*at some point clears his throat*  
Listen, Mama, I have to go… I have a visitor… you don’t know him… Matteo… from school…  
*hesitates, but eventually says*  
We’re together… yes, together together… no, he knows… yes, imagine, he’s okay with it…  
*can feel again how much it hurts him that apparently it always surprises his mother that someone could like him even though they know that he’s trans*  
… I don’t know yet… yes, I’ll ask him… we’ll see… okay, see you…  
*ends the call, closes his eyes for a moment, groans, lets himself fall on the bed backwards and takes a deep breath*  
*always finds it really exhausting to talk to his mother*  
*looks at Matteo, who looks at him questioningly, and shrugs*  
Sorry…  
*grabs some chocolate from the nightstand and breaks some off*  
*needs either that or some beer right now*  
*holds the chocolate out to Matteo questioningly*  
  
Matteo:  
*just like David, is surprised when Laura comes into the room without knocking*  
*realizes quickly that it must be their mother on the phone and tries to not make any noises*  
*listens to him and realizes that it must be about his injections*  
*would love to hug him but doesn’t want to interrupt or distract or make a sound*  
*grimaces slightly when David has to emphasize again that he has thought it through*  
*realizes that he doesn’t even know what David’s parents think about the whole thing*  
*bites on his bottom lip when David says his name and immediately shakes his head in case David looks at him*  
*doesn’t expect David to immediately tell his parents about it*  
*suddenly feels some anger rising when David says that he’s okay with it*  
*briefly has the urge to grab the phone and give his mother a piece of his mind*  
*sees David hang up the phone and fall back on the bed*  
*leans on his elbow, head on his hand, and looks at David*  
*would really like to say exactly the right thing, something nice, encouraging*  
*can only think of a stupid joke and simply tells it*  
I thought you killed your parents?  
*smiles a little and pushes some hair from his forehead with his free hand*  
*keeps his fingers in his hair and hopes that David knows that he’s there for him in case he wants to rant*  
  
David:  
*looks at Matteo when he basically lies down beside him*  
*has to grin broadly at his next words*  
In my mind at least 50 times…  
*closes his eyes for a moment when he feels Matteo’s hand in his hair and realizes that he slowly relaxes again*  
*is used to such conversations but usually it takes longer to come down again*  
*opens his eyes again and looks up at Matteo*  
*then notices that Matte doesn’t know anything at all about his parents and explains*  
Don’t know… my mother somehow still questions all of that. I believe she’s been thinking for 10 years that it’s only a phase. And my father… he doesn’t really say anything. Really nothing. And if he does say something then I feel like he ignores the fact that I’m trans. He’s not really okay with it, at all…  
*shrugs*  
*is actually really glad that he doesn’t have to put up with it on a daily basis since he came to Berlin*  
  
Matteo:  
*laughs slightly*  
Who hasn’t?  
*can practically see David relax a little and is somehow proud that he has that effect on him*  
*tilts his head a little when David starts to talk and listens to him attentively*  
*grimaces*  
Ugh, only a phase… sounds exhausting…  
*shakes his head*  
*carefully asks*  
Did you move in with Laura because of that? Well, I mean… a father who doesn’t talk to you, a mother who doesn't understand you… or…  
*shrugs*  
  
David:  
*nods when Matteo says that it sounds exhausting and laughs drily*  
Oh yes…  
*hears his question and thinks*  
*would probably have to explain much more for Matteo to understand how it was really like with his parents, but first starts with answering his question*  
One of the reasons… it didn’t go that well in general. In school, everyone witnessed the transition and… well, they didn’t really know how to deal with that to say it nicely… and my mother always acted a little bit as if it was my fault and that I should show understanding that not everyone can accept it and always suggested that I should adapt a little bit more and stuff like that… the only one where I felt like she really understood me was my therapist. She has really strengthened me. But the situation at school didn’t get any better and then the sleep problems came along and… I had a couple of light panic attacks. And Laura had already been living in Berlin for a few years and suggested to my mother that I could move in with her. My mother was totally against me changing schools so shortly before Abi and we were arguing about it for a long time and at some point it was especially bad at school again and… well, you know my flight instinct… I simply got on a train to Berlin and showed up at Laura’s.  
*had been looking at the ceiling while he talked to be able to concentrate better, but now looks back at Matteo and smiles*  
*is glad that all of that is over now and that he mostly doesn’t have to deal with most of these things here in Berlin*  
*simply continues while looking at Matteo and grinning slightly*  
… and then… both Laura and I told my mother that I won’t come back… and then… I went to the new school here… and there I met this guy… and fell in love with him quite hard… and since then I’m really well distracted and only on birthdays do I get forced by my sister to talk to my parents…  
  
Matteo:  
*listens to him*  
*frowns more and more while he talks*  
*feels the urge to protect David from al these stupid opinions and views flame up inside him*  
*is incredibly thankful right now that Laura exists and that she welcomed David with such open arms*  
*hasn’t taken his fingers out of David’s hair all this time and “squeezed” him a little more during some parts*  
*sees David look at him and hopes to have stopped his frowning and grimacing in time*  
*has to grin automatically when David is obviously talking about him and gets a little embarrassed*  
*under different circumstances would joke and ask who that guy is and that he would finish him off, or how insulting it is that he’s “only” a distraction, but somehow he doesn’t feel like it right now*  
*simply smiles and leans down a bit to give him a quick kiss*  
*quietly says*  
I love being your distraction.  
*smiles carefully*  
And I think it’s great that Laura helped you so much… and hey, you’re 18 now, now they can’t do anything anymore, anyways…  
  
David:  
*smiles up at Matteo when he kisses him and declares that he loves being his distraction*  
Fits perfectly!  
*gets a little more serious and nods*  
Yes, Laura is awesome! I’m really grateful to her…  
*reaches for Matteo’s hand in his hair and entwines their fingers*  
*sighs quietly*  
Yes, but it still doesn’t stop my mother from arguing…  
*grins slightly*  
What do you think how long I had to argue for my mother to finally agree that I could get puberty blockers prescribed?! Or testo…  
*laughs quietly*  
… or the constant discussions why I cut off my hair!?  
*in hindsight and with the distance he has to his parents now, actually finds these discussions amusing, but back then it was a different matter*  
*sighs quietly*  
But at least now I don’t need their signature anymore…  
*plays a little with Matteo’s fingers while he talks*  
  
Matteo:  
*keeps hold of his hand and keeps looking at him*  
*nods slightly and grimaces*  
*thinks it’s shitty that David’s parents didn’t think of the wellbeing of their child and only considered their own problems with that topic*  
*therefore asks*  
Didn’t they do research?  
*sighs quietly and shrugs one shoulder apologetically*  
And you haven’t seen them since you moved out? They don’t come here?  
  
David:  
*thinks for a while about Matteo’s question and shrugs*  
I don’t even know… they did realize that I wasn’t totally the typical girl… and I went to therapy relatively early. When I finally knew what was going on with me and I told them, they didn’t really know what to do with it. They weren’t mad or anything, but they didn’t really take it seriously, either. And back then, there was a conversation with my therapist every 3 months where my mother had to come along. And she really talked to her about the topic together with me and gave her flyers and addresses. I do think that she did research, but I think that she was still hoping that it was all only a phase…  
*turns to his side to better look at Matteo and smiles slightly*  
*even though it’s a difficult topic, he likes telling Matteo about it*  
The doctors also gave her a lot of information… she did have to come along to the consultations and for the consent forms for puberty blockers and testo.  
*presses his lips together for a moment and continues*  
… but sometimes I think she only gave in so that the discussions would stop and because she was scared that otherwise I would pull back even further…  
*stops for a moment and then continues*  
And my father… I think he doesn’t want anything to do with it… he suppresses it somehow. He also avoids calling me by name or to use “he” when he talks about me.  
*shrugs again*  
No clue if he ever read anything on that topic.  
*turns back on his back, looks at the ceiling and shakes his head at Matteo’s question*  
They haven’t been here, yet… but I think it’s better like this. Laura and I went back once with a friend of hers, who owns a van, to get some of my stuff… Then, my mother was somehow… I don’t know… overprotective or something like that… but it somehow felt wrong. Laura says that she often asks when we’ll visit… she also just asked on the phone…  
*grins slightly*  
… she even said that I should bring you… but to be honest, I’m glad that I don’t have to argue anymore and that I’m left alone. And she isn’t serious about it, anyway!  
*looks back at Matteo to see if he has any more questions*  
  
Matteo:  
*listens to him attentively*  
*in the meantime plays a little with his fingers*  
*nods and grimaces at the appropriate spots*  
Like I said, at least she signed…  
*is surprised that his mother said he could come along*  
Well, if you have to go there, I’ll come with you… as a distraction… I’ll wear run-down clothes for the occasion and only give short answers… then they can get upset about me…  
*grins slightly*  
  
David:  
*smiles when Matteo says that he’ll come, but shakes his head*  
Believe me, you don’t want to do that to yourself…  
*then laughs at his next words*  
The way she is at the moment, she probably wouldn’t even get annoyed if you came naked… at least not in my presence… No idea what Laura then gets to hear because of that…  
*pushes his arm between Matteo’s propped-up arm and his head to pull him closer and to put his head on his shoulder and kiss him on his forehead once he has Matteo lying in the position he wants him in*  
*murmurs*  
But it would still be nice if you came along one day… at least we can complain about her together afterwards…  
*smiles at the thought of not having to face this alone anymore*  
  
Matteo:  
*laughs slightly when he says the thing about being naked*  
I would distract them from you…  
*lets himself get moved by David and presses his nose against his neck*  
Of course I’ll come if you want to… and afterwards we’ll go get some ice cream and vent together…  
*looks up at him and presses a kiss on his chin*  
*then there’s a knock on the door and Laura comes in*  
*doesn’t move, Laura sees them on top of each other constantly, anyway*  
*sees her look at David worriedly and eventually say: “Wanted to get my phone back… and? How was it”?*  
  
David:  
*smiles*  
Sounds good…  
*looks at Laura when she comes in but doesn’t move and only wraps his arms around Matteo more, so that it won’t even cross his mind to move*  
*points his head at the nightstand where he put Laura’s phone and then says with a shrug*  
Like always… school, university, if I’m sure I want the surgery…  
*huffs quietly*  
Oh, and she was surprised that I’m with Matteo even though he knows that I’m trans… and now I’m supposed to bring him along, one day…  
*sees Laura lift her eyebrows: “Seriously”!?*  
*nods and shrugs*  
*sees Laura address Matteo: “Think about it, if you want to do that to yourself… it’s not without reason that we fled to Berlin…”*  
  
Matteo:  
*laughs and shrugs*  
Sure I’ll do that to myself… I’ll prepare a lot of bad jokes… and mention in every other sentence that I have no use for girls... it will be fine…  
*sees Laura laugh a little and look at him thankful: “Sounds like a plan… oh, by the way, are you guys going to stay? Do we want to cook something later”?*  
*nods*  
Yeah sure… I’ll be there in a minute to help you, ok?  
*sees Laura nod and grin and then leave*  
*looks at David when the door closes behind Laura*  
Everything all right?  
  
David:  
*grins at Matteo’s answer to Laura and nods to the cooking*  
Oh, yes, I’d love that! Conversations with Mama are always so exhausting that I’m starved afterwards…  
*smiles when Matteo says that he’ll come help and adds*  
And I’ll come to watch you…  
*laughs quietly and looks after Laura before looking back at Matteo*  
*smiles when he sees his look and nods*  
Everything’s all right!  
*slightly smiles to himself when he thinks about the conversations from yesterday and today and says*  
Well, we wonderfully checked off the parent-topic within two days… and now we can turn our attention back to nicer things…  
*tries to pull Matteo on top of him and searches for his mouth to kiss him*  
  
Matteo:  
*smiles when David says that everything’s all right*  
Okay, then…  
*also grins*  
Yes, you’re right… well done…  
*rolls slightly on top of him when he pulls and kisses him back*  
*pushes his leg between David’s and makes out with him for quite some time until he can hear Laura call from the kitchen*  
*lets go only reluctantly but does it anyways*  
I’m afraid we have to go help…  
  
David:  
*enjoys the closeness to Matteo and even forgets for some time that they wanted to cook but then also hears Laura call*  
*at first tires to ignore it and grumbles quietly when Matteo lets go*  
*sighs*  
Okay…  
*waits for Matteo to climb off him and then gets up*  
*goes to the kitchen with him to help Laura*  



	26. May 24, 2019 (2) - You’re here more often now

**Friday, 11:24 pm:**  
  
David:  
*had eaten dinner with Matteo and Laura and afterwards went to a bar with Matteo and the boys to drink and chat*  
*had a nice evening but Matteo and he said their goodbyes when Jonas, Abdi and Carlos wanted to go to some disco*  
*is back at the apartment with Matteo and they are about to get ready for bed when he remembers something he wanted to do and what he actually did earlier today*  
*is a little unsure whether Matteo might find the idea silly, but follows him into the bathroom after they agreed on Matteo going to the bathroom first*  
*sees Matteo’s surprised look, insecurely gnaws on his bottom lip for a moment and says*  
I don’t know if you find it silly… but you’re here quite often now… and so I thought…  
*points at a new hook on the wall holding a fresh towel and a new toothbrush mug including a new toothbrush next to his own*  
*shrugs and murmurs*  
This way you don’t have to haul your stuff around all the time…  
  
Matteo:  
*goes into the bathroom and is slightly confused when David follows him*  
*then notices an extra toothbrush mug and funnily enough his heartbeat starts to pick up*  
*hears David’s words and looks from the toothbrush mug to the towel-hook and then at David*  
*somehow has a lump in his throat and doesn’t even really know why*  
That…  
*swallows once because somehow his voice is a little husky*  
That’s not silly… That’s…  
*shakes his head a little because somehow, he can’t put it into words*  
*simply kisses David*  
*quietly murmurs*  
Thanks.  
  
David:  
*smiles with relief when Matteo says it’s not silly*  
*really likes the thought that with the toothbrush and the towel, there’s always a part of Matteo here*  
*loosely puts his hands on his hips when he kisses him and closes his eyes for a moment*  
*smiles again and murmurs*  
You’re welcome…  
*points his head at the door and says*  
I’ll leave you to it… see you…  
  
Matteo:  
*can only smile and nod when David leaves*  
*closes the door behind him and locks it*  
*looks at the toothbrush mug and the brand-new toothbrush once more*  
*then looks at himself in the mirror and is almost shocked at how big he smiles*  
*enjoys the feeling of belonging here, of belonging to David*  
*finally reaches for the toothbrush and starts to get ready for bed* 


	27. May 26, 2019 - Headache?

**Sunday, 4:20 pm:**  
  
Matteo:  
*is cycling to the ping-pong tables together with David*  
*can see from afar that Carlos, Abdi and Jonas are already there*  
*turns to David*  
If they make fun of us for being late, I’ll take the blame…  
*comes to a hold a few moments later*  
*waves to the boys and leans his bike against the fence*  
*goes towards the boys with David*  
Hey…  
*hugs them quickly*  
  
David:  
*laughs when Matteo says he’d take the blame*  
Well you /are/ to blame!  
*it was Matteo, after all, who wanted to make out for a little while because they allegedly had so much time before they had to leave*  
*gets off his bike when they reach the boys and also leans it against the fence*  
*lifts his hand in greeting and returns Jonas’ fist bump*  
Hello…  
*sees Abdi point at his wrist, where there’s no watch, but still looking at them chastising: “Ey, Brudis! Four o’clock was twenty minutes ago”!*  
*grins again and invitingly looks at Matteo*  
  
Matteo:  
*laughs slightly and then shrugs*  
I’ll take all the blame… I thought we’d be here quicker  
*Jonas laughs and says: “Dude, it takes 10 minutes… which means you left at least 10 minutes too late”*  
*shrugs again*  
Yes, like I said, it’s my fault… but now we’re here… so we can start…  
  
David:  
*is surprised that Matteo’s friends don’t argue more about being late and gets his and Matteo’s paddle from the back of the bike when Matteo says that they can start now*  
*hands Matteo his paddle and goes to stand next to him*  
*looks at the others questioningly*  
How do you guys play? Round-the-table Or alternately two on two?  
*hears Carlos: “Yeah, no, round-the-table, right”?! and Jonas’ answer: “Yes, if you don’t work out otherwise”! and Abdi’s “Otherwise it would suck if one of us has to miss a round…”*  
*grins and nods*  
Alright, I’m ready!  
*briefly looks at Matteo to see if he’s also ready and then looks askingly at Jonas, who has the ball*  
  
Matteo:  
*nods and gets into position*  
I’m ready… prepare for your defeat, guys*  
*the others only laugh and Jonas starts the game*  
*after some time, Jonas, Abdi and Matteo have already lost one life and Carlos even two*  
*only David hasn’t made a single mistake and it’s his turn to serve*  
*next to David is Jonas and on the other side are Carlos, Matteo and then Abdi*  
*Carlos turns to Matteo: “Hey, psst, you have to distract David, he’s too good”*  
*only laughs and shrugs*  
How? He’s simply good…  
  
David:  
*hasn't played ping-pong in forever and has a lot of fun with the guys*  
*thinks it's funny that they don't seem to take the game too serious but still fastidiously count the score and mistakes*  
*hears Matteo and Carlos whisper something and waits for Carlos to pay attention so that he can serve*  
Ready?  
*sees Carlos nod and readily jump up and down*  
*grins and serves the ball quite hard*  
*only realizes after he starts running again that Carlos didn't get the ball and that he is jumping up and down a few times out of anger*  
*hears him say: "Ey, guys, David is too good! He's not allowed to play anymore! Or he starts with two penalty points straight away"! - and can hear Jonas answer with a grin: "Dude, just because you play so badly doesn’t mean you have to blame it on others"!*  
*simply laughs and shrugs*  
Sooorryyy!  
*sees Carlos look at Matteo chastisingly *  
  
Matteo:  
*only laughs when Carlos gets angry like a little child*  
*sees the look Carlos shoots him and shrugs excessively*  
Dude, that's not my fault!  
*Carlos pffs and says: "Yes, it is"!*  
*goes over so that Jonas won't be alone on one side*  
*Jonas serves and the game starts gaining some momentum again*  
*soon Abdi is out as well and joins Carlos*  
*now Jonas is on one side and Matteo and David are on the other and it's David's turn to serve again*  
*knows that he has a better chance against Jonas*  
*sees David concentrate and takes a step toward him*  
*waits for the exact moment David throws the ball up to whisper*  
You look good today...  
  
David:  
*is soon only playing against Jonas and Matteo, Carlos and Abdi sat down on the backrest of a bench and are talking about who to root for and Carlos is dead against Matteo – out of protest, as he puts it – and Abdi against Jonas, because he’s the reason he got kicked out of the game*  
*is standing across from Jonas, who grins at him and waits for him to serve*  
*concentrates and plays the ball right when Matteo whispers into his ear*  
*looks after the ball as it lands on his side but then rolls off the side of the table and sees how Jonas throws up his arms in triumph*  
*hears Abdi call “boo” and turns with a fake-accusing look to Matteo*  
*whispers*  
Fuck you!  
*but grins as he says it*  
  
Matteo:  
*sees the ball jump into the out and triumphantly wiggles around*  
*grins at David broadly*  
Likewise!  
*sees David go over to Jonas’ side*  
*hears Carlos yell “foul play”! and grins at him*  
What? It was your idea! It worked!  
*Carlos shakes his head: “Too late! Finish him, Jonas”!*  
*only laughs and waits for Jonas to serve*  
  
David:  
*looks between Carlos and Matteo and laughs when he realizes what they were whispering about earlier*  
Seriously!? Well then I guess I’ll have to finish both of you off next round…  
*waits for Jonas to serve and they actually manage to play for some time before Jonas plays a ball that is impossible for Matteo to reach and causes him to also drop out*  
*grins when Carlos cheers, collects the ball and gets in position across from Jonas who says: “So my friend, now it’s only you and me left… go for it”!*  
*sees how Matteo joins Abdi and Carlos from the corner of his eye and then serves the ball*  
  
Matteo:  
*swears a little while he walks to the bench and sits down next to Abdi*  
*Carlos grins at him broadly: “Serves you right”!*  
Seriously, dude? Come on, I didn’t have the chance when you asked me…  
*Abdi interrupts him: “Be quiet, I have to cheer David on”!*  
Yeah? Are we biased? Who are you rooting for, Carlos?  
*hears Carlos’ answer: “I was only against you…”*  
*shakes his head and turns toward the game*  
*wasn’t planning on taking sides but automatically cheers when David scores a point*  
Yeeess, show him!  
  
David:  
*plays with Jonas for quite some time and has a lot of fun as Jonas plays really well and fair*  
*eventually it's 4:4 and out of the corner of his eyes he sees Carlos already get out the six-pack beer and calls to them: "Hurry up, guys! We're thirsty"!, and Jonas' answer: "Don't you dare start without us"!*  
*grins and waits for Jonas to be ready before he serves*  
*they play for a little while longer until he doesn't get one of Jonas' balls and Jonas wins the game*  
*grins, when he triumphantly raises his hands and goes around the table to shake his hand and congratulates him*  
Good game!  
*feels Jonas grab his hand and how he boxes him into his upper arm with his other arm: "Good game"!*  
*joins the others with Jonas and hears Jonas say: "Did you see that!? Finally a real opponent and not only victims"!*  
*laughs quietly and sits down on the bench between Matteo's legs as he's still sitting on the backrest with Abdi and Carlos*  
*sees Carlos open the beer bottles and hand them out to everyone and hears Abdi complain about Jonas' comment: "Don't act like you are such a pro or something... usually you fuck up every other game, as well"!*  
  
Matteo:  
*boos once loudly when Jonas wins, but then grins because it's just supposed to be fun*  
*ruffles David's hair when he sits down*  
*laughs at Abdi's comment and nods*  
Yeees, usually I'm the one who wins!  
*Carlos grunts: "Except when your lovesick"*  
*stretches his arm out to hit Carlos on the back of his head*  
I finished you off even then, you idiot!  
*takes the beer bottle that's held out to him and sees Carlos offering one to David*  
We can share one, right?  
  
David:  
*amusedly looks at Matteo when Carlos claims he lost when he was lovesick but only sees how he hits Carlos on the back of his head*  
*hears Abdi: "Yeah, sure, finished us off... we let you win, Brudi"! and Carlos: "Exactly! Out of pity"!*  
*laughs and says*  
Well, I hope that you won't have to let him win again...  
*was just about to take the beer from Carlos when he hears Matteo's suggestion*  
Umm... no...?  
*turns around to Matteo and shrugs apologetically but with a smile*  
*doesn't think one beer is too bad and isn't planning on getting drunk*  
*but somehow finds it nice that Matteo seems to worry and plans to talk about it with him later*  
  
Matteo:  
*only laughs and shakes his head*  
Yeah, sure, if it makes you feel better...  
*smiles at David's words and nudges him slightly as sign of affection*  
*looks at him with raised eyebrows when he says he'll take his own beer*  
Okay... if you want...  
*does think that it's his decision, but wants to make it easy for him to say no*  
*clinks bottles with the others and takes a sip*  
  
David:  
*does see Matteo's raised eyebrows about the beer but is glad that he doesn't start arguing about it*  
*vaguely smiles in his direction again but then also clinks bottles with the others*  
*leans back against Matteo and holds his face towards the sun*  
*enjoys the warmth and hopes that it will finally stay warm for longer, so that you can spend more time outside*  
*hears the others analyze the game and eventually asks*  
How often do you play?  
*would love to play more often but didn't really have anyone who wanted to play in his hometown*  
*hears Carlos answer: "Oh, that differs... when we feel like it... but if the weather is nice at least once a week..." and Jonas add: "Last summer we also had a phase when we were here almost every day... was really cool, somehow..."*  
*nods and takes another sip from his beer*  
Was really fun... would be cool to play more often again...  
  
Matteo:  
*has one hand on David's shoulder and the other holding the beer*  
*nods slightly*  
Yes, right... but everyday really is exhausting...  
*the boys laugh and Abdi says: "You just don't want to lose"!*  
*shakes his head*  
Hello, if David and Jonas hadn't been there, I would have destroyed you!  
*Carlos laughs: "Yeah, sure... we only were defeated so quickly because they were playing, without them you wouldn't stand a chance"!*  
Wanna bet??  
*Jonas laughs and points at the table*  
There's the table, guys, why don't the three of you play...  
*immediately nods and gets up*  
Yes, come on, I'll show you!  
*Jonas grins and whispers to David: "He's lazy but he also always wants to win, especially against Abdi and Carlos"*  
*Carlos and Abdi get up and put their bottles down on the bench*  
*hears Carlos: "If you want to lose so badly..."*  
*pffs and puts his bottle on the bench next to David before he grabs his paddle again and goes to the table*  
*Carlos and Abdi john and Matteo puts his paddle down on the table*  
Forgot my lucky charm, hang on...  
*turns around with a grin, goes back to the bench and gives David a kiss*  
*hears the guys laugh and Carlos say: "That's unfair"!*  
*comes back to Carlos and Abdi with a smile*  
Unfair? How so?  
  
David:  
*amusedly follows the conversation between the guys and laughs quietly when Matteo jumps up*  
*calls "Good Luck"! after him and sees the three go to the table*  
*makes use of the space on the bench and sits down next to Jonas on the backrest after he took over Carlos’ spot*  
*hears Matteo and looks puzzled for a moment when he comes back*  
*grins into the kiss and whispers to Matteo*  
Show them!  
*takes another sip of beer and only listens with half an ear to what the others are arguing about at the ping-pong table (something about Kiki and stuff) and somehow immediately feels a little bit more insecure without Matteo and alone with Jonas, even though he knows perfectly well that there's no reason to*  
*tries to start a superfluous conversation*  
*briefly looks at Jonas and asks*  
So? Any tips?  
*points with his head towards the ping-pong table*  
  
Jonas:  
*grins and shrugs*  
I'd say Matteo is the best player but sometimes he doesn't pay attention and Carlos wants to show it to him... we'll see...  
*takes a sip from his bottle and looks at David, who is watching Matteo*  
*is happy that the two of them made it, but also has to think about how down Matteo was because of him*  
Do you know when the last time was that I saw him this happy?  
*waits for David to look at him but doesn't wait for an answer*  
Never...  
  
David:  
*smiles a little proudly when Jonas says that Matteo is the best player and hopes that he pays attention today and wins against Abid and Carlos*  
*unconsciously spins his beer bottle around and only stops when he hears Jonas' question*  
*looks over at him and was just about to shrug when he hears the answer*  
*can't suppress a smile, but lowers his gaze sheepishly*  
*laughs quietly and looks up*  
I'm happy... really... but actually I don't really do anything...  
*shrugs again and looks over to Matteo who laughs and is happy that he just made Carlos lose a point*  
*thinks that he hasn't been as happy as he is with Matteo, either, and that they probably are simply good for each other*  
*briefly looks at Jonas again*  
How long have you known him?  
  
Jonas:  
*laughs slightly at his answer*  
Yes, somehow it's easy to think that, right? That you’re not doing anything... but in most cases it's not true.  
*takes another sip and then thinks*  
Oh, since forever... we've been to kindergarten together, but then went to different elementary schools and then we met again after that when we went to our current school...  
*is quiet for a moment and looks at David*  
We're watching out for each other, you know?  
*thinks even more about the fact that it hurts him to see Matteo down, that the past weeks were difficult, but doesn't want to make David feel guilty or anything*  
*waits for what he might say*  
  
David:  
*has to grin sheepishly at Jonas’ answer and shrugs*  
*can’t really tell what he might have that causes Matteo to be so happy and wonders if Matteo might feel similar*  
*also thinks that it’s enough to know that the other one is happy and that the reason might not be that important*  
*therefore, has to agree with Jonas and says*  
You’re probably right…  
*then hears that they have known each other since kindergarten and only comments with*  
Wow… that’s a really long time!  
*is surprised but at the same time is happy that Matteo has such a good friend*  
*takes another sip of beer and both he and Jonas are quiet for a moment*  
*then hears his next sentence and briefly presses his lips together*  
*thinks about his words and immediately takes another sip*  
*eventually says quietly*  
That’s good…  
*looks back at Matteo and has to think about the fact that he probably can’t really imagine how bad Matteo was feeling during the time of uncertainty with him*  
*then looks directly at Jonas and adds*  
It’s good that he wasn’t alone when we… when I…  
*briefly searches for words and then simply says*  
…when I wasn’t there.  
  
Jonas:  
*looks at him when he searches for words*  
*gives him time and then nods slowly*  
Yes… as best as we could… he didn’t really let us in… at first…  
*takes the last sip of his beer and puts the bottle down on the ground*  
And to be honest, I wasn’t really your biggest fan… at first.  
*swallows slightly*  
I don’t wanna give the cliché talk in which I threaten you with a horse’s head in your bed if you hurt him again… but Matteo is… I mean, you know that… he’s…  
*sighs because he can’t finish his thought*  
Okay, so I was feeling pretty shitty for a while because of Hanna and because of everything. And Matteo was there for me. Even though he had his own shit going on, obviously a lot more than I was aware of. But he was there. Because he sometimes forgets himself, you know? He puts himself last place… and then he needs people who don’t forget him.  
*slightly shakes his head because he wasn’t planning on holding a speech*  
  
David:  
*hears that Matteo didn’t let anyone in at first, which confirms his suspicion that he really was pretty alone and that he was probably feeling pretty bad*  
*feels everything in him tighten for a moment because he feels bad for leaving him alone*  
*but then thinks that he and Matteo have cleared things up and decided to look forward and that Matteo wouldn’t want him to worry so much*  
*then hears that Jonas wasn’t his biggest fan*  
*snorts quietly and murmurs*  
Understandable…  
*takes another sip of beer*  
*narrows his eyes when Jonas talks about him possibly hurting Matteo again and feels how it starts to seethe inside of him when he continues listening*  
*he probably doesn’t know Matteo as well as Jonas, yet, but he has already figured out that Matteo tends to put himself in the background and worries about others*  
*on the one hand thinks it’s nice that Jonas worries so much about him, but on the other hand thinks that Jonas accuses him of not worrying about him enough*  
*snorts quietly and then says in a slightly flippant tone of voice*  
I’m not planning on forgetting him!  
*puts his beer on the bench and looks directly at Jonas*  
Listen, you don’t really know me that well and therefore it might even be understandable that you worry about your best friend… And you probably also know Matteo better than I do, okay… but the fact that he sacrifices himself for others and that he puts himself in the background and that you sometimes have to probe to know how he really feels… and that sometimes it might even be enough to simply be there for him, without any great speeches… I already realized that.  
*grabs his beer again, but doesn’t drink and only spins the bottle around in his hands*  
*determinedly says*  
I’m not planning on hurting him again, because believe it or not:  
*points his head toward the table, where Matteo is performing a little happy dance for making Abdi lose a point, and automatically has to smile when he sees him*  
*then gets serious again when he looks at Jonas and continues to talk*  
I also feel better when I see him like /that/!  
*takes another sip, after all, and thinks that it actually doesn’t matter what Jonas thinks about him – but it also does, because he knows that Jonas is important to Matteo*  
  
Jonas:  
*hears David quite flippantly say that he wouldn’t forget him*  
*nods and is just about to say something when David gets started*  
*looks at him wide-eyed*  
Hey, hey… okay, okay… I didn’t want to…  
*wanted to say “attack you” but then realizes that he did want to do that to some extent, or at least warn him*  
Man, sorry… I didn’t want to imply that I know him the best or anything like that… that’s not what this is about. And it’s also not like I think it isn’t not serious between the two of you, you can see that from a mile away. Man, I just wanted… I just wanted to make sure that you’re part of my “we’ll defend and protect Matteo” club, ok?  
*swallows slightly and hopes that David understands that it wasn’t against him*  
  
David:  
*at first looks at Jonas skeptically when he apologizes*  
*does think that he somehow accused him of Matteo not being important enough to him to worry about him*  
*then has to smile a little when he says that you can see it from a mile away that it’s serious between him and Matteo*  
*continues to listen and looks away because he has to smile to himself when Jonas says something about a club and doesn’t want Jonas to immediately see that it amuses him*  
*gnaws on his bottom lip and thinks that somehow it’s important that he gets along with Jonas – after all, he’s Matteo’s best friend and he just apologized immediately*  
*looks up, shrugs and grins slightly*  
You really have a weird way of enlisting people for your club…  
*pauses for a moment and lets him wait*  
*then says*  
Okay… I’m in!  
*holds his bottle out to him so that they can toast to it*  
  
Jonas:  
*almost holds his breath when David hesitates*  
*David being mad at him is just what he needed*  
*then grins relieved when he says that he’s in*  
*quickly grabs a fresh bottle of beer and toasts with him*  
Very good. First rule of the club: We never talk about…  
*shakes his head*  
Nah, joke…  
*takes a sip and looks at him*  
*gets serious again*  
Sorry again… I really didn’t want to snub you…  
*then hears Matteo cheer and jump towards them: “I wooon”!  
*sees him grin and sit down on the backrest next to David and lean against him*  
  
David:  
*laughs out loud when Jonas talks about the first rule of the club*  
*also takes a sip and gets serious when Jonas does*  
*thinks it’s cool that he apologizes again and nods*  
It’s okay… we’re good!  
*grins when he first hears Matteo and then sees him jump toward them*  
*puts his almost empty beer down on the bench and immediately wraps an arm around him*  
*beams at him while he runs a hand through his hair and then puts his arm on his shoulder*  
*murmurs with a smile*  
I believed in you! Congratulations!  
*presses a kiss on the side of his temple and then looks up at Abdi and Carlos wo also reach the bank frustrated*  
*hears Carlos: “Ey, David! Next time I also want a good luck kiss”!*  
*laughs and runs a hand through Matteo’s hair again while he tells Carlos*  
Sorry but they’re exclusively for Matteo!  
  
Matteo:  
*grins slightly*  
Was easy, but thanks.  
*skeptically looks at Carlos when he also wants a good luck kiss*  
*is about to hit him when David already answers*  
Well I would hope so…  
*Carlos grabs his beer with a sigh, sits down between David and Abdi and says to David: “Maybe you have to give me ping-pong lessons one day…”*  
*shakes his head and lazily tries to hit Carlos*  
Stop hitting on my boyfriend!  
  
David:  
*amusedly listens to the banter between Carlos and Matteo and reaches for his beer with his Matteo-free hand*  
*finishes the bottle and puts the empty bottle back on the bench*  
*doesn’t really think that teaching ping-pong has anything to do with hitting on him, but doesn’t get involved for now because he enjoys it a little that Matteo wants to have him to himself*  
*hears Carlos tell Matteo: “Ey, that has nothing to do with hitting on him! He’s just really good at ping-pong”! and hears Abdi get involved, as well: “I can understand Matteo… not if you go about it professionally, but theoretically you /could/ hit on him if you wanted to!”*  
*exchanges an amused look with Jonas who seems to have noticed that his beer is empty and is holding out a new bottle to him*  
*shakes his head in thanks and murmurs*  
No, thanks, one’s enough for today…  
*listens to the other’s argument again and hears Carlos say: “Who says that I even want that”?! and Abdi respond: “Dude, you did want to know if Matteo would rather have sex with you or me! So that wasn’t hitting on him”?!*  
*sees Carlos shakes his head and hears him say: “That was for research”!*  
  
Matteo:  
Thanks, Abdi!  
*is happy that at least he knows what he means*  
*then laughs and shakes his head*  
For research, sure…  
*Abdi grins and says to Carlos: “Then you tell us with which one of us you’d want to have sex”?*  
*Carlos answers quickly as a shot: “With David”!*  
Dude, Carlos, go sit on the other bench!  
*sees how Carlos shrugs: “What? That’s a compliment”!*  
*simply shakes his head*  
*sees Carlos turn to David: “You tell us: between Abdi and me, who would you choose? Matteo cheated and didn’t answer properly”.*  
  
David:  
*laughs when the conversation shifts toward sex and thinks it’s pretty fun to listen to them*  
*slightly blushes at Carlos’ answer and hides his face in Matteo’s hair*  
*murmurs with a grin*  
Ahhhh… help! Get me out of here!  
*looks up amused and desperate when Carlos asks him directly and is a bit overwhelmed by the question*  
*looks at Matteo again and asks*  
Who did you choose?  
  
Matteo:  
*grins and murmurs back*  
Don’t worry, he can’t have you*  
*feels the desire to hit Carlos again at his question*  
*drops it when David asks him*  
Jonas… and then the doorbell.  
*hears Carlos: “I told you, he chickened out”. And Abdi: “I’m sure he wanted to say Abdi but didn’t want to hurt your feelings”!*  
*nods exaggeratedly*  
Yeah, sure, that’s exactly how it went.  
  
David:  
*grins at Matteo’s response and asks rater rhetorically*  
Oh, you can also choose abstract things? Or Jonas?  
*hears Carlos immediately answer: “No, you can’t”! and then sees how he softly boxes first Abdi and then Matteo on the shoulder.  
*is glad that Jonas comes to his rescue: “Ey, Brudis, why don’t you leave David in peace! You’re gonna scare him away…”*  
*nods with a grin*  
Thanks!  
*sees Jonas also grin: “That thought is only selfish! I need opponents for ping-pong”!*  
*sees how he looks at Abdi and Carlos and hears him add: “Not victims”!*  
*hears the two protest loudly and is glad that apparently they moved away from the topic of choosing a sex-object*  
*hears Jonas say to Abdi and Carlos: “Ey, I bet I would even win against you if you both played against me together”!*  
*hears Carlos roar with laughter and sees Abdi jump up and grab his paddle: “I want to see that”!*  
  
Matteo:  
*laughs slightly at David’s question*  
*was just about to clarify that he had just rung the doorbell, but then drops it in case it helps him to get out of the situation*  
*grins at Jonas thankful when he gets David out of the situation*  
*doesn’t pay attention to the ping-pong conversation*  
*has one arm wrapped around David’s back and now wraps his other arm around his middle when the other three go over to the table to play again*  
*buries his face a little further in David’s neck and quietly says*  
If they annoy you, we can leave…  
  
David:  
*looks after the tree when they go to the table and leans his head against Matteo’s when he hugs him*  
*with his free hand searches for Matteo’s forearm and tenderly and almost automatically strokes it*  
*smiles when Matteo buries his face in his neck and briefly closes his eyes appreciatively*  
*then shakes his head slightly*  
I find it quite amusing…  
*laughs quietly and presses a kiss to his temple*  
But if they annoy /you/ we can leave…  
*continues talking slowly and with a slight grin*  
… or if you’d rather be doing other things right now, where your friends shouldn’t be watching…  
*searches for his hand and intwines their fingers*  
…or… we could… also make out a little here… or…  
*shrugs because he can’t think of anything else and laughs quietly*  
  
Matteo:  
*automatically closes his eyes when David strokes his forearm*  
*grins slightly*  
Mhmmmm… they are always annoying, that’s nothing new…  
*laughs slightly at David’s suggestion*  
Other things… I see…  
*looks at him and grins*  
I’ll give us 30 seconds before they comment…  
*grins and closes his eyes before he really kisses David*  
  
David:  
*nods with a grin and repeats*  
Other things!  
*laughs at Matteo’s prediction and then realizes that he’s apparently serious about it because he really kisses him*  
*closes his eyes and at first grins into the kiss*  
*murmurs against Matteo’s lips*  
By the way, it would be really unromantic if you really counted the seconds now…  
*pulls him closer and deepens the kiss*  
*briefly wonders if Matteo really is counting the seconds, but then feels Matteo’s finger on his cheek and forgets everything else*  
  
Matteo:  
*slightly shakes his head at David’s statement*  
*when he kisses him nothing else ever mattered*  
*lifts his hand to David’s cheek to show him that he’s completely with him*  
*therefore, only distantly hears Carlos call “Get a room” and doesn’t worry about it further*  
*also doesn’t hear Jonas say: “Leave them be, it’s your turn to serve”!*  
*simply continues kissing David and enjoys the feeling of happiness that always brings*  
  
David:  
*notices Matteo shakes his head but then shuts everything out completely*  
*can feel his heart beat wildly and enjoys the feeling of having Matteo’s lips on his*  
*lifts his hand and runs it through his hair, over his ear to his cheek*  
*deepens the kiss further and can hear quiet voices and street-noise in the background*  
*blushes slightly at the realization that they’re making out like that outside in public but loves the feeling of being so close to Matteo so much that he can’t bring himself to interrupt the kiss*  
*would pull him even closer if that were possible and quietly sighs into the kiss*  
*at some point detaches himself for a tiny moment and whispers a little breathless*  
Maybe we really should go somewhere else…  
*but then immediately continues kissing him*  
  
Matteo:  
*immediately shakes his head when David detaches from the kiss*  
*only then realizes where they are and what he was suggesting*  
*but for now continues kissing him*  
*at some point slowly stops the kiss, after all*  
*quietly says*  
Do you care what they think if we simply left?  
  
David:  
*protest quietly when Matteo stops the kiss and it takes him a few seconds to get back to reality and to understand Matteo’s question*  
*briefly looks over to the boys and then, with his kiss-reddened cheeks, back to Matteo*  
*slightly tilts his head to and fro and eventually says*  
No…!?  
*laughs quietly because normally he would care, but now he really would prefer to be alone with Matteo to be even closer to him*  
*puts his forehead against Matteo’s and closes his eyes for a moment*  
*murmurs*  
But if you do care, we can also stay here…  
  
Matteo:  
*laughs slightly and presses a brief kiss to his lips*  
I don’t care…  
*gets up and turns to the boys*  
Ummmmm, guys…, unfortunately, we both just came down with spontaneous headaches and have to lie down…  
*sees all three of them simultaneously start laughing and hears them say “yeah, sure”*  
*when Carlos messes up his serve, they stop to say their goodbyes*  
*Matteo only quickly shakes their hands*  
See you, then…  
*Carlos only grins at him: “Good luck, Brudi”!*  
Ciao, Carlos…  
  
David:  
*tips over slightly when Matteo gets up so suddenly and grumbles*  
*but then also gets up*  
*tries to hold back a grin at Matteo’s excuse but has to laugh quietly as well when the others start to laugh*  
*follows Matteo to the ping-pong table to say goodbye and also shakes everybody’s hand*  
*then adds*  
It was really cool to play again!  
*hears Jonas say that they have to repeat this soon and slightly blushes at Carlos’ comment*  
*walks to the bikes next to Matteo and smiles at him from the side*  
*is looking forward to being alone with him again in a moment, even if he really enjoyed spending time with the boys*  
*tilts his head slightly when they reach the bikes, wiggles his eyebrows and asks with a grin*  
My place or yours, Mr. Florenzi?  
  
Matteo:  
Hmmmm  
*slightly tilts his head and thinks*  
Your place…  
*grins slightly when he gets on his bike*  
You have the bigger bed. And at my place everyone is home right now…  
*starts to pedal*  



	28. May 27, 2019 - Butterfly-Boyfriend

**Monday, 3:27 pm:**

Matteo:  
*spent a lovely morning with David at his place*  
*he had made breakfast and they sat in the kitchen for a long time with Laura and talked*  
*when it was time to shower and get ready, he realized that he didn't have any clean clothes left and they decided to go to the flatshare so Matteo could shower, change and pack new clothes*  
*so now arrives at the flatshare with David*  
*can see from jackets and shoes that all of his flatmates are home*  
*turns to David*  
If you still want coffee, you can make some and I'll jump in the shower?

David:  
*takes off his jacket and shoes when they arrive at the flatshare and nods at Matteo’s words*  
Okay… don’t be too long...  
*smiles and looks after him before he goes into the kitchen himself*  
*still feels a bit weird going through the cupboards and to just help himself especially when he knows that Matteo and him are not alone*  
*starts making some coffee and takes a cup from the cupboard*  
*sits down on a stool while he waits for the coffee and scrolls through Instagram*  
*pours himself a cup and contemplates going to Matteo’s room but then stays in the kitchen and plays on his phone while he waits for Matteo to be finished with the shower*  
*eventually hears a door and footsteps in the corridor and then sees Hans entering the kitchen*

Hans:  
*comes into the kitchen to make himself some coffee*  
*smiles when he sees David*  
Oh, hey… I didn’t hear you get in*  
*sees that the coffee is already finished*  
Can I have a cup?  
*sees David nod, takes his pink santa claus cup and pours himself some coffee*  
*leans against the kitchen counter and looks at David*  
*thinks that he looks good, somehow relaxed*  
I am glad that the two of you finally got together by the way.  
*smiles honestly*  
Even though that means that I now have two flatmates who are practically no longer at my disposal*  
*grins slightly*

David:  
*observes Hans as he pours himself some coffee and thinks it’s rude to continue to look at his phone while Hans is in the kitchen*  
*smiles at his words*  
Thanks. I am too…  
*laughs quietly*  
*laughs a bit louder at Hans’ next words*  
*knows from Matteo that Hans has been upset before about Mia being at Alex’ place so often*  
Think of it as having two new semi-flatmates who are basically an addition to the people who are at your disposal...  
*shrugs*  
*has no idea what Alex is like and whether he and Mia are more often in the flatshare or at his place but thinks that Matteo and he keep it quite balanced, that they are sometimes at his home and sometimes in the flatshare*

Hans:  
*laughs at his words*  
You haven’t met Alex yet, have you?  
*makes a dismissive gesture*  
*blows into his cup and sips once*  
*then looks at David again*  
But I'll gladly take you, my little butterfly-boyfriend...  
*smiles again and thinks that he's a really good gay guru and can support Matteo even better if he gets to know David well too*  
In any case, it's great that Matteo doesn't hang around in his room stoned for days on end... that was no longer acceptable!

David:  
*shakes his head at Hans’ question*  
Not yet… I only know him from seeing him at school…  
*has to grin at Hans’ dismissive gesture and his next words*  
Thanks… I am very relieved, puh…  
*laughs*  
*gets serious again when he talks about Matteo’s state*  
*takes a sip of coffee and nods*  
Yes, that is great… and I hope that it doesn’t happen again anytime soon…  
*lowers his gaze because he knows exactly of which time Hans is talking about and his bad conscience takes over again*  
*then says partly as an apology, partly as justification*  
I was just afraid he wouldn't be able to accept it...  
*thinks that it's actually none of Hans’ business and that he doesn’t has to justify himself, but now the sentence is out*  
*shrugs slightly and takes another sip of coffee*

Hans:  
*hears the justification in David’s voice*  
Mhm… but well…  
*shrugs*  
As far as I know you hadn’t told him then, have you?  
*quickly adds*  
But I understand… really… but I have seen Matteo’s side of it all, you know? He was pretty down…  
*sighs slightly because now he's gotten too involved*  
I'm sorry, David... the important thing is that you guys worked it out...

David:  
*shakes his head and sighs*  
No, I haven’t. That was the time when I… when we had no contact and he didn’t know why…  
*thinks about Hans’ words and is glad that he understands him at least a bit*  
*maybe that's why he doesn't shut the subject down immediately but says*  
I didn't think he'd be so miserable. Maybe I would have told him earlier if I had known that... but there's nothing I can do about it now...  
*shrugs and takes another sip of coffee*  
He told me that he talked to you... anyway... thanks for being there for him...  
*nods at Hans’ previous words and smiles slightly *  
Yeah, that's the important thing...

Hans:  
*smiles slightly when David says that he wouldn’t have thought that Matteo would be so miserable*  
Well, it's always hard to believe you mean so much to someone, huh?  
*takes another sip of his coffee*  
Well, honestly, I was surprised too... I have never seen Matteo like that... that something or someone means that much to him... but you...  
*grins slightly*  
I've rarely seen anyone so secure and insecure at the same time...  
*makes a dismissive gesture when David thanks him*  
I didn't say much... just reminded him of what was important...

David:  
*blushes when Hans implies how much he means to Matteo and shrugs*  
*doesn’t know what to reply to that except that Matteo means as much to him but thinks that’s too personal*  
*smiles bitterly when Hans talks about being secure and insecure and mumbles*  
I was just insecure... not about my feelings for Matteo, but more about whether it could work with us... and I should have seen that he was pretty sure about that... I think that Matteo's insecurity was my fault...  
*takes another sip of his coffee and then grins slightly when Hans says he didn't do much*  
Well, at least you didn't tell him, "That guy treats you like shit, he's not worth going after."

Hans:  
*nods slowly*  
*smiles a bit*  
He was pretty sure… until you gave him the cold shoulder… then he was insecure, but also somehow not…  
*thinks about their talk at easter*  
I think he was just pretty confused…  
*laughs at David’s last sentence*  
No not that… I expect thank-you cards and flowers at the known address.  
*tilts his head and examines David*  
*thinks about how much to tell him*  
*but just goes for it*  
I told him to give you time or forget about you... so maybe the thank-you cards should go to him for choosing the first option.

David:  
*listens to Hans and nods*  
*can imagine that Matteo was confused - probably even more after he suddenly sent him the drawings*  
*thinks not for the first time that they could have had it a lot easier if he just had a little more courage and talked to Matteo earlier*  
*but then grins at Hans' demand*  
You can get that at Matteo's and my one-year anniversary… for today it has to be enough that I made coffee...  
*takes the last sip and gets up to pour himself another coffee *  
*fills up on Hans' cup as well*  
*then continues to listen to Hans and nods again*  
*but then thinks that neither of the two options are actually true and that he is glad about it - glad that Matteo thought at some point that he had enough time now, which was somehow true*  
*then grins and tries to chase away the bitter thoughts*  
Well, you didn't know me then... or you might not have mentioned the second option...  
*sits down again*

Hans:  
*laughs slightly and nods*  
At your one-year anniversary… well, well… I’ll come back to you about that.  
*laughs again at his second sentence, now a bit louder*  
I like that. Yes, if I had known you back then I would have known that it’s impossible to forget about you.  
*thanks him for the coffee and adds some milk*  
You know, I think it's not the worst thing that you had a rocky start… that also strengthens the relationship and then you know for sure that you want to be together… I am sure we will celebrate your ten-year anniversary as well. 

David:  
*laughs when Hans tells him that one can’t forget about him*  
*blows in his coffee and continues to listen to him*  
*thinks about Hans’ words and smiles*  
I sure hope so… I mean in regards to the ten-year anniversary…  
*briefly presses his lips together as he formulates his thoughts in his head and runs his hand over his neck*  
Uhm… I do think that it strengthened our relationship… somehow. Of course there is still a little bit of uncertainty - everything is still very new. But I think, after all the back and forth we are at least both sure that the other one really feels the same and wants this relationship as much as oneself...  
*shrugs*  
… and that it is okay to be the way you are.  
*remembers how quickly Matteo came to terms with the fact that he's trans and how he just takes everything as it comes because it seems like he only sees David as a person and everything else is completely irrelevant*  
*notices how his heartbeat picks up speed at his affection for Matteo and blushes*  
*quickly grabs his cup of coffee and sips his way-too-hot coffee*

Hans:  
*only grins at the mention of the ten-year anniversary*  
*tilts his head a bit as David continues talking*  
*feels honored that he shares his feelings so openly with him*  
*gets a little touchy when he hears David talking like that and sees him blushing*  
Yes, yes my little butterfly, he had a lot to learn but then he flew beautifully*  
*smiles at David*  
And found a beautiful butterfly-boyfriend. I am so happy for you.

Matteo:  
*comes into the kitchen in new clothes but with his hair still wet - who needs a hair dryer?!*  
*asks with raised eyebrows*  
Butterfly-boyfriend?  
*passes Hans and wants to go to the coffee pot, which is empty by now*  
*sighs, then goes to David, gives him a kiss and steals his cup*  
*grins widely and takes a quick sip before he gives it back*  
*looks astonished from one to the other as no one says anything*  
Am I interrupting?

David:  
*laughs at Hans' butterfly metaphors and says*  
We need some kind of stupid nickname for you too...  
*then sees that Matteo's back from the shower and immediately smiles*  
Hey...  
*puts his arms around Matteo when he stands next to him and steals his cup*  
*shakes his head at his question and grins lightly*  
Not in the slightest! Hans and I were just talking about our ten-year anniversary...  
*looks up at him to see his reaction*

Matteo:  
*raises his eyebrows and looks from David to Hans and back*  
*wonders what happened here*  
Your ten-year anniversary?  
*steals the cup again as David doesn’t seem to mind*  
*takes another sip and then grins at David*  
And from which date do you start counting? Today or your sausage meeting?

David:  
*hears Hans laugh and also has to laugh out loud at Matteo's question*  
*nudges him slightly into the side*  
Not between Hans and me - ours!  
*hears Hans: "But if the little butterfly already gives us such a template, maybe we should actually celebrate our ten-year anniversary! Maybe there will be some cake left over from your anniversary, which we can use."*  
*grins slightly and says*  
Owww, yeah, cake sounds good! And pudding!  
*looks at Matteo again*  
With a ten on it?  
*wiggles with his eyebrows*  
*then he hears Hans' phone vibrate, sees him get up and grab his cup*  
*hears him say, "Work that out yourselves, my dears! This is Andi..."*  
*sees him leave the kitchen*

Matteo:  
*laughs because he really didn't think about that*  
*but catches himself enjoying the idea of celebrating anniversaries with David*  
*grins at him just a little*  
I seeeeeeee, /that/ ten-year anniversary...  
*then laughs again*  
Sure, with a ten on it, and big balloons with a ten on it, and sandwiches, of course...  
*just looks at Hans briefly when he disappears, and then back to David*  
So you guys were talking about /our/ ten-year anniversary, huh?

David:  
*grins*  
Of course with sandwiches!  
*lets Matteo go because he thinks that maybe he wants to sit down too and thinks for a moment whether he should offer to make him another coffee, but then hears his question and shrugs with slightly reddened cheeks*  
Hans said that our rocky start probably made us know for sure that we want to be together... that it probably strengthened us somehow and that he is pretty sure that we will not only celebrate our one-year but also our ten-year anniversary...  
* grins a little insecurely because he doesn't know whether Matteo sees this more as a joke or a serious thought*

Matteo:  
*laughs when David tells him what they talked about*  
Sounds like Hans...  
*sits down on the stool next to David*  
*thinks that in some mysterious way Hans always knew exactly what he needed to hear and therefore probably understands and knows him better than he thought at first*  
*is glad that David and Hans obviously immediately got along well*  
*then grins a little*  
I had to call him Gay Guru so he'd give me tips. So I guess he knows what he's talking about.  
*bends down and gives David a grinning kiss*  
So I'd say it must be true what he says...

David:  
*laughs*  
Gay Guru!? Oh well… we need a nickname for him as soon as possible…  
*thinks at the butterflies*  
*grins and meets Matteo halfway*  
*then says*  
Even if the things he says are true... someday that will get to his head.  
*peeps into his coffee cup where just a little puddle of coffee is left and then looks at Matteo*  
Besides, he drank all the coffee. Shall I make some more? I mean, you barely got any of it.

Matteo:  
*also laughs*  
Yes, Gay Guru, you can try it with another nickname but I am not sure if he will let you.  
*nods at Davis’s suggestion*  
More coffee would be great…  
*leans back on his stool and watches David as he gets up and moves towards the coffee machine*  
*gets the now familiar warm tingle in his stomach area as David moves around the kitchen, knowing exactly where everything is and getting everything ready*  
*smiles to himself and can't take his eyes off*

David:  
*grins slightly*  
IfI ever think of something creative and silly then he has to accept it…  
*nods when Matteo wants more coffee and smiles*  
Okay…  
*gets up and fills new water and coffee powder into the coffee machine*  
* looks at Matteo and realizes he's watching him*  
*get a little nervous and smiles slightly*  
*then gets a new cup for Matteo out of the cupboard and out of the corner of his eye sees that he is still looking at him*  
*grins slightly and puts the cup on the table in front of Matteo*  
*mumbles quietly*  
You are watching me…  
*grins slightly*

Matteo:  
*isn’t put off, even when David looks back*  
*grins when he puts down the cup and even more at his words*  
Maybe...  
*grabs his hip and pull a little so David gets closer*  
*then shrugs one shoulder*  
I like looking at you...  
*looks at him with a smile*  
Besides, this is kind of good... you here... in my kitchen...

David:  
*laughs softly at his "maybe" and mumbles*  
I'm pretty sure about that...  
*comes closer to Matteo when he pulls on his hip and is now sort of between his legs*  
*smiles when Matteo says he likes to look at him, but feels himself blush a little and briefly lowers his gaze in embarrassment*  
*sees Matteo smile whenhe looks up again and puts his hands around Matteo's hip*  
*grins slightly*  
...me here... in your kitchen... making coffee.  
*but thinks he knows what Matteo means and has to think about how wonderful and good it feels when Matteo moves around in his apartment as if he were at home there, as if he had always belonged there*

Matteo:  
*doesn’t stop grinning*  
*nods*  
Exactly…  
*then stretches a little to give him a kiss *  
*then mumbles softly*  
If I could get used to that...

David:  
*pfft’s quietly, but then gets kissed and moves a little closer to Matteo*  
*grumbles as Matteo breaks the kiss, but mumbles back*  
You're a much better coffee brewer than I am...  
*grins again and continues to kiss him this time a little longer*  
*enjoys Matteo's company and the familiar smell of Matteo's shower gel *  
*mumbles into the kiss*  
You smell nice...  
*then has to grin, breaks the kiss and adds*  
...you should shower more often…

Matteo:  
*shakes his head*  
Nonsense... it's just putting powder in it...  
*kisses him back and pulls him even closer*  
*has to grin as well*  
*yet looks at David outraged as he breaks the kiss*  
*and even more so at his next words*  
*pushes him a bit away*  
Are you implying I stink?

David:  
*laughs as Matteo pushes him away and immediately approaches him again*  
*pulls him closer and wraps his arms around him even when he defends himself*  
I wouldn't dare saying that...  
*grins and looks at him with doggy eyes*  
*but then get serious and shakes his head*  
You always smell good... always like Matteo...  
*associates some sappy things with it in his head: home, "mine", love, familiarity, ...- but doesn't say any of it to avoid embarrassment*

Matteo:  
*laughs*  
Sure, that’s what I'd say too...  
*but, of course, immediately wraps his arms around David again*  
*smiles when he sees the look on David's face*  
Hey...  
*puts one hand up on his neck, half in his hair*  
*ask softly*  
With your thoughts elsewhere?

David:  
*is glad that Matteo's resistance is easing and he's putting his arms around him again*  
*looks into his eyes when he talks to him and feels his hand on the back of his neck*  
*feels his heart beat a little faster and smiles slightly*  
*shakes his head at his question and says softly*  
Still with you and everything you smell like...  
*leans a little bit against Matteo's hand on the back of his neck*

Matteo:  
*smiles at his response*  
*starts rubbing the back of his neck a little*  
Sweat, coffee, musty socks, right now shower gel?

David:  
*briefly closes his eyes when Matteo begins rubbing the back of his neck but still listens to him*  
*has to grin a bit*  
*shakes his head, nods, shakes his head again and nods again*  
*opens his eyes and looks at him again*  
… and like a lot of other sappy things...

Matteo:  
*laughs at his head movement but then smiles softly at his response*  
Idiot…  
*doesn't ask any more questions, but pulls him close to kiss him*


	29. May 28, 2019 - Not just advertising!

**Tuesday, 5:38 pm:**  
  
David:  
*he and Matteo realized earlier today that the fridge was empty and as Laura is currently spending a lot of time with her lovesick best friend, it's their turn again to cook today and provide for themselves*  
*so he went food shopping with Matteo who had announced that he wanted to cook something today (David would have been ok with a frozen pizza or a salad) – and they are now entering through front door downstairs*  
*lets Matteo pass and informs him*  
I'll just go check if there's any mail...  
*opens the mailbox and takes out two letters while Matteo is already climbing the stairs: One bill for Laura and one from the health insurance for him*  
*feels his heartbeat speed up, but doesn't want to get his hopes up too much – maybe it's not about the cost coverage for his mastectomy, maybe it's only advertising or just some information. And even if it was about the mastectomy, the letter could still tell him that they reject the cost coverage*  
*takes a deep breath and follows Matteo to the apartment door*  
*briefly smiles at Matteo when he steps aside so that he can unlock the door and then takes both letters and the groceries into the kitchen*  
*puts the letters down on the counter for now and puts the groceries on one of the chairs*  
*sits down on a stool and looks at Matteo questioningly*  
Umm... do you want to cook now, or later?  
  
Matteo:  
*checks the time and shrugs*  
We can wait for another hour, depending on how hungry you are.  
*points at the bags*  
But we should still put away all this stuff...  
*grabs one of the bags and puts it down on the counter to empty it*  
*didn't pay attention to the letters*  
*turns on the radio*  
  
David:  
*laughs quietly*  
Usually, /you're/ the one who's always hungry...  
*also checks the time and then nods with a grin*  
Okay, if you can manage to wait for another hour...  
*has the letter from the insurance company constantly in his mind, but doesn't feel ready yet to open it*  
*so takes the things Matteo is pulling out of the bags to put them away in their respective cupboards or the fridge*  
*grins and holds up a can of spray cream*  
*can't remember putting that in the bag and looks at Matteo questioningly*  
Felt like sandwich toast, or what is that for?  
  
Matteo:  
*laughs*  
Yes, exactly, that's why it's smarter to eat when you want... I can always eat.  
*then nods*  
Yes, I can wait for an hour*  
*laughs when David shows him the spray cream*  
No, that was on Laura's list... but I mean, if you want to eat some more cream-cheese-toast again, we can postpone the cooking?  
*grins*  
  
David:  
*by now has put away all the things Matteo had handed him and now goes to sit on the stool again*  
*tilts his head when Matteo mentions the cream-cheese-toast*  
Let me think for a moment... hmmm... no!  
*laughs*  
I trust your cooking skills can whip up something better than cream-and-cheese-toast!  
*then gets a little more serious and asks*  
Hmm... and what are we gonna do until we eat? Want to watch a TV-show? Or play some computer game?  
  
Matteo:  
*laughs slightly*  
Oh yes, no-one can resist pasta alla Luigi... get ready for something...  
*then tilts his head to and fro*  
Hmmmm, a TV-show sounds good... I mean laying around on the sofa...  
*grins and by chance notices the letter addressed to David*  
Don't you wanna open that?  
  
David:  
*laughs quietly at Matteo's answer and summarizes*  
So, laying around on the sofa, making out and having a TV-show on in the background...  
*imitates Matteo by also tilting his head to and fro and says*  
Yes, sounds good...  
*glances at the letter again and plans on opening it when Matteo cooks and is just about to get up from the stool when Matte mentions the letter*  
*picks it up without thinking about it and stares at it for a moment*  
*gets nervous and taps his foot*  
*is silent for too long*  
*eventually looks up at Matteo and starts stuttering confusedly several times*  
Yes, right, I... well... maybe...  
*feels silly all of a sudden*  
*it's probably only advertising*  
*shakes his head, stops and murmurs*  
Okay, screw it...  
*holds his breath while he slowly tears open the envelope*  
  
Matteo:  
*grins and nods*  
Best plan...  
*is surprised when David's demeanor changes all of a sudden when he mentions the letter*  
Well, you don't have to... if it's a bomb threat or something...  
*peeks at it again but can't see who the letter is from as David is holding it in his hands again*  
*feels like it might be more important than he thought*  
Did you already apply anywhere?  
*right now doesn't have an idea what else it might be*  
*sees how David opens the letter and suddenly gets nervous himself even though he doesn't even know what it's about*  
*simply observes David while he slowly takes the letter out of the envelope*  
  
David:  
*is too nervous to respond to the bomb-threat joke and only slightly shakes his head when Matteo asks if he has already applied somewhere*  
*realizes that his hands are shaking slightly when he pulls the letter out of the envelope and immediately sees that it's not advertising*  
*can read the subject line "application for cost coverage for a mastectomy" without having to fold the letter open and feels his heartbeat race and a strange ringing in his ears*  
*tries to calm down somehow... should the application be rejected he'd simply work to save the money... that would take longer, but he would do the surgery no matter what*  
*briefly closes his eyes and unfolds the letter*  
*tries to concentrate and to understand what it says*  
*reads it again and slowly understands*  
*exhales shakily and laughs quietly but at the same time feels tears of relieve come to his eyes*  
*rubs over his face, looks up at Matteo, beams and cries at the same time*  
*grabs Matteo by the sweater and pulls him toward him*  
*simply has to hug him now, to share his joy and relief with him and explain to him what happened but realizes that even more tears start to come when he presses his face to Matteo's shoulder*  
*quickly clears his throat and finally murmurs*  
The insurance covers of the mastectomy...  
  
Matteo:  
*watches David as he reads the letter*  
*immediately has a lump in his throat when David somehow simultaneously laughs and cries and has no idea what's going on*  
*immediately steps toward David when he pulls him in and wraps his arms around him*  
*then hears what it's about and realizes how everything tightens in him out of joy and relief for David*  
*hugs him firmer and then leans back a little to kiss him*  
*beams at him*  
Wow, that's... well... congratulations!  
*laughs and hugs him again*  
Then we don't have to rob a bank, after all...  
  
David:  
*tries to wipe away the tears when Matteo leans back to kiss him, but realizes that there are new ones coming and figures that it doesn't matter now*  
*is simply relieved*  
*returns Matteo's beaming look and then has to laugh when he talks about robbing a bank*  
At least not for the surgery... maybe only for a trip to Detroit...  
*returns his hug and takes a deep breath to somehow calm down*  
*releases the hug again and wipes the tears out of his face again*  
*realizes that his hands are shaking and laughs quietly again*  
*holds them out to Matteo and says*  
Some booze to calm down wouldn't be bad right now...  
  
Matteo:  
*simply beams together with him and nods*  
Yes, for Detroit definitively...  
*was just about to take David's face in his hands when he holds his hands out to him*  
*grabs them and holds them firmly*  
*entwines their fingers and shakes his head*  
No alcohol, Mister Schreibner... now more than ever...  
*tilts his head slightly and looks at him*  
And I know you don’t like it when I say that... but I just want you to be well, okay? Optimal conditions and such...  
  
David:  
*looks at their entwined fingers but can't really stop the shaking and the turmoil*  
*looks fake-annoyed when Matteo forbids him the alcohol*  
*only said that as a joke and knows that Matteo knows it as well*  
*then nods with a grin at Matteo's correct realization that he doesn't like when he says something on that topic and says*  
Well observed, Mister Florenzi!  
*then nods at his next words and briefly pulls Matteo's fingers to his lips to press a kiss onto them*  
Okay, I know!  
*smiles lovingly because he really does appreciate the fact that Matteo watches out for him*  
*still adds an explanation even though he's sure that Matteo knows it*  
The thing with the booze was only a joke... and a beer every now and then is also okay...  
*tilts his head and looks at him challengingly*  
Okay?  
*really doesn't want to discuss every single beer in the future*  
I'm only supposed to avoid "excessive alcohol- and drug consumption"...  
  
Matteo:  
*nods slowly*  
Okay... from now on, I'll shut up when it's about beer...  
*slightly tilts his head*  
But only with beer... everything else I'll comment on... and I'll do research about mastectomy... and if it says anything different anywhere...  
*looks at him fake-warningly*  
I still feel bad about you smoking weed because of me, so you have to deal with me being overprotective whether you want to or not...  
  
David:  
*smilingly and quietly says about the beer-topic*  
Very good!  
*then laughs and nods*  
Okay, do all of that... but about the mastectomy, you can simply ask me... I might have read a few tiny things about it at one point...  
*shakes his head and corrects him*  
I didn't smoke because of you, I did it to look cool in front of you... that’s called own stupidity. Just like with my binder - by the way, I have to take it off soon... you didn't know about it, so you don’t have to feel bad about it... period!  
*looks at him with a slight grin and raised eyebrows, as if he wouldn't accept any objections right now*  
*lifts one hand to his cheek and looks at him lovingly again*  
*quietly says*  
Apart from that, sometimes I gladly endure your overprotectiveness...  
*adds even quieter*  
I like it, when you watch out for me...  
  
Matteo:  
*draws up his eyebrows*  
*You don't say... I know that you know this stuff... but I also know that you tell me that one beer is okay or that working out is okay or whatever...  
*laughs slightly incredulous*  
To be cool in front of me?  
*shakes his head*  
And you were much cooler than me to start with...  
*smiles a little and kisses him briefly*  
Good, because I won't stop it... and therefore go and get changed, I'll go and turn on the TV in the meantime...  
  
David:  
*laughs when Matteo accuses him of withholding things and slightly hits him in the chest*  
It is!  
*shakes his head with a grin*  
Umm, no...? You were cooler than me! You were only being you!  
*smiles and returns the kiss*  
*nods fake-serious when Matteo says that he won't stop watching out for him*  
*is quite sure of that*  
*laughs at his order and gets up to go to the bathroom*  
*but before he goes he pulls Matteo to him, kisses and hugs him briefly but firmly because now his thoughts are back on the letter and the surgery again*  
*then jumps up twice from excitement and only says*  
I'm so happy!  
*then disappears into the bathroom to take off his binder and gets back into the living room relatively quickly, where Matteo is already lying sprawled on the couch and has turned on the TV*  
*as there is no space for him to sit, let alone lie, he simply drops down on Matteo and tries to somehow push him aside*  
*grumbles*  
Move!  
  
Matteo:  
*only shakes his head when David says that he was cooler*  
*knows that this is one of those discussions that could go on forever, so doesn't disagree again*  
*laughs when he jumps twice and simply looks after him lovingly*  
Me too!  
*goes into the living room, turns on the TV and gets comfortable on the couch*  
*grins when David comes in and makes an umph-sound when he drops down on him*  
Not like this  
*wrestles a little with him and tries to use up even more space*  
*eventually, they find a position in which they can both lie on the sofa: Matteo pressed against the backrest, one arm under David's head and David half on top of him, half on the sofa with his head on Matteo's shoulder*  
What do you wanna watch? Continue with Friends or something else?  
  
David:  
*laughs when Matteo tries to use up more space and wrestles with him and is giving his best to get some space on the sofa*  
*relaxes when they apparently find a position that's comfortable and doesn't actually need a series but nods at the suggestion of Friends and says a little lazily*  
Friends is always good...  
*turns the TV to Netflix and puts Friends on and then stretches briefly to put the remote back on the coffee table*  
*leans back again and immediately feels Matteo's arm wrap around his waist again*  
*reaches for his hand and intwines their fingers*  
*relaxes and looks to the TV where there is a scene at the cafe*  
*both he and Matteo are quiet for quite some time*  
*at some point says*  
By the way, I have to get up a little earlier tomorrow. I've got a doctor's appointment at 10 for my hormone injection...  
*simply assumes that they spend the night here because they're here already and so far, didn't really have a reason to spend their nights separated*  
  
Matteo:  
*thinks that Friends is a great series to relax to as you don't always have to pay attention because you've already seen it a hundred times, anyway*  
*therefore, gets pulled out of his thoughts when David starts talking*  
*also thought that they would sleep here as they are going to eat here*  
Okay...  
*only then realizes completely what he had said*  
Because of the injection?  
*remembers David telling him about psychologists and injections and that he also read that there are different options of administering testosterone*  
How often do you have to do that?  
  
David:  
*nods when Matteo asks about the injection*  
*never really thought about how much Matteo actually knows about the whole thing but thinks that Matteo will ask or do some research if he wants to know something and in the last two and a half weeks has made the experience that for Matteo a lot of things are okay, simply for the way they are*  
*then hears his question and starts to draw small circles on the back of Matteo's hand with this thumb*  
Hmm... every 3 to 4 weeks for the injections... the GP does that... and once a year for a check-up with a specialist.  
*waits if Matteo has any more questions or if that was all he wanted to know*  
  
Matteo:  
*hums slightly and thinks about it*  
Every 3 to 4 weeks? For the rest of your life?  
*grimaces slightly and squeezes his hand*  
Could you also do that yourself or do you always have to go to a doctor?  
  
David:  
*nods at Matteo's questions and returns the squeeze*  
*turns around to him when he realizes that he has more questions but puts his head back on his chest and wraps an arm around his waist*  
Theoretically I could do it myself... but...  
*grins slightly*  
... at the doctor's you get the injection in here...  
*slightly smacks Matteo's bottom and then continues*  
... and you have to hit the muscle and you have to be careful not to hit the sciatic nerve which also runs there somewhere... so you probably wouldn't really be able to do that yourself... with the doctor it's faster and probably less painful... he knows the right spot...  
*presses his lips together for a moment and then adds*  
Some people also inject it themselves - then it goes into the thigh... but so far...  
*shrugs slightly*  
... so far, I haven't really felt confident enough...  
  
Matteo:  
*laughs a little when he smacks him on the bottom*  
*then nods again to show David that he's listening*  
Okay... yes, I can understand that.  
*but then thinks about it again and what it means to get injections your entire life*  
I've read that there's also a gel... wouldn't that be easier? Or is that difficult because of the dosage?  
  
David:  
*has to smile a little when he realizes that Matteo really did some research but then explains*  
You have to apply the gel daily. I think it's really inconvenient because you also have to make sure that you always apply it at the same time and that you shouldn't shower for an hour afterwards and stuff like that. And if you're in a relationship you should...  
*thinks about how to explain it best and starts again*  
Well, you rub the testosterone directly onto your skin and it takes some time to be absorbed completely. So if you're together with a woman, for example, and you touch her, then there's the danger that she involuntarily also gets some male hormones...  
*grins slightly*  
*thinks for a moment and then adds for the sake of completeness*  
There are also depot injections that you only get every three months. Sometimes I consider switching to them, but it's a bigger dose that you get injected with and you can really only do that at the doctor's.  
  
Matteo:  
*listens to him attentively*  
*didn't know about the trouble with the gel*  
*but then has to laugh a little*  
Well, luckily that wouldn't be a problem in your case... but gosh, all the things you have to consider...  
*hums again slightly*  
Well, as long as the injections aren't a bother you don't have to risk anything, right? How long does such an appointment take? Should I pick you up and we'll go have breakfast or something like that?  
  
David:  
*nods to the topic of injections*  
*often feels a little pain the next day but has gotten used to it by now*  
*thinks at Matteo's question*  
Hmmm... well, the injection that's a matter of two, three minutes... but afterwards you're supposed to keep lying down for 10 to 15 minutes... and when it's busy I often have to wait a little... I guess I'll be finished by 10:30 or 10:45...  
*looks up at him and smiles slightly*  
Breakfast sounds good. But I can also bring back some bread rolls.  
*grins a little*  
Then you don't have to force yourself out of bed...  
*puts his hand on Matteo's cheek and pulls his head down slightly to give him a brief but tender kiss*  
  
Matteo:  
*nods and grins*  
Bread rolls also sound good... I can make breakfast...  
*but then thinks that it will be the first time that he'll be in David's apartment without him*  
*doesn't know why this causes a weird tug in his stomach*  
*but then gets kissed and forgets it for now*  
Tomorrow evening Hans has scheduled flatshare-cooking and I quote "Without David and Alex, they're great, but I've had enough of happy couples”*  
*laughs slightly*  
But maybe I can come by afterwards?  
  
David:  
*nods when Matteo says that he can make breakfast*  
*thinks it's really nice but also a little exciting and unfamiliar that they are this familiar with each other after such a short time, that being together is so natural*  
*grumbles when Matteo quotes Hans, but then laughs*  
He should go look for a partner himself!  
*immediately nods at Matteo's question*  
Sure, I'd love to... anytime!  
*is happy that he wants to come over afterwards*  
*finds the thought of having to spend the evening without Matteo somehow strange, but rationally thinks that they can't always spend their time together*  
*thinks briefly of what he could do tomorrow evening and spontaneously decides to do some more research on the surgery and to make some phone calls for a consultation on Friday*  
  
Matteo:  
*laughs slightly*  
Hans doesn't want a boyfriend... too much heartache, he says...  
*shrugs, so as if he couldn't relate to that, at all*  
*finds it strange that he's not going to see David tomorrow evening and tries to figure out when the last time was that they weren't together and can't really remember*  
And what are you going to do tomorrow evening? I bet you could hang out with the guys if you want...  
  
David:  
*also laughs about Hans and shrugs*  
Then maybe he does something wrong...  
*grins a little at Matteo's suggestion and softly strokes his cheek*  
*teases*  
Are you worried that I'll get bored without you?  
*smilingly shakes his head and stretches a little*  
No, it's okay... I mean I guess I could, but I'll just make use of the time and do some research about the surgery. I might have to wait months for an appointment, if I'm unlucky... I already did some research about surgeons, but there are only two here in Berlin. There are a few good ones near Berlin... there's one in Potsdam and I think in Halle, as well... maybe I'll read some more experience reports and call all the surgeons on Friday...  
  
Matteo:  
*grins slightly and shrugs one shoulder*  
Maybe... but maybe I'm just projecting from me to you...  
*nods when he says that he wants to do some research*  
Doesn't have to be near Berlin, does it? I mean, if you have to stay in the hospital, the travel distance doesn't matter... then we'll just go to Hamburg or Frankfurt or Munich or wherever... the main thing is that you get the best surgeon there is.  
  
David:  
*laughs quietly and murmurs*  
Maybe you simply know me really well and know that by now I've gotten so used to you being there that it will somehow be weird...  
*smiles and says*  
But we'll manage a few hours!  
*listens to him and nods at what he says about not having to bee near Berlin and travel distance*  
*doesn't even hear the cities Matteo lists because his brain and his heart got caught on the word "we"*  
*straightens a little so he can look at Matteo and clarifies*  
We?  
*once again has the feeling that his heart almost overflows with all the love for Matteo and briefly thinks that somehow he's really emotional today and could once again cry from happiness because he never would have thought that he'll find a partner who will be with him on this journey*  
  
Matteo:  
*smiles and nods*  
I'll send photos and comments, then you're basically there... well, if Hans doesn't take my phone away.  
*looks at him surprised when he straightens and clarifies with him*  
Yes, we...  
*slightly shakes his head because he thinks that David would rather do this alone*  
Well, I know that my care is sometimes a little annoying, but I'm definitely coming with you, no matter what you say, sorry...  
  
David:  
*feels his heart skip a beat when Matteo really confirms that he wants to come with him*  
*then realizes that Matteo misunderstood his question, briefly closes his eyes and laughs quietly*  
*looks at him again and shakes his head with a smile*  
*quietly and with a lump in his throat says*  
I didn't mean it like that. I’d be happy if you came with me. I just never thought that...  
*shakes his head, stops and starts again*  
For years I thought that I would have to do this on my own...  
*thinks for a moment, shrugs and lowers his gaze*  
*smiles again and quietly admits*  
I think that you might have been right, after all... that it's better to not be alone.  
*blushes slightly and gets sheepish*  
  
Matteo:  
*looks at David and puts his hand on his cheek*  
Hey... I told you that I'm here now...  
*has to swallow down the lump in his throat at David's next words*  
*kisses him briefly*  
I won't leave you alone... I love you, ok? No matter what.  
*looks at him and thinks that it's still true to some extent, that David has no idea how great he is and how much he deserves to not be alone*  
*kisses him again and then grins at him slightly*  
*wants to lighten the mood and says*  
We'll get rid of those stupid tits somehow, okay?  
  
David:  
*simply smiles when Matteo repeats his promise that he's here now*  
*back in the pool didn't really know how important that would become to him and even though it scares him a little, it's simply beautiful to know and feel that he's there*  
*looks at him a little incredulous when Matteo tells him that he loves him, because he finds it incredible that Matteo can tell him that without hesitation and so matter-of-factly and briefly presses his lips together when he realizes that tears start to pool in his eyes, after all*  
*but thinks that it's true, that he also loves Matteo and that there isn't any doubt about it*  
*looks at him and responds*  
I love you, too... everything about you...  
*thinks that right now it has even more meaning than it did in the pool, but that words almost aren't enough to express what he feels for Matteo*  
*hopes that one day he can prove it to Matteo just like Matteo is proving it to him right now*  
*returns his kiss and tenderly pushes the unruly hair off his forehead*  
*has to laugh at his next words and nods*  
Oh yes, please! As fast as possible!  
*scoots a little closer to him and kisses him a little more fiercely*  
*interrupts the kiss after a while and rights himself*  
And now I'm hungry!  
  
Matteo:  
*notices the tears in David's eyes and realizes how everything in him wants to be there for him, always*  
*then hears for the second time that he also loves him and feels his heart skip a beat*  
*kisses him and laughs a little when he agrees with him*  
*grumbles slightly when David interrupts the kiss*  
*but then laughs when he calls for food*  
Okay... I'll accept that...  
*waits for David to get up from the sofa to get up himself and goes into the kitchen with him*  



	30. May 29, 2019 - Make yourself at home

**Wednesday, 09:25 am:**

David:  
*has set his alarm for 8:30 am and quickly turned it off when it woke him*  
*has noticed that Matteo woke up halfway, has snuggled up to him for a moment, gave him a short kiss and whispered that he should sleep again*  
*stayed with him for a moment until he was sure that Matteo has fallen asleep again and then got up to take a shower, get dressed and make coffee*  
*comes back to his room and puts a post-it on Matteo's phone*  
*on it is a small drawing of himself at the doctor's office, next to him a big syringe. The David on the drawing smiles and above his head hovers a bubble with Matteo's face*  
*under the drawing it says, "Good morning! Up at last? ;-) There's coffee in the kitchen!"*  
*on the table in the kitchen there is the coffee pot and a mug - on the mug there is also a post-it with the words: "Make yourself at home! I'm thinking of you and looking forward to our breakfast" and a heart underneath*  
*wants to run a hand through Matteo's hair again, but doesn’t want to wake him up*  
*fills himself some coffee in a to-go mug and quietly leaves the apartment to get to the doctor in time*

Matteo:  
*wakes up a little after 10 am and feels immediately that something is different*  
*grumbles slightly as he opens his eyes and then sees the empty space next to him*  
*then remembers that David is at the doctor's office and turns to the other side*  
*reaches for his mobile phone and sees the post-it*  
*feels his heart leap and he's forced to smile involuntarily*  
*takes a picture of the post it and then carefully tucks it in his pocket of the pants next to the bed*  
*looks at the time and takes a quick shower and gets dressed before he goes to the kitchen*  
*finds the second post-it and shakes his head with a smile*  
*actually feels a little strange being alone in Laura’s and David's apartment*  
*then pours himself a coffee and starts setting the table*  
*takes a picture of the final product and sends it to David with the words "I'm waiting for you! <3”*  
*sits at the small kitchen counter to have his second mug of coffee while waiting for David*  
*was actually about to take out his mobile phone to play some games while waiting when his eyes fell on the letter from the health insurance company*  
*reads the subject line: "application for cost coverage/payment for a mastectomy and hysterectomy "*  
*frowns*  
*knows what a mastectomy is, but never heard of hysterectomy*  
*takes out his phone and googles*  
*is a little surprised and wonders if all this is really necessary*

David:  
*comes home shortly after eleven with a bag of rolls and a little pain in his butt and is quite excited about Matteo and their breakfast together*  
*unlocks the door and goes to the kitchen first to put the rolls down*  
*sees Matteo sitting there with his mobile phone on the counter and smiles pretty wide*  
Nal? Did you save me some coffee?  
*puts down the rolls and comes towards Matteo, puts his arms around him and hugs him tightly before he gives him a kiss on the mouth*

Matteo:  
*looks up when David walks in and smiles automatically*  
Heyyy... yeah sure, only had two mugs, the pot is still half full...  
*wraps an arm around him and squeezes him too*  
*kisses him back and then kisses him again*  
So no problems with the doctor, I suppose?  
*he asks as he gets up to go over to the table*  
*thinks maybe they should start with breakfast before he bombards him with questions*

David:  
*hears that the pot is still half full and smiles*  
Great!  
*smiles when Matteo kisses him again, but then lets him go to get coffee*  
*grabs a coffee mug and pours himself coffee while shaking his head at Matteo's question*  
Nah, everything went well, as always...  
*smiles slightly*  
I always have a little trouble sitting on the day of the injection, but that's fine...  
*fills the rolls into a basket and places the basket and his mug on the kitchen table*  
*smiles again, because he thinks it's so great that Matteo set the table and was alone at his house and somehow feels like he really belongs here*  
I see you've found everything...   
*sits down next to him and hands him the basket with the rolls so he can take one out*

Matteo:  
*sits on the chair while David talks*  
*then he hears that he has trouble sitting down*  
Really?  
*takes the bread basket, but puts it down without taking one*  
*gets up and leaves the kitchen*  
*comes back after a few seconds with a sofa pillow*  
Here!  
*hold it out to him, because he did not get up*  
*waits until he takes it and then sits down again and takes a roll as if nothing had happened*

David:  
*was just about to start to tell where exactly the pain comes from and that it gets better during the day when Matteo suddenly stands up*  
Umm... did you forget something?  
*looks at him astonished, sees him disappear into the living room and shortly afterwards come back with a pillow and holds it out to him*  
*needs a moment to realize that Matteo has brought him the pillow so he can sit softer and accepts iit slightly flabbergasted*  
*shakes his head laughingly and wonders if anyone has ever done anything so cute for him*  
*sits down on the pillow and looks at Matteo, who has already taken a roll*  
*wraps both arms around him from the side and presses a kiss on his cheek*  
*murmurs*  
Thank you!  
*then lets go of him again, grins happily to himself and also takes a roll*

Matteo:  
*is slightly surprised when David thanks and smiles so at him effusively*  
Sure... it's better this way, right?  
*grabs the cream cheese and spread it on one of the half of his roll*  
Does that actually do anything? So the injection now? I mean... do you feel different or something?

David:  
*nods smilingly at Matteo's question*  
Yes, it is better!  
*spreads butter on a roll half and reaches for the salami when he hears Matteo's question*  
*thinks for a moment and then shakes his head*  
Well, it doesn't do much ... so not much anymore. When I started with testo, of course it did quite a lot... so my voice got deeper, hair growth, my chest finally stopped growing and my breast tissue became softer and stuff like that... I don't know if I will change even more... somehow become more masculine or something like that...  
*smiles slightly, bites off a tiny piece of his roll and chews it before he continues talking*  
Now the injection just makes sure that all this doesn't go in the other direction again, so to speak... I don't really feel any different after the injection...   
*smiles slightly*  
But strangely enough, you can really feel a little bit how the testo spreads in your body... at least in the first two hours directly after the injection...   
*now bites off his roll properly and looks over to Matteo to see if he has understood everything and/or has more questions*

Matteo:  
*nods when he explains*  
*had already read this and was more interested in the immediate effects after the injection*  
*then he hears that he feels how it spreads*  
Really? And how does it feel? So what does it do? Tingling?  
*grabs the sausage and puts a slice on the cream cheese and then takes a bite*

David:  
*swallows down the bite he has in his mouth while thinking about how to best describe the feeling to Matteo*  
Hmmm... it's hard to describe... maybe a bit like when lukewarm water runs over your skin, but then under your skin?  
*laughs*  
Sounds stupid... but something like this...  
*reaches for his coffee mug and takes a sip of coffee*

Matteo:  
*laughs a little when he imagines that*  
Yeah, sick ... but that'll be over after a few hours?  
*takes a bite and then thinks about the letter and what he read on google again*  
And the... organs and so on... but doesn't that affect them?

David:  
*nods*  
Yes, usually after 2 hours or so... you feel it less and less...  
*bites into his roll again and then looks at Matteo questioningly*  
The organs? What do you mean, the organs? Can I feel it in my organs?  
*grins slightly and shakes his head*  
Or whether it changes the organs?

Matteo:  
*shakes his head and then nods*  
*swallows down first*  
Whether it changes the organs... like the...  
*does not really know how to say it differently and shrugs his shoulders as he finishes the question*  
... female ones?

David:  
*understands now what Matteo means and lowers his gaze*  
*doesn't like to talk about it too much and is wondering if he has ever talked to anyone except doctors and therapists about it*  
*then thinks, if not with Matteo, then with whom, and thinks it's actually great that he is so interested*  
*so looks up again, takes a deep breath and then shakes his head*  
Nah, not really.   
*briefly gnaws his bottom lip and then adds*  
Well, I'm not getting any... menstruation... and my... the uterus has a slightly increased risk of cancer... because of testo... but otherwise...  
*considers about whether he should add that he could even theoretically become pregnant, but leaves it out*  
... otherwise it does not change the organs, no.

Matteo:  
*sees immediately that he is uncomfortable and touches his arm gently as a sign that he doesn't have to say anything*  
*but then he hears him talking about it and nods slowly*  
That's kind of crap, right?  
*thinks that it must be stupid to have organs that don't fit at all*  
*then looks at him carefully*  
Is that why you want to have them removed?

David:  
*laughs slightly but a little bitterly when Matteo says that's kind of crap and nods*  
Quite crappy!   
*reaches for his coffee again and sips on it*  
*then hears Matteo's question and pauses*  
*tries to remember whether they have ever talked about it, but can not remember*  
*looks at him questioningly*  
How did you know...?   
*wonders if he has read somewhere that many trans men have the hysto in addition to the mastek*  
*puts the coffee mug down again and nods*  
Yeah... they just don't belong there... you know? It feels like I have something foreign inside me.

Matteo:  
*swallows when David asks*  
Um... I did... so it was lying there open... I wasn't snooping or anything... but the letter from the health insurance company was still there... and then I googled what the words meant that I didn't understand...  
*nods slowly when he confirms that he wants to get them removed*  
Yes, I understand that...  
*swallows again, because it's actually really not his place to say anything about it*  
... but it’s also riskier right? Well, a surgery like that ... I mean google always dramatizes everything... but...  
*shrugs slightly*  
*just worries*

David:  
*looks over to the counter, where the letter is still out and understands*  
*shakes his head with a smile when Matteo says that he didn't snoop and mumbles*  
Everything is fine... don't worry...  
*would probably have talked to him about it somehow in the next few days anyway*  
*then grins a little bit when he says that he googled, but this time doesn’t comment on it*  
*looks at Matteo, when he says he understands that and is actually quite relieved about it*  
*takes a bite from his roll again and keeps listening to him*  
*thinks about how to answer best while he chews*  
*but then nods*  
Yes, yes... but every surgery has risks... and the three that I want to have done are absolutely standard procedure... and I...  
*puts the roll back on the plate and looks at Matteo*  
*doesn’t really know how he should explain it best*  
I just want it gone ... I don't want to have to think about the fact that the cancer risk is higher, I don't want to have to think about the fact that I could theoretically become pregnant if the condom breaks and maybe I want to sleep with you without a condom at some point...   
*has become a little louder and more definite towards the end and now adds a little quieter and a little more desperate*  
... that simply does not belong there... 

Matteo:  
*has forgotten about his roll on the plate and just looks at David*  
*wants to understand what he says and feels*  
*swallows when he explains and even more when he gets louder and more determined*  
*nods quickly*  
Hey, I understand that... really... or not really, because I am not in the same situation, but... man...  
*groans because he doesn't really know how to say it*  
I mean, I want you to be happy, okay? And I don't want you to get pregnant or think that you have some foreign inside you.  
*swallows again and presses his lips together*  
I am just worried, okay? This is a lot...

David:  
*is at first quite relieved when Matteo seems to understand him, but then suddenly feels a slight lump in his throat when he says he's worried and that it's a lot*  
*sigh softly and tries to put himself in Matteo's shoes: He himself has been dealing with these issues for years and Matteo now gets confronted with so many new facts within a few days and basically has to come to terms with them just like he did back then - but he had much more time for it*  
*corrects himself in his thoughts and thinks that he doesn't have to, but wants to, and that this says a lot about him and shows him how much he means to Matteo*  
*has been silent for quite a while, but then swallows the stupid lump in his throat, turns around slightly on his chair and ignores the short pain in his butt*  
*grabs Matteo's free hand and looks at him*  
I know that this is a lot and I would say that you don't have to worry...  
*smiles slightly and shrugs his shoulders*  
... but I know that you worry anyway. I did that too, but I had more time for it... and and unlike you, I didn't have to come to terms with plans that are already made, but I could decide for myself whether the risks or the surgeries were more important to me.  
*shakes his hand briefly and says emphatically*  
I don't want you to worry, okay? We still have time ... we can talk about it some more and if you want, I'll put the hysto on hold for a bit ... I don't have to have it all done at the same time. 

Matteo:  
*bites his lower lip when David is quiet for so long*  
*gulps slightly*  
*is just about to say something when David turns to him*  
*is relieved when he reaches for his hand, which means that at least he didn't mess it up completely*  
*smiles weakly when he says he knows he's worried one way or another*  
*shakes his head immediately when he says he can postpone it*  
What? No. This is not about me.  
*holds his hand a little tighter and tries to put his feelings and thoughts in order*  
I'm here, no matter what you want to do. And if you decide tomorrow that you'd like a third arm as well, I'll be here to cheer on you.  
*presses his lips together for a brief moment*  
I want you to know that. No matter what. If it's good to do it all in one surgery, then do it... I just... want to understand what's happening, okay?

David:  
*is somehow completely overwhelmed by what Matteo is saying and feels the lump in his throat swelling up again*  
*thinks that it is also about Matteo, since he has decided to support him and thus decided that they go the way together and that it should not only be about him*  
*grins a little despite the lump in his throat, when Matteo talks about the third arm, but notices that the lump gets even bigger, when he emphasizes again that he is there*  
*lowers his gaze when he feels his eyes getting wet, but nods when Matteo says he wants to understand what is happening*  
*cannot really say anything right now because he doesn't trust his own voice, but pulls Matteo slightly closer to him by his hand, hugs him and hides his head on his shoulder*  
*inconspicuously tries to swallow the stupid lump and inconspicuously takes a deep breath, presses Matteo firmly against himself and feels how he slowly relaxes a little*  
*mumbles at some point*  
I also want you to understand what is happening.   
*silently clears his throat, loosens slightly and puts his head against Matteo’s forehead*  
*looks at him, smiles a little and says softly*  
And it is very much about you! You said you'd go the way with me - so we'll go it together... so it's about both of us... so it's also about you, okay? 

Matteo:  
*immediately wraps his arm around David when he pulls him closer and hides his head on his shoulder*  
*says softly and reassuringly*  
Hey... it's okay...  
*nods slightly when he says he wants him to understand, too*  
*kisses his head briefly before David pulls away again*  
*smiles slightly when he says it's about him too*  
Okay... but... I'm still not making any decisions... and you don't postpone anything because of me... it's only about me insofar that I will be there... at the doctor’s, at the hospital, wherever...  
*puts his hand on his neck and plays with his hair a little bit*  
I really appreciate you trying to be considerate of me, but... this is mostly about you, okay?

David:  
*pulls a wry face when Matteo says "okay", but then adds a “but” and sighs with a slight grin*  
*decides in any case that he will definitely let him decide something, even if it’s only him choosing his clothes or decide what he packs as provisions*  
*nods at his words and closes his eyes briefly when Matteo starts playing with his hair*  
*likes that somehow*  
*says finally in agreement*  
Okay...  
*pulls away a little more to get a better look at him, but only far enough so that Matteo can leave his hand in his hair in his hair and says*  
Your opinion is important to me! So even when I make the decisions, you are allowed to say what you think, right? When we check out the doctors or when it comes to methods...

Matteo:  
*smiles slightly and repeats*  
Okay ...  
*looks at him, but doesn’t stop playing with his hair with his fingers*  
*nods slowly*  
Okay... I promise I'll add my two cents on it... and I insist on going to the doctors with you...  
*slightly tilts his head and looks at him with heart eyes*  
We can do that.

David:  
*nods contentedly as Matteo promises to add his two cents and grins slightly at his next words*  
*corrects him*  
Nah, I insist you come along!  
*it’s a bit of a lie, but wants Matteo to know that he doesn't mind having him by his side at all*  
*then simply smiles when Matteo looks at him so with heart eyes and returns his gaze*  
*nods again at his words and puts his hand on his cheek*  
*repeats quietly*  
Yeah... we...   
*somehow still finds it quite incomprehensible that until yesterday he thought he had to go the way alone*  
*slides his hand into Matteo's neck and pulls him gently towards him when he leans towards him as well*  
*kisses him a couple of times tenderly and with a smile mumbles into the kiss*  
And now breakfast?

Matteo:  
*laughs slightly*  
Of course...  
*knows that David is used to doing things on his own, but appreciates that he is trying*  
*nods again slightly*  
Yeah, we.  
*closes his eyes when he's kissed*  
*then laughs slightly at his question and nods*  
*pulls away from him slowly*  
Yup, breakfast!  
*grabs the pot and pours coffee for both of them*


	31. May 29-30, 2019 - Beautifully cheesy

**Wednesday, 10:17 pm:**  
  
Matteo:  
*Hans and Linn had suggested Lasagna as a flatshare-dinner and have relatively quickly taken over the reins*  
*Mia and Matteo mostly sat at the kitchen table and tasted the wine that Hans had bought*  
*there has been a lot of laughter, a lot has been eaten and even more has been drank*  
*in between he thought that it's strange that the mix of 4 so different people somehow does fit together really well*  
*after dinner Hans got out some liquor that apparently is totally in at the moment and which unfortunately was also pretty tasty*  
*now, at almost half past 10 everyone is more or less sprawled out on the sofas in the living room*  
*Matteo is pretty drunk and really laughs about every stupid joke Hans is telling*  
*hears him say: "... and then I told him sorry, but you can't tell anyone that you're an artist, even I could draw that better"!*  
*Mia laughs and Matteo jolts*  
Shit!  
*he gets up but staggers so much that he has to sit back down*  
David! I have to get to David!  
*all three of them laugh and Hans shakes his head: "Sorry, sweetheart, but we won't let you into the Berlin night-traffic this drunk".*  
*Matteo shakes his head and tries to get up again*  
But I told him that I would come... to him... tonight...  
*Mia pulls him back gently but determinedly: "I'm sure he understands, just text him"!*  
*Matteo grumbles but takes out his phone*  
*types on it, grumbles, types some more and gets annoyed*  
Doesn't work...  
*Hans gets up and holds out his hand: "Give it to me, I'll do it"!*  
*it says a lot about Matteo's level of drunkenness that he really gives him the phone*  
*Hans deletes Matteo's jumble of letters and then types a message to David*  
 _WhatsApp Matteo/David:_  
 _Matteo:_  
 _Hello David, this is Hans, Matteo is so drunk that we would rather not let him leave tonight..._  
*he stops when Matteo wildly waves his hands in front of his face*  
Tell him that I'm soooooo sorry!  
*everyone laughs and Hans continues typing*  
 _He says he's sooooooo sorry, but I think when he's sober tomorrow I'm sure he'll call you. :-) Good night, butterfly-boyfriend <3_  
*Hans sends the message and hands Matteo's phone back*  
And now we'll watch an episode of Ru Paul and then we'll all go to bed!  
  
David:  
*has really spent his evening doing research on surgeons and mastectomy online and has written down three doctors that he wants to contact on Friday*  
*at some point didn't feel like researching anymore and instead has sketched a little to get his head free*  
*lost track of time and at some point flinches when his phone vibrates*  
*looks at the time and realizes that it's pretty late*  
*immediately thinks of Matteo and wonders when he'll be here while he opens the message and reads it*  
*hesitates for a moment but then answers*  
 _WhatsApp Matteo/David:_  
 _David:_  
 _Hello Hans, thanks for the information. I hope you had a nice evening. Good Night!_  
*puts the phone aside and leans back*  
*thinks it's nice that Hans has told him and really thinks that it's more responsible for Matteo to spend the night at the flatshare instead of walking to him drunk, but is still a little sad that he won't see him tonight*  
*at the same time he thinks it's ridiculous and has to grin because for one, they have only said goodbye to each other 5 hours ago and they'd also see each other tomorrow anyways - he'll certainly manage one night without Matteo*  
*sketches some more and turns on music and around half past eleven he gets ready for bed*  
*when he lies in bed he realizes that apparently he has gotten so used to Matteo's clinginess and cuddling that he can't really make use of the space in his bed and the freedom of moving his arms freely*  
*tosses around a few times and tries to find a more comfortable position*  
*while he tosses he wonders whether Matteo's already asleep and takes his phone twice to text him, but then doesn't because if Matteo was really so drunk that he wasn't able to text him himself, then he either wouldn't be any less sober or would already be fast asleep sleeping it off*  
*misses him and feels weird because Matteo isn't that far away and it's only one night where they aren't together*  
*at some point does fall asleep, but it's restless and he dreams wild things and constantly wakes up because he thinks his phone vibrated or someone rang the doorbell*  
*every time it takes some time for him to fall back asleep*  
  
Matteo:  
*thanks to the alcohol did fall asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow*  
*wakes up during the night and automatically feels around for David*  
*grumbles slightly when he touches nothing but the mattress*  
*pulls the second pillow closer, but that isn't a replacement either*  
*grabs his phone to check the time*  
*sees that it's 3:22 am and that he maybe shouldn't text David, after all*  
*briefly considers getting up and going over to David's*  
*shakes his head at himself*  
*wonders if he really is one of THOSE people who can't even spend one night without their boyfriend*  
*tries to fall back asleep but it's difficult*  
*only manages to fall asleep for a moment and wakes up two more times*  
*one time goes to get something to drink and one time goes to the bathroom*  
*tries to talk himself into thinking that he didn't wake up because he missed David*  
*shortly after 8 gives up trying to fall asleep and gets up to shuffle into the kitchen and make some coffee*  
*sends David a text knowing that it will reveal his dependence, but doesn't care right now*  
 _WhatsApp Matteo/David:_  
 _Matteo:_  
 _Okay, we tried the whole sleeping alone thing, I'd say we won't do that again... what do you think?_  
  
David:  
*wakes up again shortly after 8 because he had the feeling that his phone vibrated*  
*feels like he barely slept when he reads the message*  
*has to read it twice to understand it in his overtired state and has to smile automatically*  
*writes back*  
 _We tried, but I, for one, failed miserably. I miss you! When are you coming?_  
*feels somehow calmer now that he has heard from Matteo but is still bone-tired*  
*has to laugh quietly because apparently it was the same for Matteo and he wonders what it says about him and their relationship but comes to the conclusion that they seem to be wired very similar*  
  
Matteo:  
*immediately smiles when his phone beeps*  
*reads the message and smiles even wider*  
*answers*  
 _WhatsApp Matteo/David:_  
 _Matteo:_  
 _In one cup of coffee and one shower... so half an hour? ;)_  
*thinks that all of his friends would probably make fun of him for being so addicted to David*  
*right now, doesn't care about that at all*  
  
David:  
*feels the phone vibrate in his hand and only realizes then that his eyes have fallen closed again*  
*reads Matteo’s message and looks at the time*  
*writes back with a smile*  
 _WhatsApp Matteo/David:_  
 _David:_  
 _Hurry up! Maybe you’ll even manage in 28 minutes!_  
*stretches and throws back the blanket*  
*thinks that he could go shower and make some coffee because if he stays in bed, he might fall asleep again and might not hear the doorbell, after all*  
*hopes that he’ll be able to have a little afternoon nap with Matteo*  
*so puts on some coffee, gets some clean but comfy clothes and goes to the bathroom to shower*  
  
Matteo:  
*grins broadly when he reads the message and quickly answers*  
 _WhatsApp Matteo/David:_  
 _Matteo:_  
 _I’ll try my best!_  
*pours himself some coffee and pours the rest in a thermos and puts it on the kitchen table*  
*puts a post-it on it that says “fresh coffee, I’m at David’s, enjoy :) M.”*  
*slurps his coffee, showers hastily and gets ready just as quickly*  
*throws some clean clothes in a bag because he brought back dirty laundry from David’s yesterday and then leaves*  
*manages to get there in 25 minutes and rings the doorbell*  
  
David:  
*has finished showering and just taken his first sip of coffee when the doorbell rings*  
*checks the time and grins because it really took Matteo less than half an hour*  
*puts his mug down and shuffles to the door to buzz him in*  
*leans against the doorframe to wait for Matteo and smiles when he finally sees him coming up the stairs*  
  
Matteo:  
*beams when he sees him and might go upstairs a little faster*  
*greets him even before he arrives upstairs*  
Hey…  
*kisses David when he arrives and wraps his arms around him*  
*drops his head on David’s shoulder*  
Missed you…  
  
David:  
*returns Matteo’s greeting with a smile*  
Na?  
*starts to spread his arms a little even before Matteo is completely up the stairs, returns his kiss and then presses Matteo to him*  
*grumbles because he feels so good and has to smile into the hug at Matteo’s words*  
Me too… I’m so pitiful I couldn’t sleep half the night…  
*closes his eyes, breathes in the typical Matteo-smell and realizes again how tired he still is*  
*pulls Matteo into the apartment while still hugging him and releases the hug only a little once they are inside*  
I only had one sip of coffee, I really need more to not fall asleep again immediately…  
*grins slightly and asks*  
Kitchen or my room?  
  
Matteo:  
*nods slightly*  
Likewise…  
*gets pulled into the apartment*  
*drops his bag on the floor and takes off his jacket while David closes the door*  
Then kitchen and coffee, otherwise we’ll fall asleep again… or no coffee, and we go have a nap?  
  
David:  
*grins slightly at Matteo’s suggestion and longingly looks into the direction of the bed*  
*laughs quietly*  
Okay, you won. We’ll go back to bed… but I’ll put the thermos in my room for later…  
*pulls Matteo toward him again and kisses him*  
*murmurs into the kiss*  
I have catching-up to do…  
*lets go after all and quickly goes into the kitchen*  
*takes another sip from his mug, grabs another mug and the thermos and puts it on his nightstand before he drops down on the bed and reaches his arms out for Matteo*  
*is glad that he didn’t put on his binder in the first place to be more comfortable*  
  
Matteo:  
*laughs with him and nods*  
Good…  
*kisses him back*  
Me, too…  
*grabs his bag and goes to David’s room and drops the bag on the floor*  
*kicks his shoes off and then crawls onto the bed and into David’s arms*  
*kisses him again before he lies down next to him and basically fully attaches himself to his side*  
*after some time quietly says*  
Do you think that we’re very pathetic for not being able to spend one night apart?  
  
David:  
*quickly pulls the blanket over them before wrapping his arms around Matteo*  
*feels how he relaxes immediately, closes his eyes and simply enjoys having Matteo with him again*  
*has to grin slightly at his question and starts to run a hand through his hair*  
Hmmm… I felt pretty pathetic last night. But I feel better now that I know that you felt the same way…  
*runs his lips over Matteo’s forehead and kisses him slightly*  
*at some point quietly says*  
So we either have to do the whole sleeping apart thing more often to get used to it again… or we… simply are one of those awfully cheesy clingy couples that really aren’t able to spend one night apart…  
  
Matteo:  
*hums slightly when David runs his hand through his hair and closes his eyes*  
*slightly nods in agreement at David’s words*  
*opens his eyes again and looks at him*  
*shakes his head*  
Sleep apart voluntarily? Noo!  
*has to think about Jonas asking if they’ll turn into one of those couples and has to laugh slightly*  
I’d say we are one of those awfully cheesy couples…  
*puts a hand on his cheek and kisses him slightly*  
Somehow I don’t really care what others think… as long as you are there…  
  
David:  
*grins slightly when Matteo is so vehemently against sleeping apart*  
*nods in agreement and murmurs*  
I agree!  
*adds*  
… but we’ll scratch the “awful”! We are one of those incredibly beautifully cheesy couples…  
*gets kissed and then notices once again how his heart starts to beat a little faster out of love at Matteo’s words*  
*murmurs agreeingly*  
As long as we’re together!  
*briefly hugs him closer and both are quiet for a moment*  
*at some point quietly says*  
It hasn’t even been three weeks, but I feel like you’ve been there a lot longer… so… familiar and good and much and…  
*grinningly grumbles and hides his face in Matteo’s shoulder*  
Argh… I’m getting cheesy… maybe we really should sleep some more…  
  
Matteo:  
*nods with a grin*  
Okay, beautifully cheesy…  
*wraps his arm around him*  
*hears his words and has to swallow slightly*  
*kisses his hair when he hides his face*  
I think so, too… and we just agreed that we are cheesy…  
*kisses him again and cuddles into him*  
… so we can enjoy that now… I think it feels wonderfully right… and I never had that… so…  
*shrugs one shoulder and then kisses David’s shoulder on which he lies*  
… okay, let’s sleep some more…  
  
David:  
*nods slightly when Matteo says that it feels wonderfully right and murmurs quietly at his next sentence*  
Me neither…  
*smiles when Matteo agrees to sleeping some more, takes his face off his shoulder so that he can breathe better and pushes one of his legs between Matteo’s to be a little closer to him*  
*opens his eyes again for a moment to be able to look at him and smiles when he realizes how comfortable he feels having Matteo so close to him*  
*leans forward again to kiss his lips and murmurs*  
Sleep tight, Florenzi…  
*closes his eyes and falls asleep within minutes*


End file.
